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Adult stepson expecting support forever - advice wanted

Nellie's picture

Submitted by Nellie on Thu, 03/23/2006 - 5:01pm

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Adult Stepchildren

Does any one have any experience or advice for dealing with an adult stepson that continues, at age 21, to request support from both his Dad (my husband) and his mother?

He graduated from high school almost 4 years ago and has not worked in 6 months. He has worked a little part time off and on (less than half the time) since high school but mostly he has lived with friends in casual couch surfing / garage etc. arrangements or with various relatives and never really been self supporting for any period of time before lapsing back into mooching mode. Right now he is living with his mother but wants to move back to our city and has been asking to move back in with us. I don't want him to move back in and so far my husband is respecting my wishes. In the past when we have agreed to let this stepson move in "temporarily" it has been difficult to get him to get a job and move out, and he does not respect the "drug free house" rule (he smokes marijuana and started doing cocaine last year - I don't know what he is doing now at his mom's, where he has been for the last 5 months). His last roommates kicked him out for behaving strangely - agression, hostility, bizarre acts - this was at the height of the cocaine taking. He has called all his friends in town and nobody will take him in any more. He has asked more than once to move in here - I worry that my husband will either cave in and say he can come to our home again, or start resenting me for trying to prevent him from coming here.

Positive Weekend

smcpaw's picture

Submitted by smcpaw on Tue, 03/21/2006 - 12:59pm

Although my boyfriend's daughter still hasn't come over or even called her dad since the last explosion with biomom, I had a better weekend with my own daughter. My boyfriend is becoming more accepting of living with my teenager (I think he feels bad because his daughter doesn't come over). My daughter had been acting out because she was jealous of my time being taken from her because of now living with my boyfriend.

Do kid really grow up at 21 and make decisions or do their biomoms ever leave them alone?

Sweetie's picture

Submitted by Sweetie on Mon, 03/20/2006 - 5:13pm

Well, that's a heck of a mouthful....but it really leaves you wondering.....here were are back to this old issue about my stepson. Flipping Snowflake Exwife will never leave stepson alone (who is now in the military) and makes his life hell when he is home to visit. She just can't ever let the subject rest about my husband and myself with my stepson and keeps stirring things up to try and upset him knowing it makes him uncomfortable. So, he still tries to stay in contact but its obvious that something has transpired since his last visit home at Christmas (to his Mom's).

Learning to Identify what Makes me Angry

Sweetie's picture

Submitted by Sweetie on Sun, 03/19/2006 - 2:53pm

I've noticed that in the last few months, that I've been able to isolate events and behaviors of other people that seem to trigger me to lose my temper or composure. It's kind of when I know I am reaching a point where I just can't stay around someone anymore without getting harsh. I think that many people in the roles that we have pretty much have a breaking point, and in some cases, I have gone past the breaking points until I can't go any further. It's like being on a tightrope, and the rope is so tethered and frayed, you are wondering how you can possibly continue to walk on it.

Trying to be Pleasant...even if it kills me

Sweetie's picture

Submitted by Sweetie on Sat, 03/18/2006 - 2:33pm

Well, I've had a difficult couple of days and haven't been on line because of some events that have happened at home. Namely, a major crisis and comment made by spouse, in which I was so angry, I could have really slapped him silly. In any event, I have a greyhound puppy that is 17 weeks old, and 2 nights ago, I took him outside around 5 p.m. because my husband didn't want to be bothered him in, so we decided that I would let him run in the fenced yard. That was fine.

It's been hard to process and talk about...

queen_bethy's picture

Submitted by queen_bethy on Fri, 03/17/2006 - 11:14am

Thanks SympatheticBioDad for stopping by my main blog to say hi! That was so very nice of you!

Well, things with my step-son are not getting better. Since he moved back in with his mother, he's actually gotten worse. My Hubby and his ex had a very long talk last night about their son and came to a very hard conclusion: he needs medical help.

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