I just can't with SS20
So, my last post came to fruition. The tension between SS, SO and myself came to a head. The entitlement, the boldness, the victim all reared thier heads. SS dropped out of a college last year where he had a grant and loan to get him through school. He partied too much. We still don't have the full story, but he left mid 2nd semester admitting he was drinking and doing hard drugs. In the last 6-8 months, SS has been coming home sometimes (not all) smelling like pot or seemingly intoxicated / high. He carries eye drops with him. He has a pocket scale. He hid beer in his room. He acts like we are the assholes, because we don't help pay for school or have dinner for him. We're "strict" because we dont' allow underage drinking and drug use in our home /s.
The last straw, SS sold a large shelving unit we bought for his room when we let him move back in. He said he had no money. That he has medical bills and ran up his cards, and he can't keep up with tuition. He has no gas money. Ok here- YYou pay for your own school because you f-ed up at the old one and lost your grants, bad choice #1. You have medical bills because you were at a party drinking (underage at someone's parents house) and another guest invited to that home sucker punched you (your story), bad choice #2. YYou continue your "recreational" drinking and whatever else AND going on spring break for a week, despite knowing you are broke, bad choice #3. You don't have dinner sitting here waiting, because you disrepect me and my home by getting drunk in your room and coming home high, bad choice #4. So, how do you handle that? you act pissy and disrespectful to me and SO. You act rude and jealous of BS6. You act like you can do whatever you want here????!!!!!
After I told SO about the furniture, he was livid. He yelled, talked, and lectured SS for two hours. I sat for 30 minutes and I couldn't handle it. All of it was bullshit. He was offended when I told him I thought he was an addict. He's "only a recreational user" and "You guys freak out". He said his behavior is because he's in huge debt from school and he can't handle never having any money. He made excuse after excuse and never wanted to take ownership of all the poor decisions he made. I went to the bedroom and just sat listning to the nonsense. I was done. Just done. You cannot lecture sense into someone. SO actually was trying. He spelled everything out, he pushed SS to discuss what his next steps need to be. He said out loud all of the hard truths. YOUR choices got you here, YOU did these things. Life isn't handed to you. Making SS answer what SS thinks he should be thinking about doing now moving forward. SO really tried. SO was firm that we are not paying for school. After 2 hours of SS crying and the lecture, you know what SS asked at the very end? 2 questions - Are you going to pay for BS6's college? and Am I kicked out?
And to top it all off, SO didn't make him leave. He did tell him if we get one whiff of any drug or alcohol use, he's gone. SO and I had a converation after and I had to give my hard truth. In 3 months we are going to be right back here again, so then what are you going to do?