I wondered what the drama would be about this weekend...
I didn't have to wait too long. Last night DH told SD11 that we were going out this morning at 10am. There is a festival in town and he wanted to go to it. It was also a beautiful sunny day and we did not want to waste it sitting around the house.
DH can't get downstairs to the kids rooms as he has a wheelchair, I do not get involved in waking up SD as she would become irrate and call her mother, it's better if I just stay out of it.
This morning at 9am DH hollered downstairs that she should get up as we were going in one hour. She said "no". He keep yelling downstairs every 15 minutes until 10:15am when he started getting really angry because we had planned to already be on the road by then. She said "I'm not getting up and if you're mean I'm calling mommy." DH said "Nope, I'm calling her, I'm not sitting here all day for you." He actually got the phone and called BM and told her that he was bringing SD home because she wouldn't get out of bed and he had things he wanted to do today. I went downstairs and SD got right up and packed her stuff and we drove her home. I'm so glad DH called her on her crap, SD was threatening to tell her mother that we needed her to get up so we could go out?? That's crazy, BM thinks it's our fault too so SD won't be coming next weekend now either.
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Wow, 11 years old and she's
Wow, 11 years old and she's saying 'no' and threatening to call BM?
I'd say 'call her'. If she or BM had a problem with the child listening to adults, she could stay with BM for as long as she wanted.
This is what happens when
This is what happens when adults allow kids to make decisions because "they come first"...my dad would not have been so nice...he would have told me off and pulled me out of bed...and then told me I better smile or he'd kick my butt and I'd be grounded when we got home.
I don't think you should have
I don't think you should have taken her home. I don't think going home should be an option if she doesn't want to participate in family functions. That could come back to haunt you.
If it were me I'd have left her with a sitter - with NO access to a phone. Or maybe I'd have told her she had to the count of 3 to get up and start getting ready or there would be consequences - loss of privilege, grounding, etc.
Going home to mommy would NOT be an option, calling mommy every time she didn't get her way wouldn't be an option either.
I agree with PoisonApples
I agree with PoisonApples that she shouldn't be "punished" by being sent home to her mom's. Now she knows that anytime she wants to leave your house, she can just be a little brat. I think you should have gotten a babysitter and went and had fun without her. I feel bad for your situation with her calling to tattle on you guys every time she gets mad, and that her dad can't physically get down to her room PLUS you aren't allowed to tell her to do anything! Sounds terrible...and that her mom is obviously not helping the situation, so your SD is taking full advantage.
Submitted by forestfairy on
Submitted by forestfairy on Sun, 07/04/2010 - 1:43pm.
"I feel bad for your situation with her calling to tattle on you guys every time she gets mad, and that her dad can't physically get down to her room PLUS you aren't allowed to tell her to do anything! Sounds terrible...and that her mom is obviously not helping the situation, so your SD is taking full advantage."
Yes, she is and that's why we don't mind if she doesn't come or leaves early, there's not much we can do with her. She hides downstairs and then if I address an issue with her all hell breaks loose and she goes home.
I'm confused, why did bf
I'm confused, why did bf take sd back to bm's house. Isn't he capable of handling the responsibility himself?
sd is not going to be punished at bm's house she will be rewarded for siding with bm and in the long run you will end up having bigger behaivoral problems because they weren't dealt with as a young child.
This is why some bm's have a hard time with fathers.
I think we actually won that
I think we actually won that battle even though we took her home. We ended up having a nice, peaceful weekend and we wouldn't have if sd was with us. She said she wasn't getting out of bed. She weighs more than I do, I suppose I could have dragged her onto the floor and taken all her blankets and pillow but then she would have either had a little fit or called BM who would have screamed at us.
DH told her a few weeks ago that when she is with us she will behave or he will be taking her back to BM. We don't need the bs that comes with her visits. He obviously can't control her, she is so full of hatred thanks to BM that we actually prefer she not visit. Maybe when she gets older she'll realise that BM is crazy but until then she can stay there. It will be interesting to see if she comes on our camping trip the end of July, I have a feeling that she won't want to.
I think you need to stop her
I think you need to stop her from calling BM when she's at your home. Confiscate the phone if necessary. Your are allowing the BM to wear the pants in YOUR home. I wouldn't tolerate it for a second.
We did stop letting SD use
We did stop letting SD use the phone for a few months. Of couse, she told BM and then it was 9 weeks before we saw her again. Oh, we are well aware that BM is running things. That's why we took SD home. SD got to sit in the apartment all day while we were out having fun and BM didn't get to go out drinking/parting that night either. As I already said, I still think we won because we had a great weekend. BM was running the show long before I was ever around. I don't think it's possible to change things now but we can have weekends without the bs.
I do think that if it was up to me I would have called the sitter I use for my kids, then we could have come home and told SD all the fun she missed. This would have been better punishment, but DH just wanted to take her home so he didn't have to deal with her at all.