When is it NOT your home and you can't get your things or just drop by?
I think I came on here about a year ago with this same problem - "resolved" in the parenting plan in March. Well, TM doesn't like it so she's not sticking to it. CO says: Skids are under the full responsibility of the parent who has them. Not using our home as a drop-off point - Any stuff they forget the non-custodial parent takes over AFTER determining they think it's necessary.
Here's the dilemma. TM says SS needs a drop off point after school. We say no, follow the CO. She sends him anyways and he barges into the home unannounced and unexpected and when DH is out of town. Three times in a row. We are now called "being difficult." Whatever.
While DH is still out of town, then SD wants to come by and pick up some things. I ignore her requests because I'm not her parent and I'm not going to determine what's important or not. So, SD, that's basically a NO. So, SD enters the home when I'm not here looking for her stuff.
I get, that when DH is out of town and the kids need a drop off point and need their things maybe they should be able to do what they need here, even though it's in the CO, it's their home. Or is it? If they are technically under TMs care, when they enter my home when DH is gone, aren't they now in MY care? Is it fair for them to think they can have unlimited access to the home whenever they like because their things are in there?
All I want to do is change the locks and hide...
Time for a security alarm.
Time for a security alarm. No, they don't live there full time, no Dad isn't home. Sorry, if it's not a medication, sports equipment for team, or a musical instrument - No.
It's your home too and You have a say.
*(i would be really uncomfortable knowing that people can come and go as they please when I'm not there)
I don't believe in letting
I don't believe in letting skids have keys to a house they don't live in full time. (Such as the house where they spend EOWE) But 50% is a tough one. I still wouldn't give keys to my home because I'd see it as BM being able to possibly get access to my home. If there is a tiny chance they'd let BM into your home, no key!
I get that BM is rubbing you
I get that BM is rubbing you the wrong way by sending SS over when you said no. And that IS irritating. But I don't think it's right to make the kids feel like Dad's home is not their home. In my opinion, that will make them resent you and start a power struggle that will cause bigger problems for you in the long run.
If it were me, I would try to impose some reasonable expectations, like that you need to be called first if they need to come by, then you can have item waiting for kid. And if SS is going to be coming after school, you need to know which days. You could also try identifying a different drop off location, like a friend, library, Boys/Girls club, etc.
This is just my opinion, but I don't think this is a hill to die on.