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Vent / Update

The Triangle's picture

So back in late June ss DECIDED he didn’t want to come home from visitation.  He said it was because I “changed” after my father passed. I was too sad . Anyways, the system screwed us and wouldn’t let DH just go get him. So, he filed a show cause.  She tried to pull him out of school, she filed for full custody, my name was ALL over every document and convo dealing with this. Then, dh and I spoke and decided (not lightly) to let him stay.  He is 15 now and as you all KNOW, court is not a speedy process. So we figured if we fought then in 2 years when it was over, as would be 17 and be able to give us the middle finger and leave anyways. Along with blame dh for “keeping him” from his “mom?” That being said ss is still a JERK!  So disrespectful!  Dh is beside himself and bm is trash!  Ex:  he ignores dh’s Phone calls, talks to him horribly, and is just a lying, sneaky pos.  I feel bad for dh.  They had an AWESOME relationship!  As we all know the squeaky wheel gets the grease, and in the 10 years we had him, he spent a majority of his time not being “present”.  He would be with us at fam functions and have the 1000 mile stare becuse he was desperate to know how “mommy” was doing.  He missed so much LIFE doing this.

finally their fam dog passed and “mom” is depressed so sweet baby angel gets anxious and decides he is staying.  Fast forward this week: we have a family member literally on his death bed and ss could give a crap!  We are also about to be pounded by this storm so dh reaches out to ss  last nightto make sure that they are prepared.  NO REPLY.  So, dh calls him today and he IGNORES it. Y’all I know he is a child but I am fit to be tied with his disrespect!  Her as well.  Dh hasn’t cancelled his court case as of yet because, well,  she SUCKS!  I am beyond furious.  I mean I can go to counseling and what not BUT dh is broken.  What a trashy hell! Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!!

Notup4it's picture

It is the hardest thing in the world to watch the kids be damaged, alienated and act like they are no part of your family after all you do- and then to see the pain it causes dad is really unbearable, and impossible to accept. 

Right now we are sitting on the fence as well with DH’s teenage kids. We received THE most ridiculous response from bio hoe I have EVER heard to DH’s lawyer trying to settle before trial date.... it was laughable. But we are at the point now where we just want out.... DH’s lawyer said we had to respond, and that if we agreed to the ridiculous terms and how outlandish it was she could actually get in huge trouble with the bar (that was how bad it was). She said she would be fully unable to register that agreeance in court because the judge would 100% submit a complaint if she did.

We have spent so much on court, we are both so emotionally damaged and this stuff is bleeding into every aspect of our life.  As easy as it is to say disengage when you live within the storm it is truly impossible and it is impossible for it not to impact your life in profound ways. 

I don’t know what the answer is either, I really wish I did. I have a child myself and I cannot even fathom the idea of not talking to her for months on end and her ignoring my calls—- I would also NEVER allow her to do that to her dad either.  I cannot understand the mindset of these people and how they can promote such dysfunction/

The Triangle's picture

Truly!  I was definitely feeling on my own island.  I had started to disengage but mainly because I am sick of being the doormat, the reason, the scapegoat.  Unfortunately my one shot at being a parent has been tainted since day one.  I am sorry that you understand what I am going through.  Thank you tho’.