BM in denial
It was a skid weekend and it turned out really great. SD did some homework on Saturday and had a friend over for most of the day yesterday. As a preteen, she can be moody and sassy but we nip that in the bud. BM just can't figure it out.
She's almost always grounded at BM's for one reason or another. It is just not necessary at our house. SD gets along with us much better and we don't have to yell at her like BM and her boyfriend do.
SD desperately needs DH's influence in her life. She misbehaves over there all the time and even GBM wants SD to live with us. SD asked when she can be with us more and we told her that we're not getting more time until BM agrees. SD says that BM told her she can decide at 14 but why wait?
SD will be in 8th grade next year then high school. BM knows that DH is the better parent but she just won't commit to more time legally. DH has asked her multiple times. BM allows plenty of extra sleepovers when it's convenient for her. She doesn't get that much in CS so I can only see control as the incentive for her stubbornness. Again, BM's own mother told SD that she should be with DH instead of BM.
SD does much better in school when she's with us. She's respectful 99% of the time and she does what she's told without having to be grounded or yelled at. Does it sound like BM is just going to hand her over when she's 14 like she insinuated? I think not..
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Comments
You seem a tad preoccupied
You seem a tad preoccupied with getting custody of this girl. I'm sure you have very few problems with her as you only see her EOWE. The more time you have with her, the more problems you will have, just like bm.
It's bound to happen yes but
It's bound to happen yes but how the problems are handled make a world of difference.
And since everyone is so keen
And since everyone is so keen on letting this girl make grown up decisions, she will move back to bm the second she doesn't like how you handle her.
I am going to ask the
I am going to ask the question again:
Have you and DH sorted out your finances enough that you can support having her full-time? I doubt, even if she let SD live with you, that BM would pay a dime in CS. If that's the case, can you support her? In December, money was so tight that you used gift money from your mother to buy groceries. That can't be an every month occurence.
Also, didn't SD skip a grade? If she is smart enough to skip a grade, it doesn't sound like she is struggling in school. Also, does she get in trouble at school? If not, and the only place she gets in trouble is BM's house, then she KNOWS how to behave appropriately but chooses not to. You have to find out WHY. Will she start misbehaving for you when your house is no longer Disneyland with sleepovers and delivery pizza so that you send her back to BM when she's licking her wounds? Foes your DH get on SD to behave for BM? If she is bein disrespectful to BM, she deserves to be grounded, and your DH should be backing BM on correcting SD's behavior.
Your SD is smart. She knows what she wants and she's going to twist and manipulate to get it. Start imposing the rules on her now that she would have if she lived with you full time and see how she behaves. It honestly could be that she would prefer to live with her dad for very good reasons, but it may also be that she thinks the grass is greener at Dad's. You all sound like you live close enough for 50/50 custody, and I think if you look to modify to any schedule, it should be to that.
She was like 9 last year. How
She was like 9 last year. How is she 12 all of a sudden. How is she going to 8th grade? Also is DH working on his drinking and pot smoking habits? I don’t understand how the whole family changed so much so quickly
and everything will change as
and everything will change as soon as SD is 14-15.... then she will hate your house where there's rules and she will run back to BM, where she's left to do what ever, sleep with whom ever and where there's no rules
No doubt BM is getting all
No doubt BM is getting all kinds of assistance from the gov't in addition to her measly CS, which she would no longer qualify for if she no longer had custody. And if she gave DH custody, her income could be imputed so she would be assessed a minimum CS she would be responsible for paying, enforceable by the gov't.