I have done all 3 and frankly I find I function best at work. There is no right or wrong, there is only what works for you and your family. I loved being at home with my kids and being at school.... But I was a crappy housewife. I was unhappy (partially because my husband was a complete bastard) and didn't feel good about myself. Maybe if I was in a different marraige I would stay home again, but I doubt it.

I'm currently a "work at home mom", and it really doesn't work very well. If I didn't work for my family, I don't think I would be kept unless I were to live on no sleep. I pretty much do the bare minimum amount of work to keep the office running, but it's nearly impossible to concentrate enough with 2 little ones (ages 2 and 1). I take both boys into work with me once a week, and I'm only there for a few hours, but I get the most done in that short amount of time. Everyone there is so happy to see the boys that I get a little break from keeping an eye on them and rush through some work. If they gave me more heat from work from not doing enough, I would really only be able to do it during the night once everyone is asleep, and unfortunately the boys don't go to sleep early.

If I didn't need the money, I would prefer to be a simple SAHM while the boys are this young. This is the next best option because not only is daycare expensive, but I don't want anyone else raising my children. I struggled with infertility for 4 years, and will never forget the feeling of possibly never having my own children. They are this young for such a short time that it's worth struggling through it.

A good friend of mine works from home, but she has her mom come over during the day to watch the children because even at home, she wouldn't be able to get her work done. (She's a typical 9-5 worker...in IT for a pharmaceutical company.) She has a bit more flexibility than if she had to go in everyday, but she still needs her mom for help. Some people are too lucky! (Meant in a happy jealous way)

I have done all 3.

1. worked and paid for daycare
2. stayed at home and did without because of money
3. worked from home and take care of kid at home too

If I could at this point I would do either 1 or 2. Doing 3, while possible, is exhausting and not fair. People think that because you are home you can do both work and take care of more around the house, which is NOT the case. So in essence you end up doing work 8 hours and then MORE of the housework than if you worked outside the home.

Number 2 is ideal, but if you have money issues because of skids, good luck as things will only be worse for you and your child. If money is no issue, I would do 2. If money is an issue, I would have to say that between 1/3, 1 is the way to go...

PS - if you are having money problems now, having a kid will only bring you more stress...not fair, I know...it sucks, but that is what it would be...if you have 50/50 and don't have kids yourself, get out of the house and let your DH deal with his lovely 50/50.

IT depends on your family. On your money situation. On your personal feelings about staying home or working. There's no right or wrong answer to this one. I'm happier working. I hate staying at home with the kids I love so much. I love missing them during the day. I love the looks on their faces when I come through the door but yes it's expensive. It depends on salary or wage - how much are you making and what percentage are going to day care. I don't consider it someone else raising my kids because they end up in school at age 5 right? That's not someone raising your kids. Also - so many benefits to being in a structured learning and social environment for children under age 5.

But some days, it's hard. Today, for the first time ever, my 5 year old had a fit when I dropped him off. It broke my heart. I cried. He cried. I had to drag him in. UGH. Heartstrings.

Still, It depends on your family. What will work best for all of you?

I could never work from home AND take care of children. That would be next to impossible for me. For me personally, it wouldn't be fair to my children or my employer. But any one who can - more power your way - you're brave!

I quit my job at 6 months pregnant but was able to get paid by the state to take care of my mom who is disabled, that worked for a ouple years now I do odds and ends but I don't really have the earning capacity to go to work full time and cover child care plus I would worry about the house and meal planning and still looking after my disabled mother and neighbor...etc...for now I'm content to be broke but still look after small children when they are both further along in school I really want to find something. I feel kind of trapped.

I currently work full time.

I think ideal would be to work from home but hire a mommy's helper for a few hours a day. That way you are still home with them to see them through out the day...you can monitor the babysitter/nanny's interaction with your kids and you still can focus on your work for a few hours.

When I was married to my exh, I worked a full time job. It was hard, but I loved being self sufficient and getting a pay check every week. My DD went to a daycare at a womens house from 7:30 am until about 5:30 pm Monday thru Friday from the time she was 3 weeks old until age 3 when the woman retired. I knew my DD loved it there and she was very well taken care of so I had no worries. At the time I was paying about $900 a month but since then costs have gone up alot! Got divorced when DD was 3 and put her at the YMCA daycare and still worked fulltime.

Then I married DH when DD was 5 and about to enter Kindergarten. DH owned a company and asked me to quit my job to help him out at work and be home for when the kids got home. I loved it at first. Then we had our BD and I still loved being home. I felt like I got to experience with her, everything I missed with my DD when she was a baby.

Fast forward and BD is now 4. Although my house is spotless, laundry is always done and dinner is always on the table by 6pm I am bored, lonely and broke!! I want to go back to work so bad in a way but DH does not want me to. He likes me being here for the kids and having a clean house and a really good dinner every night. I feel disconnected from the world and really miss getting a paycheck and just miss leaving the house and getting dressed up with somewhere to go!!

BD4 starts half day Kindergarten in September. I made a decision (haven't told DH yet)that when she starts 1st grade I am going back to work. Not sure how the summers will work but my DD will be 13 by then and she has already offered to help me out. SHe is so sweet.

I feel like I need a life of my own again away from this house. Don't get me wrong, there are days like today when I feel really lucky that I am home with my BD4 and we are cooking together and playing together and the summers we spend at the beach every day. I might just get a part time job that does not take up all of my time.

If I could find a job working from home I would consider it for now but not forever.

If the skids are 5 and 7, shouldn't they be in school most of the day? I think if you're able to, you should work from home, but maybe just part time for the time being until you figure out how it will work out.

During summer breaks, put the skids in day care for a few days a week so you can still focus on getting your work done. Your income should more than cover the cost of having them in day care. If you have 50/50 custody, I would assume you don't have them everyday anyway. And honestly, I'm not sure what the problem is with BM stopping by the day care to see them or calling to check in. They are her kids ..

I wouldn't give up my career to be a SAHM to my skids .. I love them to death, but I need the challenge and change of pace that my career offers. And I need to get out of the house. If they were my own kids, would I feel differently? Maybe, but I wouldn't make a decision to stay home in any capacity until my own kids were definitely here.

At the end of the day, you and your husband will have to decide what works best for you and your household. There's a different lid for every pot.

And as a side note .. I grew up in day cares .. both of my parents worked for as long as I can remember and I turned out okay. The issues with having kids in day care usually come about when the parents don't dedicate time and energy to their children AFTER daycare/work.

i agree with smof2girls, i'd never stay home to take care of skids. i'd wait until i was at least pregnant with my own. you are not working now, correct? am i correct in assuming he wants you to go back to work and you would rather not? i can't tell you what to do, but when i wasn't working (in my first marriage), the freedom was good, house was clean, but i was bored and my dh was in charge of every penny and was resentful that i was not producing an income that payed the bills (odds and ends only for spending money) and i hated it! i had totally given up my independance and boy, did i ever pay for that. took me YEARS to catch back up when we ultimately divorced and i HAD to be the main supporter of my kids. hope for the best, but prepare for the worst (just look at the statistics for second marriages with kids). don't hurt yourself in the long run. i'd say go back to work if your dh is even the slightest bit resentful/worried until you at least become pregnant. people have different levels of need when it comes to money. he may have a bigger need for security than you.

Couldn't do the working daycare (or really working for anyone for that matter) and I ended up doing my own business which earns a good amount. Coupled with the fact then I don't have to do daycare, DH likes to come home to a hot meal and a clean house, and I am less stressed. I honestly preferred it this way. Mostly because I can't do a desk job when my enjoyment in life comes from relaxing and planning.