When skids stop by unannounced on TMs time
Forums:
Here is a bit of confusion to me - how do you handle this?
When TM has the skids, they are often needing to still "drop by" this home and pick up things they forgot or didn't know they needed. It's not so bad when DH is here, but when TM has them on ROFR and I'm alone here, there's a creepy factor when they come by unannounced. They are supposed to text to me let me know/ask if it's a good time - but it's hit or miss. This is a high conflict case, as well, and both DH and I feel that TM drops them by to retaliate or something, and CAUSE disruption and invasion of privacy. Like the time she had to pass three stores and a mile out of her way to pick up maxipads for SD at our house. Ugh.
This needs to stop. How would you handle this?
lock the door and act like
lock the door and act like i'm not home?
Oh, I forgot to say that
Oh, I forgot to say that currently they do have keys. Would changing the locks and codes make them feel like when it is DH's parenting time EOW that this is not really their home if they feel "locked out?" Right now, that's really what I want to do and I don't care how they feel if they are going to be inconsiderate lol!
Yeah, I get that... Hmmm....
Yeah, I get that...
Hmmm....
But the arguement should be
But the arguement should be made that if they're supposed to call or text and don't, you guys have every right to NOT give them keys. If they're not being respectful of your family unit when they're at BM's, then they lose their priveledges. I don't see why they think they're entitled to come over while with BM. They're also all old enough to come over themselves without BM so if there's a problem and they forgot something, come over minus BM. I would sit down with them and have DH explain that there is a new rule that they will lose their keys/have locks changed if they cannot follow the one simple rule of calling ahead for permission. And I don't mean, call and leave a message and show up; I mean call/text and talk to someone and do not come by without permission, period.
I'm not familiar with your
I'm not familiar with your story, but I like this above idea unless skids are old enough that they come and go on their own when it's your DH's parenting time. If that's the case, still change the locks. They have a set of keys issued to them when they come in, and they give them back before they leave.
Thank you for your feedback!
Thank you for your feedback! I will definitely present the changed locks idea to DH. I'd be uncomfortable with the kids having keys at all - we are always home when they are in and out on our time. Not even the keyless/keypad entry would work...hmmm.... TM will NOT like this idea, and I could care less what she thinks, but she would find a way to make a key copy if the skids had one at any time. And I'll chat with him too, about making sure the skids have what they need before they leave each home, or they may have to wait and do without until they visit again. This is just getting ridiculous! Talking with the skids will have to include something that it has nothing to do with them, it's just something we need to do to protect our home - sort of thing. Not make it personal to anyone.
Personally, my son would
Personally, my son would always be welcome in my home and have a key to my home regardless of my parenting time. And if my new spouse had a problem with it...well then WE as spouses would have a problem.
I think the issue is the kids
I think the issue is the kids bringing crazy BM to her house. I would not be okay with BM being at my house when I'm not home.
Naaahhh she doesn't want the
Naaahhh she doesn't want the step kids at her house unless it is her husband's parenting time. They have 50/50 custody and she wants the kids to have no keys and wants to change the locks/access codes? That is not realistic.
Realistic or not, it is a
Realistic or not, it is a fact of life when there is a crazy BM involved. SOrry, it just is. My SD will not be allowed to take a key to this house with her (when she is old enough) to her mother's house. EVER. I don't like her mother. I don't trust her mother. This is my home, too. I help pay the mortgage. SD can come here any time I am home, but not when the house is empty. If she is old enough to have a key, she is old enough to be responsible for her stuff and to take what she needs when she goes.
Our security system allows for multiple codes with the ability to deactivate any code at will. That is what will be happening.