SS17 Sabotaging Self, Acting Like BM
SS17 continues his ways, and the consequences are pretty darn unsurprising. I'm watching him continue to lie & manipulate until the bitter end, where magically it's everyone's fault but his own. Sad that he chooses this for himself. Latest episode involves high school, graduation, goals (stated voals, not to be confused with goals actually being worked on), and the consequence of missing out big-time due to SS17's ongoing sh*tty behavior. DH having to deal with him as I'm disengaged. Me pointing out go DH that I share the teacher's frustration because I get treated with the same stubborn lying b.s. resistance, but "good luck getting him to act right or even own up to his b.s. and apologize to the teacher he burnt out (who has been very good to my SS during years of classes).
So for me, it's a countdown to this Summer having SS launch into whatever. He'z closed many doors already and it's clear he's thinking he can continue this way, but DH is fjrm on the requirements (which are also documented and posted in our home!).
If your DH will stick to
If your DH will stick to ousting SS you can have a lovely life. My DH is an extremely strong man who does not put up with crap. He took SS in after he got out of juvie (3 1/2 years for some unnamed horrid crime), but it only took a couple of years until DH booted his a$$.
DH NEVER asked me to let SS even spend a night in our home when he was homeless and on the streets. Even when we were gone for months and the condo was empty. DH knew his son and what a cluster eff that would have been. BM and her DH also knew better. But SS always found someone to mooch off of.
But most parents cannot face letting their child suffer the consequences of their actions.
Thank you. It's my prayer to
Thank you. It's my prayer to have SS17 try it on his style, ELSEWHERE, asap. I really don't know if he'll turn it around and start doing what he needs to do, suspect he'll resist and force DH to kick him out. We wrote out the rules for living here after high school: full-time college with part-time job, or be accepted into the military (SS not even trying on either of these) - otherwise go party elsewhere.
I really look forward to the day I'm not dreading SS's b.s. every time I come home or he comes home. I'm going to spend the money I'm no longer spending on him on vacations, a hot-tub, and guest-bedroom furniture. I'm not going to have to hear anyone lying to me or my DH's face, feel used, feel under constant scrutiny for weakness, etc. I look forward to not living in a constant state of trepidation about what new b.s. SS is gonna bring.
Until then, I am gonna continue trying to be kind to my SS because my resentment hurts him and my husband when I call SS out on things or make caustic comments. The ability and willingness my SS has to treat his dad the way BM treats people is especially disturbing, as is the likelihood SS will continue to that way. His disrespect of the awesome man that is his father makes it hard to have much respect for SS, and when he cons my DH my respect for DH is challenged. I've studied early childhood development and psychology in the past but having a stepson with a narcissistic manic-depressive rager of a BM has made me study this website, narcissism, manipulative & controlling tactics, drugs teenagers use, how teenagers cheat drug tests, parenting techniques, and how to win custody and child support. Not in that order though.
I really appreciate this website.
You need my dad's "Common
You need my dad's "Common Denominator" speech.
When I was going through my teen boy brain fart years it took my dad rubbing my nose in my own mess (figuratively). The speech was part of that process. He pointed out very directly that the common denominator to my issues was ... ME! And he and mom were tired of me not being accountable for the issues I was causing for myself.
Of course my mother cursed me to have "a child just like YOU!(me)" My wife blames my mother for our struggles with the SKid due to her curse.
So, we had some similar struggles with SS. The Rags clan curse of male head up their own butt-itis. So... we dusted off dad's Common Denominator speech. Tuned it for the specifics in play in SS's poor late teens decisioning and let it rip.
As my own parents did... we created a burning platform to get him to launch. It was a different burning platform but a burning platform none the less.
All in all the speech and the family treatment for teen boy brain farts has worked pretty well.
Good luck.
I definitely need something,
I definitely need something, not doing very well with detaching. Just keep getting mad about the bullshit! Telling DH about it is a huge mistake. I cannot even go into it... too upset & on my way to work.