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SD gained 60 pounds—DH “worried” about her

Too old for this's picture

Submitted by Too old for this on Wed, 08/15/2018 - 3:54pm

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Adult Stepchildren

SD43 and her 3 kids came to town this week.  They  came to our home when only DH was there. (That’s another story). I unexpectedly arrived home and said hello.  She immediately left with the kids.

My jaw dropped when I saw her.  In the space of a year she has put on 60 pounds.  She was dressed sloppily and looked horrible.  I am not “fat shaming” here,  I am giving this as background.

Interestingly now, for the first time DH is “worried”.   He was not worried - because he appeared not to notice- the yelling, the drama, the lies, the rudeness, the open warfare on me.  Now, for the first time,  he says he thinks she has issues.  No kidding Sherlock.

 I guess when it is physical he sees it.  When it is behavior he doesn’t.   Obviously I said nothing to her and let DH raise it.  

I think I will stay out of this issue.  He can worry all he wants.  

Ispofacto's picture

Submitted by Ispofacto on Wed, 08/15/2018 - 4:16pm

Eating disorders are very common amongst these disordered people.

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Submitted by Aniki-Moderator on Wed, 08/15/2018 - 4:22pm

How did you respond to DH's concerns? "Uh-huh" and "Mmmmm" are acceptable...

Areyou's picture

Submitted by Areyou on Wed, 08/15/2018 - 4:33pm

SD13 is 160 pounds at 5’2. That’s 40 pounds lighter than her dad who is 6’2, 200lbs. DH is worried too lol

sandye21's picture

Submitted by sandye21 on Wed, 08/15/2018 - 4:57pm

I agree with you for staying out of this issue.  When SD was a teenager she was really pretty but rarely smiled and pouted a lot.  Some time ago, before disengagement, we were all at a family reunion where SD attended.  DH's relatives made remarks about how much weight SD had gained and how ugly she was getting.   Had no idea if DH heard them and didn't ask. 

I think our attitudes and degree of toxicity eventually come to the surface - remember the movie 'The Portrait of Darien Gray'?.  I've also noticed from painting portraits that people tend to use 'filters' when they see a person that they exposed to often.  The beauty or the ugliness is magnified.  Sometimes we are surprised when we unexpectedly see our reflection in a window or someone close to us who immerges from a crowd.  This is what happened to your DH.

If your jaw dropped when you saw SD, your DH was probably shocked into reality.  Maybe this will cause him to start looking at SD through something besides rose colored glasses.  Keeping my fingers crossed for you.

marblefawn's picture

Submitted by marblefawn on Wed, 08/15/2018 - 5:58pm

I'd stay out of it. She's not giving you any opening and concerns about her weight sure won't be appreciated coming from a SM!

Leave your husband to it. I'm sure he'll find exactly the right balance of words to say, "Gee, honey, you kind of let yourself go."

Too old for this's picture

Submitted by Too old for this on Wed, 08/15/2018 - 7:57pm

My role on this one is : not my circus.