too much love?
is it possible to become too attached to a stepchild?
my SS is almost five and he's been in my and BF's custody since age two. BM has been in and out of jail, seeing him at scheduled supervised visitations when not incarcerated. and the thing is: i love him. i love him more than i ever thought i could. if something (god forbid) should ever happen to his BF, he would most likely go to his mother and this is SO INCREDIBLY UPSETTING! not only because of he drug/alcohol/child abuse history, but also because i don't want to lose him.
just today, he fell asleep in the car ride home. i got him out and carried him inside. he nuzzled himself on my shoulder and mumbled out an "i love you". breaks my fucking heart. sorry for the language.
how do you cope? what do you do?
I don't think you love him to
I don't think you love him to much...you are suppose to love your kids more then anything...I love my 2 SD's like they are my own (I dont have any bio kids) and I dont apologize for it. There BM's love me for it because they know they are sending them to be with someone that will take care of them. The best thing you can do is build a strong relationship with the BM's. It is hard, and for some not possible, but I made it a priority and I am confident that if anything did happen to my DH that I would not be shut out of our girls lives. That is all that I can do.
Is there any way that the bm
Is there any way that the bm will let you adopt him?
the BM resents me for having
the BM resents me for having custody of her child, does not pay support, and makes incredible claims like i'm using her son as a paycheck (child support)--ridiculous. it seems she would much rather me not be around at all. no way she'd sign over parental rights...only possibility is to convince the court she is an unfit parent. which she clearly is, but apparently is very hard to fly in court.
No... a friend was telling me
No... a friend was telling me today that she loved her stepson like a son. IMHO - I think it may be MUCH easier when there isn't a bio-mom in the picture. The bio-mom (died from cancer shortly after giving birth) was not in the picture, and so essentially my friend became "mom" literally. She said it melted her heart when her hubby said it was okay to call her mom, and the child (an adult now) came home and told her that he was so happy that he told all of his friends that "he had a mom too now, just like all of them". She said it just melted her heart.
I think that when the bio-mom isn't in the picture, then the child is much more open to loving you like a mom, and treating you like a mom (respect, adoration, etc.). I think oftentimes a child think that he/she is being disloyal to the mother if they treat the step-mom like their mom. Which is why it is so hard for step-moms to deal with kids who most of the time treat them like they are strangers.