Not really sure why, except that maybe BM will come out more upset and angry and start taking out on DH and me again, not to mention SD.

I admit that I'm unemployed, but I'm taking care of my car payment, insurance, the household electric and gas and partial grocery bill for myself and him AND HIS two BRATS...plus I make all their breakfast, lunches and dinners....and do all their laundry and clean the house but apparently that's not enough for FH. I took down half the XMAS (and I say X-mas for a reason...I HATE the holidays and hated it even more this year) decorations....in the house today and I was happy with half because FH decorates like the griswald's....

SD 8 and SD 10 requests to have more time with DH over the past year has intensified. We are constantly hearing from SK's that BM yells a lot, the drive from across town to their school is too long, and the friend's house they are staying at smells like cat pee. Per our conversations, both SD's say they talked to BM about getting more visitation every week with their dad. Varied responses come from this person, who I fear has unmanaged bipolar disorder. She tells DH and the kids that she will agree to letting the kids stay over an extra night, then that night comes she'll recant.

I never imagined I would be seen like the evil stepmother. I felt so guilty for feeling the way i do sometimes. I am just so thrilled that I am not the only one. I mean its nothing to be thrilled about but now I just realized that I am not lost in this alone. That I can speak my mind freely and not have to feel guilty about it.. I really hope venting helps me heal cause I have been feeling not my happy self for quite a while.

Skids have been at their moms for a week. Really could care less if they came back. They care nothing for their dad or any of us in this house. They just use us. Sometimes I wish they would jusy go.

This gets harder and harder. I want a baby of my own, someone who I can cuddle with and care for and not get any smack for it. I am jealous of my BF for the simple fact that he has a child. I love her and him both and Im ok with them, but I just want a baby that will want me to hold it when it cries. I watch my BF hold his daughter when she cries and her cling to him, I want that.

Hey everyone, an update on my last blog. So my H went to cali to pick up SD11 from BM since X-mas break was over. As I mentioned before we are in the middle of a court battle with this women because she decided she is ready to be a mother and wants to protect her daughter from me. BLAA BLAA! Its getting so old. Anyways, this women is so stupid, Last summer she refused to send SD back to us and used the excuse that she didn't want me to do the pickup in Cali. My sister lives by the airport and it would of made more sense for me to go and visit my sister than H taking time off of work.

I know... Christmas is over, it's a brand new year... but I haven't been on the site much, so thought I'd vent about Christmas. So, for anyone that reads my blogs you've probably heard me mention how my ss8 is growing 'out' and not 'up', and how he is completely inactive and obsessed with food...

So as Im sure most of you can guess I have issues with my skids. They are probably some of the worst kids that I have come across because thier mother does not dicipline them. My boyfriend and I were talking on Monday and I asked him if he enjoyed having his kids and the house and he was honest and said no. Its of course not becuase he doesnt love them he does but the whole dynamic of the house changes when they are there and you can feel the stress and soon as they come through the door. He sees them every 1, 3, 5 weekend of the month and has a Wednesday overnight.

We have an upcoming event approx 2 hours away that we have been invited to-an engagement dinner for a relative at a restaurant. Young ss (kindergarten) I believe has emotional issues and possibly at some point may be found to have an inherited form of mental illness from his mother, he is extremely fussy, cries at the drop of a hat, and can be just very touchy and unpleasant. It is not practical to think we are going to be able to have him drive to a restaurant, eat, then drive back without meltdowns. That is a bit of a trip for anyone that age but especially a kid like him.