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At Long Last...There's Light at the End of the Tunnel!

TwoOfUs's picture

So, while I was at work yesterday...apparently YSD came over and they worked out the visitation schedule together. I saw all the dates coming through on the calendar (phone alerts) while they were meeting and eventually had to turn it off so as not to look with each ding.

Anyway. We went out last night and DH mentions that YSD has decided 'not to continue visitation after she turns 18.'

DH mentioned it so nonchalantly that I thought I'd misheard. He pitched a fit when OSD quit coming after she turned 18...and SS came regularly for 4-5 months after turning 18 and then intermittently after that until he left for college...so I kind of assumed we'd be stuck with YSD visitation until August when she leaves for school rather than May.

I asked DH to clarify...and why YSD won't do visitation after 18.

He just replied: "Because those are just the rules. Visitation is over at 18. I'll be sure BM knows that the last CS check will be in May and not August."

(So...that annoyed me bc CS ends in May no matter what since YSD will be 18 and out of high school...but whatever. I was too excited about my good fortune to worry about it.)

I asked DH if he wanted to talk about it...he said no need. He said he's done what he could to be there and have a relationship with the kids...but they're more BM's kids and he's tired of fighting it. He's just going to enjoy being with them when theyre around and he's not going to push or guilt-trip or pursue them.

What a great 2018 this is going to be. 5 more months.

Comments

moving_on_again's picture

Yay! I think I am going to buy lottery tickets after all the good fortune today!

TwoOfUs's picture

Well, it's a little more complicated than that...it's not like they won't see each other. DH and the kids are all fairly close & we had a good Christmas for the most part. They come by to see him when they're in town...we see them when we're in their area (2 of the 3 are away at school). It's just that he's had a hard time letting them grow up and moving into a more adult relationship. I think watching his parents and their ongoing enmeshment in his sister's life...and the damage that's caused the entire family...has made him rethink things a bit. I think it's healthy the way he's thinking and interacting with his kids now.

TwoOfUs's picture

Well, OSD was a beeyotch about not coming over the instant she turned 18...and about everything else, too. DH fought it, wheedled, cajoled, manipulated, took her to dinners to 'talk' everything out, try to win her back...etc. He was brokenhearted, I was basically ecstatic bc I didn't have to walk on eggshells anymore when the little dark rain cloud came over for visitation.

Finally, he quit trying and reaching out. About 6 months later, she started to make overtures and wanting to see him...and they now have a fairly good relationship...three years later.

I think between that experience and watching how overboard his parents are with his sister...he's learned some valuable lessons. ALso, his relationship with YSD has always been good...no problems like with OSD. I'm just glad I won't have to watch him bowing down and trying to woo and appease another daughter... Beee