Paternity in Question
Recently, BM has started dating a man that she cheated on DH with before SS9 was born. She claimed in court the other day (we were there for a hearing on her Contempt of Court for the Parenting Agreement), that the boyfriend is 50% chance the father of SS and that DH has known this all along.
There are so many responses to that argument, but what I’m most concerned about is actually proving paternity and also, what happens if this other man is the biological father?
-What is a good way to verify parenting outside of court? All tests I’ve seen are online and very expensive. Are they trustworthy and do you think the money is worth finding out before the court and Bm do?
-If BM requests it through the court, what happens if the boyfriend is the biological father? I mean immediately and also long-term.
DH has been the sole custodian for the child since he was 2, due to BM’s various criminal charges and record with CPS. Her boyfriend also has an extensive rap sheet.
Has anyone experienced a situation like this? I’ll take any advice!
ALl I can say is OMG!!!!
ALl I can say is OMG!!!! WOW!
Was DH really aware that he could potentially NOT be the father?
Not sure but I believe if the mother is the one requesting the paturnity test then she would have to pay for the test. Same thing if DH requests it, then he pays for it.
NOt sure what will happen if it is determined the SS is not DH's. Sadley enough I would think the child would be given back to BM if that is the case or to the BF.
I am sure the testing you find online is just as accurate as anyother testing but never had to deal with it.
Good Luck to you and your family!
I like your perspective. I
I like your perspective. I would never dream of hoping that they aren't biologically father and son, but I DO absolutely want to know. I just hate the idea of her bringing this up again and again to hurt DH.
What has your DH said about
What has your DH said about this? Did he know that biologically his son might not be his?
This is very sad, if in fact that your DH isnt the dad.
No experience, sorry or real advice but (((HUGS)))
He did not know this
He did not know this possibility. And SS looks just like him, so there's not really a "concern" but now that BM is throwing around this information, it's unnerving.
Is his name on the birth
Is his name on the birth certificate?
If so in the eyes of the law he is the daddy. Done. Not even he can undo that. They dont care WHO is the "real" daddy so long as the kid has A daddy who IS taking care of him.
Actually...this is mostly
Actually...this is mostly true. If the mother is in court during custody hearings saying "he's not your kid after all!" and the father WANTS to have a paternity test the judge may remove his name from the birth certificate once it's established that he's not the father. (I've actually seen this happen.) BUT the judge told him that if he didn't want a paternity test and he just said "nope, this is my child" (which is what he did) then the judge told the mother "sorry, you put him on the birth certificate, he says he's the father, nothing you can do about it!"
Yes, his name is on the birth
Yes, his name is on the birth certificate and they were married when SS was born.
kathc, what state did this occur in?
I know of two instances where
I know of two instances where the father was removed from the BC. One in CA and the other I think in TX or MO (son of my mother's friend - not sure what state this happened in).
In both instances the mother fessed up to paternity during divorce proceedings as she wanted to marry the bio father. In each case the child was about 4 or 5. The legal (non bio) father had to agree to this. In other words all 3 individuals had to agree to severance of parental rights to the child for the non bio dad.
The one that I knew the most about it was very difficult for the exH to make that decision. It was not to get out of CS. He truly believed that it would be in the best interest of the child. It's been about 20 years now, but I have no idea how things ended up for the children. Not exactly something you want to ask about.
I also have an acquaintance
I also have an acquaintance who had four children supposedly from one man. The Man and woman got divorced and the DH insisted upon testing done on ALL children. The kids were ranging in ages from 11-2 I believe. Come to find out, only the youngest was his. The oldest child ended up meeting her bio father and took on his name. Bio father stepped up to the plate and became daddy. BM had told him all along it wasn't his until it was proven. Not sure what happened to the middle two. The DH ended up only taking on the one bio child even though he had been Daddy to the other three all along. Not sure how I feel about it other than the BM was a total nightmare and maybe he did it for self preservation....to get out of a ton of CS...who knows.
I can understand the courts allowing the DH to remain the legal father if there is no one else there to take over but not sure how it works if the Bio dad wants to be dad.
I would consider seeking legal advise just to be sure. You can get a free consult with pretty much any attorney.
Clevergirl lives up to her
Clevergirl lives up to her name with her great advice! No need to add anything but I will say maybe your DH can rest a little easier knowing that the ball most likely will be in his court if BM does actually pursue the testing.
His son will be his son no matter the results.
Wishing your family the best!
The long time rule was that
The long time rule was that the legal father of the child was the man married to the mother at the time of birth. That was a social policy to make sure someone was responsible for baby, not the state. So any bio father who was shtupping a married woman would have to take extraordinary measures to be recognized in any way and, yes, the husband-father would usually have to sign his rights away.