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Update two: SD attempts suicide

dontwanttobefigured's picture

Well, it happened. I expected this, in my sad way. Last night BM told BF and I that SD had attempted suicide when she was last in our home (few days ago). This was after we started her visits with mom, and then I was hospitalized for a week so Dad had to keep his attention on me and baby. SD was not able to be here - dad wasn't here either, and she acted out with mom. We punished her here, after finding out she had had some further substance issues, and she stayed in her room the whole time she was here. She wouldn't speak to anyone or eat when here, unless she snuck down to eat on her own.

It came out last night, after BM called to confess taht she herself had been drunk again and SD was now as sister's house, that SD contemplated and made steps to kill herself in my home. The reason she didn't truly "try"? She thought she heard dad coming in to talk to her finally, and so she laid there and fell asleep.

I'd like thoughts please. Neither parent realizes this child needs RESIDENTIAL MENTAL HEALTH help. I have now contacted the social worker and the therapist, because as far as I am concerned SD can't be in our home if she is a threat to herself, or others (told mom my baby would be better off dad than having me for a parent). She can't be at mom's safely as mom can't stay on the damn wagon. Sis is 21 and has a tiny baby, and there is NO supervision there most of the evenings. SD has smoked up there and has few rules there. (Sis is threatening to get attorney and get custody though.)

This situation never gets better. Finally dad stopped the bullshit and agreed to keep it stopped - but now SD has obviously lost it.

skylarksms's picture

So, SD is supposedly suicidal because you made her boyfriend (aka: bio-father) stop hooking up with her?

I definitely agree that this girl needs a SERIOUS mental health evaluation and even possibly to be placed (at least temporarily) in some neutral setting instead of living with mom/dad.

monet30's picture

my SD pulled this one many times to get DH to give her what she wanted new car, me gone, money, or ( I just dont have anyone anymore) players plan and simple.

dontwanttobefigured's picture

Firmly agree and said as much to counselor via email. Neither home appropriate for this child and frankly she needs full on psych evaluation as well as intensive therapy - whether the suicide attempt happened or she just wants everyone to think it did so she can get her dad to date her again. I am right there on your same page. I just don't know what else I can do to force that issue. If counselor does nothing or very little, what the hell else is there? DFS is on it. Counselor is supplied by them and has been in both homes and TOLD dad drives to school are plenty of healthy talk time, that until SD earns more NORMAL privileges like ICE CREAM (not dates), this is plenty and if she really wants to TALK to him she will have to use normal, appropriate means. Dad then denied to me that counselor said that and I made it clear, if this issue ever arises again he is out of the house with SD and a daily phone call to the abuse hotline. He says he will stay withiin the boundaries I created, and I believe him. He did not pick up SD last night but sent her back to now sober mom's house, even though she whined and told him he doesn't love her and so on. I am playing very hard ball with all of these people and yet NO ONE seems to back me up and get this kid help. I am actually afraid to have her here - afraid she will hurt herself, me, my kids, or our coming child. She can only come on short day visits at this point, by my rules. And those will be all family present at all times. Period.

skylarksms's picture

Good for you to hold strong on this situation!

Even if there never was any real physical relationship between the two, SD still has been brought up with WAY inappropriate boundaries. Maybe she was sexually abused at some point and this is her way of dealing (not necessarily with dad but with SOMEone). No matter what, from her point of view, her whole life and way of thinking has been uprooted. She can no longer use her sexuality to get attention so now she has escalated her attention seeking behavior.

dontwanttobefigured's picture

I have no idea. I am desperately trying to figure out what to do here; if the threat/attempt was real the child is in grave danger ESPECIALLY now that dad has finally decided to stop playing into the weird sexual stuff. If it was made up, it may become real because of the reaction he had last night. SOMEONE surely will listen but I don't know what else to do. I don't hate this kid. I want her to get some appropriate help and be healthy and whole, but it seems I am the only one who is willing to step out and say nothing here is ok and we need help.

always wrong's picture

Sis is 21 and has a tiny baby, and there is NO supervision there most of the evenings. SD has smoked up there and has few rules there. (Sis is threatening to get attorney and get custody though.)

Why does Sis want to get custody? Is this something she has just started threatening since CPS/Therapists, etc. have come into the picture? Would she be able to take care of SD and provide for her?

I commend you for having the strength to stay together and focused during this trying time for your family. I think you are doing the right thing, as it seems no one else wants to open their eyes to what is going on around them. As for the suicide attempt, whether she truly tried it or not, to say you have is signs of mental issues. Therapist should be able to have her admitted into a mental facility for this.