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Hoping for advice. When to let things go and when to freak out.

3bk1sd's picture

I haven't posted in a long time. SD13 hasn't been coming over. Dh will occasionally go get her and take her for coffee or a movie. He has seen her maybe 4 times since Christmas. He does text or call her at least once a week but she is still angry with him. She was friends with my BS12 on facebook and she mentioned that she didn't go to her dad's anymore and was mad that he choose me over her. I have deleted her from BS's account as we don't need to read her foolish posts.
Sorry for the long lead-in to my question...
BM is gone for a month and SD is staying with her grandparents.
This morning DH called me and said "SD just called, she needs a ride home later from soccer." I said "no problem, that's good" and I meant it. I was thinking he'd take her for supper or something, he needs to spend more time with her to counter-act the pas. He said he'd be home about 30 mins late.
So awhile later I saw DH's cell phone sitting on the desk. I thought, how did SD call him if he has no cell phone? I didn't hear it ring. So I checked it and she didn't call the cell. The odd thing was that once a week or so I delete all his old texts, he just lets them sit forever. He claims to not understand his phone. What I noticed was that all Sd's texts were gone but no one elses.
I called DH at work. I said "you are lying about something and I want to know what is going on."
DH "What do you mean?"
Me "SD didn't call you this morning she would have tried your cell first not your work phone."
DH "Sometimes she calls me here, she is staying with her grandparents."
Me "Did SD call you today DH?"
DH "No."
Me "Why did you lie about it?"
DH "She sent a text yesterday, I didn't want to tell you."
Me "Ok DH you act like she is a secret girlfriend or something, you need mental help."
DH "Sorry"

So, I wonder how many other stupid lies he tells. I makes me angry that he would make up something so stupid and I wonder does he do it about everything. I never would have questioned him if he hadn't forgot his phone on the desk. What do I do from here? I really don't trust him, he is a liar.

Comments

3bk1sd's picture

That's what I'm thinking. That was such a stupid thing to lie about that he must lie about important stuff too. I haven't talked to him since he got home from work, I won't be able to until later. There are kids always listening Smile

buterfly_2011's picture

"mad that he choose me over her"

thats what has happened with us. SD is 17 and since January there is little to no contact. A few calls or texts but nothing really solid between SO and his daughter. I deleted her from my FB and my kids as well so they could no longer see her BS posts as well.

I stopped asking about SD17. I have been disgusted with their relationship from day one. I don't ask and therefore I don't have to hear about the stupidity of it all.

I think you should stand your ground and I think you should just let it go. It isn't going to change. His relationship with her won't change. And there isn't anything you can say or do to make it change. It will only eat you up and piss you off because he is reluctant to make the change.
I dont' expect my SO to tell me everytime his daughter or sons call or if he needs to pick them up.
Pick and choose the battles. This one isn't worth your anger. I'm sure he didn't say anything because he knew what you would say etc. And probably was trying to avoid conflict. Not a good choice but there again it's not worth a battle. Not unless your the one expected to go get her. Then I'd be like excuse me...... sooner notice would be appropriate.

3bk1sd's picture

That is the thing I don't understand. I wouldn't have been angry. I am glad that he sees her outside of our house. I expect him to be honest though, not make up stupid lies. I am brutally honest with him about my kids and my ex. He knows he can read my texts and I usually show them to him anyway, especially the entertaining ones from my ex.

knucklehead's picture

I'm really sorry he lied to you. It doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me, but he must have had some "reason" in his mind.

That said, don't you think it's odd that he deleted those messages? He must be aware you go through his phone.

Also, he's a grown ass man. Let him sort his own text messages. When you treat him like a child (he needs you handle his phone for him), he is more likely to act like one. (keeping secrets)