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SS19 is going to end up out of our home- too entitled

always_anxious's picture

Submitted by always_anxious on Mon, 10/15/2018 - 9:27am

SO and I are both hitting our limit with SS19. I always thought he was the one who would be ok. He and I actually always got along unlike SD22 and me. 

In the past year he has

- been fined for underage drinking. Had a court date and had to pay $300. Lied and said he wasn't drinking. He was the DD but got the citation because he was with all of his underage friends. I picked you up SS, it was obvious to me that you had a good buzz, at best. 

- moved back home from college, for reasons that are still unclear. He says his grades were great, but he has never shown us any report cards. Says he came home because he couldn't stand the drinking and drugs at the frat and he was afraid because he was starting to try things. My guess, he was failing and started self medicating because his ego couldn't deal with failure. Most likely lost his financial aid. Who comes back mid-semester and doesn't finish?

- ignored rules of our home. Does not come home at his designated curfew constantly!  We put something in place, because of his past behavior. Nothing good comes from staying out all night. Get home and focus on school and work. His father laid all of this out for him in 2 separate converstaions. The boy cried and all because he was upset he was dissapointing his father. My new perspective is he tries to manipulate. Over a month ago, he had a girl over and she spent the night after we said she goes home at 12:30am.  I caught him sneaking her out at 5:30 am. He stayed the night at her house and was caught by her father (wish he had kicked his ass). 

- 2 weeks ago I found a single full beer can under a chair in our family room. The place where we all gather and watch tv together and my BS6 toys are. Where he can have space and play. Seriously? So this means SS19 was drinking alone in his brother's play area. He was immediately confronted and said it wasn't his. Um, no one in this house drinks beer. My mom is the only one who comes over to watch BS6, and she doesn't drink beer. Then he said its his friends when he had people over. Wrong again, Not possible.  Finally, he owned up that it was his.  This was my last straw and SO agrees. SO won't even talk to him because he says he's afraid he will just lose it on it and say a lot of mean things. 

SS obviously has a problem, but anytime he's confronted, he is either mad because he's not getting his way or he cries and says he is sorry and has a lot of anger from the divorce. I'm sorry, but I'm not buying into the victim mentality anymore. SD did it forever and I stopped listening a long time ago. I'm not going to start now with SS. 

If you want to live like an adult, then go be an adult in your own place. 

Comments

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Mon, 10/15/2018 - 9:44am

And nothing is done to him.  Wow he has your DH number.  That kid has to go, he’s 19 it’s time for him to be on his own.  Living on his own he makes the rules, 

oneoffour's picture

Submitted by oneoffour on Mon, 10/15/2018 - 12:16pm

He pulls the COD thing hold up your hand and say something like ... "Stop, this is just silly. People in Florida have lost their homes and you are crying because you are being held accountable for the house rules you agreed to and use your parents long ago divorce as the reason? What happens when you get into serious legal trouble? Do you think a judge will feel sorry for an adult crying because his parents who are both still alive got divorced? Look, you want to live your own life, we all want to live our own life at 19. So move out, get a studio apartment then you can come and go as you want, have overnight guests, drink, smoke eat whatever you want. So start looking. Your Dad and I will pay half your deposit on an apartment if we agree to the place. No $2000 deposits! Then you are on your own doing your own thing. The one thing you need to remember is there is no turning back. This was your one re-boot option."

Siemprematahari's picture

Submitted by Siemprematahari on Tue, 10/16/2018 - 11:59am

Your H is enabling him and not giving him consequences for his behavior. He comes in late again after curfew you either take away his keys or dead bolt the door. He doesn't want to own up to his sh!t you have to remove anything that he values. At 19 what is he doing with himself? Is he working, enrolling back to school, looking for a job? He has to do something or think of alternative places of where he will live.

No one is holding him accountable so he continues to do what he wants. He's grown and its time he wakes up and takes are of himself. Your H letting him do whatever he wants is creating a great disservice to you all.