breaking up in a blended family!

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Me and my.SO have been together for 4 years. In that time I have basically.raised his kids boys 9 and 14. Now we have 16 month old baby. The past year and half our realtionship has been really bad. No trust,no communication -except.for.fights. we don't do anything.g I make.efforts to go out with him but he prefers to be with his friends than me and.he is older than me! Our last.fight he told.me.leave and.I did. For the past week I've been staying with my parents. But I have to take the baby to SO everyday M-F when I work 8am-6pm. I have to see SO everyday. How am I supposed to get over him if I have to see him.everyday?? I feel so sad and.depressed. all I do is cry when instead I should.count my blessings and think positive that things will be better. I feel like I will never meet.anyone because all I do is work and.take.care.of.my son. I don't have money or time to go out a lot. But I literally don't know how I'm going to get over a man that I shared 4 years with, done too much for him and his kids,now have a child.with.....??? I list down all the things he's done to me and why I'm not happy with him or skids to make myself.feel.anger instead of.pain. I'm upset that
He doesn't want to try to get me back and it was him who had enough of the fighting cycle.. I know it was inevitable that we would break up-front too much fighting,nothing really.holding us as glue except sex. I would like to hear from women who have a child.with the man they're no longer with ... especially if you're in a step situation or have skids...... I'm so lost and.confused. I keep trying to look up but its so hard ..

It hurts now, but things will

It hurts now, but things will get better.

The first thing have to do is stop seeing him every day. Look into daycare in your area. You may qualify for free or low cost child care.

Next head to court for CS. If you need assistance until you get on your feet, apply for it. If you haven't completed your degree, use this time to do so.

Try to stay focused on what is best for you and your baby.

I agree w/ scubed. One second

I agree w/ scubed. One second you are sad that he isn't wanting you back, the next you are upset that you can't meet someone else. Try being alone for a while. Find alternative childcare. This should have been step one, although I'm suspicious it wasn't because you figured that if he saw you every day he would want you back. You admit that the relationship wasn't good, you should be happy right now!

I can't afford Child.care

I can't afford Child.care neither can he. One of our issues was always money. I take the baby over in the morning so I can go to.work and my ex can spend time with his son because he works nights. There arent many alternatives to our situation and we havent taken the time to sit and discuss it because both of us are too emotional now to talk like adults.I don't want him back, it just hurts to know that he doesn't want me.at all.and in the past if we've fought generally he's always wanted to be with me again. I don't want to be with anyone else now I can't think.about that because I still love my ex so.much . I have my son to focus on so I'm looking for
another man in my life..I'm talking about in
the future far from now. Now I know I need
to take care of myself and son. I'm going to
get counseling and start working out maybe
go back to school.for a.master's degree. But
my day to day life is breaking my heart because I have to see a man that I still love that doesn't want anything to do with me and I can't seem to come to grips with that. I have a man that wants very.much to be in his sons life but who barely can look at me. It hurts because I still love him and I know that are not.meant for eachother.

What state are you in? There

What state are you in? There are all sorts of government assistance programs for people in need. Childcare, food, medical insurance. I can't guarantee that you qualify, but if the two of you were always short on money and now you're living with your son on only your income, you may. Do some research on the income guidelines and such for your state.

You can get help to get up on

You can get help to get up on your feet. You can EVEN get help for daycare. There are programs to help you restart your life. I have gone through what you describe. It feels like there is no light. But trust me there is. You can do this. You have a baby that depends on you. You don't need a relationship full of fighting. I experienced that as well with an ex that I was with for over 4 years. My children are the ones who suffered. The fighting is unhealthy. My mom told me to write out all the pro's and con's of the relationship. Clearly the con's was a LONGER list. I kept it in my purse and when I missed him I pulled it out and reminded myself of the reasons I was no longer with him. When you miss somebody you forget all the bad. Good Luck

My heart breaks for you... I

My heart breaks for you... I went through this for some time with my ex... luckily I had so much going on in my life that I had to just keep going...

ABout getting angry... I know for me sometimes that makes me feel worse... just tell yourself that today is just today... do what you need to do... just because you aren't together today does not mean you won't ever be together... maybe some time part is what you need... right now there are a lot of emotions clouding your head that are going to take some time to clear.

Join the gym...spend time with family... there are lots of better ways to spend this time apart than crying and worrying about tomorrow... take it one day at a time... maybe tomorrow you will feel better and start to get over him... maybe tomorrow things will change and he will start to come around... either way just make it through today. Be strong, don't break down.. and cherish every moment you have with your baby..

the days are long but the years are so short...

I found myself in some very low moments while trying to make it through a break up... but I did get over him... and even though I was busy eventually I did meet someone else... the right man will find you...

I am no counselor and I am young myself but I have had a broken heart and offer you my encouragement...

i am going thru the same

i am going thru the same thing myself. We were together 8 yrs and lived together as stepfamily for almost 5. The lack of agreeing led to much fighting hurt feelings and the 2 of us behaving in a way we were not proud of to say the least. The saddest part to me is that our bad behavior doesn't anywhere near the reflect the true quality of the people we are but my boyfriend refused to believe it could every be better. This was the first time we were ever a stepfamily and it was new to both of us. We had 6 kids and his mother with us. We didn't know our wonderful love for each other initially could become so painful. It was a painful realization when the day came to acknowledge that this wasn't going to work out. I wanted to get counseling and hang in there, but he said he wanted me to move out of his house. I wanted to get educated now that we had hit rock bottom and the realization about how hard it was to be a stepfamily, but he adamantly refused. He said he was done and that he didn't know who he was anymore and that he wanted to live alone with his kids. That was two weeks ago and I am going thru the same thing. I have been thru a divorce so I know that time is a great healer, but that heavy sick feeling in the pit of your stomach that something went so terribly wrong just weighs me down and it is hard to get from one day to the next. I don't know how 2 people with so much love for each other managed to hurt each other so terribly. I wish I could go back in time and do it over now having learned a painful lesson. Hindsight is 20/20. I wish you the best. Write down the cons and the pros and seek out some help. Stepfamilies are are very very very complicated relationships......I had know idea. I thought I was a good person and welcomed loving 3 other children into my heart......good luck to you...

It must be very depressed.

It must be very depressed. You know, 4 years is not that much when you get over this problem. I know a couple spend 7 years together but they still break up. Now, the most important is your son. In the past, you tried and did everything for him and his family, but he don't respect that, he is not deserved. Every thing will be allright, 1 year, 2 years, you will be okay. I believe that all the best things will come.
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