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The 'Children' always come first...

AlreadyGone's picture

OMG!!!! I am so damn tired of hearing that. I think the only other ridiculous statement I absolutey hate is ...'you should have known what you were getting in to when you married someone with kids.'

I call bullshit on both of those statements and I don't care who gets pissed off about it.

Children do not come first! Parent's come first. Whether BP or SP. Childrens NEEDS are to be met first. This is totally different than the child coming first. Isn't that the real problem these days??? Children WANT this and that and BP's rain materialistic crap down on them to cover for their inability to be good parents. Maybe the BP's should have made sure they were compatible before they decided to breed. I don't see that in the SP handbook. What happens when the children's wants come first??? We end up with spoiled, entitled, and selfish drains on both the parents and society.

Knowing what I got in to before marrying someone with kids?? Seriously? I knew the BM was going to be a raging lunatic? I knew the skids were going to have behavioral problems? How was I supposed to know that? I certainly didn't raise them. Maybe if I had, they would be productive members of society instead of needy little leeches unable/unwilling to care for themselves. Somehow it's my fault that they came from a broken home? Which by the way, they were living in long before the divorce!

I am an adult SK. I have a wonderful relationship with my SM and my dad has been gone for 7 yrs now. It can work. My BP's raised me to have respect and self-awareness. They didn't raise me under the umbrella of guilt and buy my allegiance with materialistic goods. The marriage ended, period. My BP's knew their roles, and we (as children) knew where we stood. Other than the regular teenage drama, there was none of this crazy SP crap that I witnessed first hand and have seen printed on this forum.

I refuse to apologize for who I fell in love with and for having clear strong boundaries. It's not my fault that the BP's failed so miserably!

Alright, I am done with my rant. }:)

Comments

herewegoagain's picture

agree...FYI I hope you mean MINOR CHILDREN"S NEEDS come first, not just "children"..."cause ya know that some are 40yrs old and STILL think their needs come first" lol Smile

AlreadyGone's picture

Oh hell yes, I meant MINOR children, lol.

And you're right that some still think this. My SD told STBXH that children always come first... before GF's, BF's, new hubby's or wives. Even at her age. She's friggin' 24 for Christ's sake. He must believe her b/c she's at my house right now and I'm staying with a friend until I get myself together, lmao. These adult children need to be taken out to the back forty, KWIM??? }:)

stepmomto3bioto1's picture

Completely agree with this post!!!! You can only use the "children of divorce" thing for so long- then it just becomes an excuse!!! The marriage comes first. Period. Otherwise the whole family will crumble!!

MommaFaith's picture

agree w the "you should of known"... sometimes this stuff doens't happen till reality sets in and "honey mood" is over for not just u and DH but the evil SK's as well! Then their devils just appear. Also never knew BM would be so jealous and would 100% vanish from earth as soon as we got married...atleast even if she just took them over night 1x a month it was an effin break! Now it's been 7months w/NOT EVEN AN HOUR!