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Caught in the middle

A_January_B's picture

<p>So I&#39;ve been married to my husband for yrs. He has 2 kids, one he raised and one that is biologically his both by the same woman. There have been so many issues in throughout our dating and marriage that I&#39;m ready to get divorced at least 3 time a month. Most recently his bio daughter came to live with us after she was removed from her mother. It&#39;s been an up hill battle since then. I&#39;ve tried to explain the trauma she has been through to both her and her father in Hope&#39;s that it will begin the healing process. Unfortunately all it has done is make me the enemy in my own home. I have never slandered her mother but I am honest about the situations she has placed my Step daughter in. While we have a good relationship I often over hear her talking to her mom and bad mouthing me or stating that I ask her questions ( which I do not ask about her mom but more so what my step daughter is feeling or felt about certain things) .&nbsp; Maybe all this wouldn&#39;t be so bad had I not had to experience some of the things I have.&nbsp;</p><p>Our oldest has stole my credit card and money. Neither my husband or his children&#39;s mother addressed the issue. When I did so my husband made it seem I was being emotional and unreasonable. These couples with other events set the tone for how they would interact with me. Since then I feel as though I&#39;m just a glorified babysitter. I am expected to take on the role of mommy but only in regard to financial and emotional support. There is no disciplinary or respect associated with my role. Since we dont have kids of our own I feel like I&#39;m treated like crap and ar the&nbsp; end of the day I&#39;m caught between loving my husband and hating the role I play as&nbsp; step parent. Ah I am so frustrated!</p>


SayNoSkidsChitChat's picture


Cover1W's picture

Visit the disengagement forums. We understand. You need to step back and not try so hard. No need to ask your SD about her feelings. No need for you to spend your money with no say in the matter. No to expecting you to have responsibility without authority. Start reading....

CLove's picture

Your SD stole your money and yet YOU are the bad guy in this situation? If you are not currently married, you might want to take a look at your relationship. If things are bad now, they only get worse over time. The BM treats you like crap, and your SO allows it. Well he needs to stand by you or you should consider leaving the relatinship. 

A_January_B's picture

I did I told my husband I wanted a divorce in felt it was very disrespectful of him. He just made it seem like I was being unreasonable about a troubled little girl. I now know I should have stuck with my guns. Thanks for the reply

Harry's picture

And you see nothing wrong with it ?   Save yourself heartache, and run.  If you disengage it’s only going to upset your do nothing no good BF.  So it’s better to leave and find a good man 

A_January_B's picture

After all the heat died down I told him she was not allowed back to our house. Of course he pitched a fit and tried to being her back and i flipped. He ended up leaving with the kids for the weekend. Since then she hasnt been back as she does not.want to come. However the youngest now lives with us and I see the same pattern of lack of boundaries. Now she is not stealing anything more. I'm just expected to be the glorified babysitter that she talks trash about to her mom. 

still learning's picture

If no one else has told you, YOU MATTER! Your happiness, peace, and security all matter.  They're all in crisis and don't care about you or your needs so you're going to have to take charge and set boundaries in that department. You're being used as the scapegoat for the crappy parenting job DH and BM did. None of their drama has anything to do with you but now you're somehow responsible. Then there's the gaslighting about how unreasonable and emotional you are about a pretty serious situation.  

Take care of yourself honey because no one else, even your own husband won't.  

A_January_B's picture

That is exactly why I'm so frustrated. It seems my needs are irrelevant and dismissed. I am expected to just go along with the flow and pretend all is well. Their is very little support from my husband surrounding these kids smh. I dont know how I got into this mess but it certainly is time for a change. Thanks for the words of encouragement.