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SD16 bday party was a disaster

Tiger7's picture

We weren't there. SO was supposed to be there to help with decorations and bringing homemade cookies. BM provided the dough and cookie molds but the dough was no good. He told BM he would stop at the store to get cookies. "Thx for telling me 3 hours before party, not good enough, if you don't want to help, just don't come, etc" So, he didn't go. Called his daughter to explain that he didn't want to get into an argument with BM at her party and reminded her that we were throwing her a party at our house with family next weekend. She seemed ok with all that. BM booked a hotel room. Invitations were homemade and actually pretty cute. It said bring swimsuits and sleeping bags. It started at 4pm. A few hours later, BM sent SO 16 text msgs saying only 1 kid showed up. (I found out this morning that there were 4 altogether including SD & her cousin). How do you throw a party and not know how many people are coming? BM went on and on about how she spent $1500 on this party - LIE. A room would've been $200 at MOST at the hotel they were at. SO tried to reach out to SD yesterday but no response yet. He figures BM will somehow make this his fault....again. SMH

Comments

Acratopotes's picture

Nah let it go, let it go.... DH explained it to his daughter and she was okay with it, he should not press her any further, pretend it did not happen and focus on her party at your house

DH can save the messages and show SD if he wants to, saying this why I did not join your Mother at your party and well we are not married anymore, from now on we will do out own thing, no more joint parties.

ProbablyAlreadyInsane's picture

After SD4's disaster of a birthday and party, we killed joint parties, she's not invited or notified about the one we're having for SD8 this weekend. She has no interest in the Skids, she wants to take some responsibility and plan something, she's more than welcome. But she's not welcome to destroy yet another party.

Tiger7's picture

That's what my stance was from the beginning - you're divorced and don't get along. Why bother going to the one BM is giving? Its ok to do it separately. But he says SD asked him to come, so that's the only reason he considered it. I think he knows better now. He wanted me to go with him but I said no - don't want to be around BM. Plus, it would be just like her to say since we came to hers, she'd want to come to the one at our house. NOPE! We're kind of broke at the moment so our party for SD will be low key but family is coming - plus food, cupcakes, decorations, etc. I think she'll be happy.

Acratopotes's picture

WTH... I would ask him... your and BM are divorced right, SD know we are celebrating her bday as well... why the hell did you say yes when she asked to attend BM's party?

see these COD's asks and their idiotic parents says yes... thus the idea of I might get my parents back together again, DH should've told her straight out, NO SD I'm not coming to your bday party I will see you later

Tiger7's picture

I agree. For the past 2 years, I've been pointing out that he's parenting out of guilt and it needs to stop. He's gotten better but there's times he still can't say no. Guess he has to learn the hard way

witch.hazel's picture

I hate kids parties. I believe that only one kid showed up because I completely freaked out over my daughter's party this year. No one RSVP'd from her class until the day before, and I scrambled to get old friends and told them to bring siblings. We had 11 kids.

I would think that a 16 year old should have friends that she could confirm were coming. Is she kind of a loner or something?

The whole supplying your DH with cookie dough is weird. Maybe it was bad dough because she wanted him to bring nasty cookies!

And I don't see how her spending $1500 is his problem. That was quite stupid of her.

Our party this year was successful, but caused so much stress that I am NOT doing it again. People are really rude to not RSVP, do it at the last minute, not show up even though they said they would, or show up without an RSVP. Not worth the stress. She could have taken a couple select kids to an indoor water park or amusement park for way less that that.

Tiger7's picture

Agreed. I figured for a sweet 16 though, it was nice of her to go "all out" but that woman is a disaster herself. The daughter goes to a school for kids with special needs (ADHA, Asbergers, etc). His oldest daughter told me previously that this daughter doesn't have a lot of friends. Why BM didn't follow up on the RSVPs, I don't know. We've dropped SD off to other friends bday parties so I can't imagine she has NO friends. My unvoiced opinion is that maybe the other parents don't want their kids around BM. Her behavior is questionable - she's a loud mouth and over the top dramatic. I'm sure the school and other parents have experienced her at school events. Idk for sure tho - just speculating.
First - she absolutely did not spend $1500. She got a couple of hotel rooms (one for the girls and one for her & her boyfriend) and I was told they had pizza and cake. She's a habitual liar and just wants to pretend to SO like she's mother of the year.

Tiger7's picture

She gave him the dough cause she has to control everything. When she first brought up the subject of the party, he made it clear he wasn't giving any money since he was doing his own thing for her. So, telling him what to bring and to help decorate and take pics was her way of controlling what she wanted him to do. I stayed out of it.
According to BM, EVERY single thing that has gone wrong in her life is his fault.

Blue Moon's picture

Are you sure it was a disaster? Maybe your SD had fun with the friends who were there.

Either way it was not your problem or your DH's.

Tiger7's picture

You know what - I used that terminology after the way BM relayed it. My SIL said that her daughter told her it was sad and quiet at first but then the 4 girls ended up having fun. I'm glad about that.

JustAgirl42's picture

It's possible that some of the parents didn't want their kids going to an overnight party at a hotel...

DaizyDuke's picture

Right, no freaking way would I send my kid (10, 14, 16) to a hotel for an overnight birthday party unless I knew the parent. And I'm guessing BM didn't know any of these parents since she was whining about them not RSVPing.... and honestly, if people don't RSVP then isn't the assumption that they are NOT coming?

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Exactly what I was thinking. A pool party is one thing, but teenagers overnight in a hotel? No way. It wasn't that long ago that teenager died in a freezer.

Tiger7's picture

Yeah - I wouldn't do that either. But BM is more interested in being their friend than their parent. Apparently, according to SO's niece, BM and boyfriend had their own separate room down the hall - something like that. She swears she's mother of the year though

Tiger7's picture

I can understand that so either they told her that or didn't RSVP at all...don't know why just a few showing up would have been a surprise. The overnight party doesn't surprise me though - she's a "young" 16. Maturity level is like a 10 yr old

WTF...REALLY's picture

Poor kid, that is sad for her. Given that these children have special needs, I can’t imagine parents are willing to do sleepovers so quickly at hotel.

I really don’t understand why your husband agreed to press the dough into cookies.... and how was the dough bad? It had rotten?

Tiger7's picture

I don't understand why he agrees to anything because it always turns out bad. He says if his kids asks him specifically, then he tries. I get that but again, it always turns into an argument with BM. Not sure what happen to the dough. He's a really good cook and likes to bake a lot too - never has a problem. When he said it was bad, I just looked at it and said, oh that's too bad and went about my business.

Myss.Tique D'Off's picture

I am sorry your SD went through this. Birthday's are supposed to be special. Not ruined by BM.

If you dont mind me asking, at what kind of hotel do you hire a room at and then invite other people to bring sleeping bags? There are limits to the number of people in a hotel room. Too many people and they could be tossed out or asked to get another room/s so BM would complain about more spending.

Also, please dont take this the wrong way, but after being subjected to the "house guest" of my neighbour's who was a child with autism, you can be thankful no one showed up. (This child was stimming at high volume and screaming to the point it required police intervention for noise disturbance. He broke my windows FIVE times. I am not saying all autistic kids are like this but there could have been problems.)

Also if my child has special needs. I am not sure I would be comfortable with them being in the care of someone I dont know, loading up on birthday party snacks then staying over night. The over night would make me uneasy.

Seems you and DH have planned better for her celebration with you. Kudos to your DH for not putting himself in a situation where BM was looking for an argument. Side stepping that is displaying good judgement and wisdom!

Tiger7's picture

BM booked a room at the Marriott. I would bet she didn't tell them she planned to have a bunch of teenage girls there. Not sure what would've happened if more girls showed up but no doubt it would've been loud. I feel bad for SD too so I hope she had some fun. I never let my kids go to anyone's house or away with anyone unless I knew them. I made it a point to meet all the parents of the school kids they hung out with - all of my kids. Sometimes they got embarrassed cause I did it straight thru high school but guess what? They're all adults now and survived it.

BM was also going to let the OSD have her 18th bday party at a hotel this month with a bunch of her thuggish friends - but when SD first told us about it, she wanted SO to help pay for it. She wanted his money but for him not to be there. He said no thankfully. Its not happening anyway cause she's still in the psych ward.

strugglingSM's picture

Sounds like your BM needs to move on. First she wants your DH to help in the way she tells him to help. Then when he tells her "your cookie dough was bad, but I'll buy cookies", she tells him that if he can't help the way she wants, he's not welcome. Then she sends him 16 texts when things don't go her way.

Has he ever tried ignoring her? He's providing too much of an emotional outlet for her. If the kids are 16 and 18, seems like he has very minimal need to communicate with her at all.

She sounds like the BM in my life. I told DH that I did not have space in my life for her drama, so if he wanted to still be a part of her drama, he would not have space in my life, either. It's a work in progress, but things have definitely improved since he started ignoring her more. She still tries to put the kids in the middle of the conflict (by telling them, "your dad hates me and won't respond to my texts!"). She also tells him nothing and says that she doesn't tell him anything anymore because he does not respond to her texts (I've pointed out to him that her texts are never about anything useful or important, so she never really told him anything of use to him as a parent, ever). I figure that unless the kids are morons, when they are older, they will realize how crazy their mom is. That doesn't mean that they won't believe some things she's said about DH, but maybe when they're adults, they'll understand why he cut her off.

Tiger7's picture

Wait.....was your DH married to the same woman as my SO? Sure sounds like the same person. He went back to court to get custody modified and one huge win is that she can no longer block him from communicating directly with the kids (cause they are old enough!!) He does respond to her bs too much - he gets sucked in cause she'll start off with something he needs to know about the kids or do for the kids. Then it goes downhill from there. I suggested he ignore her like she ignores him at times - he's starting to do it more and more. The kids love their mom but also know what she's like - they have their own issues with her. OSD is currently in psych ward - BM created that monster - and when she is released, she doesn't want to go back to live with BM.

skatermom's picture

If BM gave my DH cookie dough to make cookies, I would take it out of his hand and place it in the garbage. That is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard of. My DH and I have had separate parties for years for our kids, never invited the ex's and never will

Tiger7's picture

LOL - I leave him to it. This past summer, we were taking the girls on vacation with us and our flight was super early in the am. We picked them up the night before so they could sleep at our house and BM gave us parfaits from McDonalds and a box of donuts. I threw them out mainly cause I don't trust her. First thought was, she's not poisoning me!