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CompletelyPuzzled's picture

DH and BM went to court last week. It lasted all day, as BM had several "character" witnesses. Also, she requested that SD13 talk to the judge so she could detail the abuse that she claims happened at our house. The judge did not allow that request, as it was determined in the original hearing that the abuse allegations were false. She did allow BM to tell about all the changes that she has made. Her social worker was also present.

The outcome was not what we were hoping. SD13 is going to continue living with BM in her house, but she has to continue going to a special school and getting therapy. BM is under a plan from CPS where they are in her house every week and meet with the kids. She is apparently following the plan and also has been granted visitation with her kids that are not DH's.

The biggest issue was how much contact she should be given with SD11. It was decided that the BM will be granted some visitation time with her. The judge agreed that the whole summer was not a viable option right now. She also wanted to limit BM's influence in our household so she put a limit on phone contact, as well.

BM is allowed to call SD11 three times a week for 10 minutes. She is also allowed to have her one week at Thanksgiving each year and one week at Christmas. In the summer, she is allowed to see SD11 for one week in June and one week in August. BM is responsible for all the travel costs. She is also allowed to visit SD for one week in our home state, as long as she gives us a month's notice and provides where she will be staying. She is not allowed to take her out of the state at any time except Christmas, Thanskgiving, and two weeks in the summer.

The judge also gave her a stern warning that she will yank this visitation if there are any problems. BM really tried to get out of this by claiming she has a myriad of health problems. She asked for child support for SD13, but that was refused since DH is paying for all of SD11's care and is covering all of SD13'S psychiatric care (which has been expensive).

I guess we will wait to see what impact this has on SD11. She had finally started to get back on track. She seemed nervous about talking to her mom, but I am sure she was excited. I just hope BM can keep it together. I don't want to watch SD11 go through this mess again. Hearing her cry herself to sleep at night was one of the hardest things I ever had to go through.

Comments

nengooseus's picture

At 11, if your SD doesn't want to speak with her mother, she doesn't have to. She has to deal with the phone calls, but she doesn't have to talk to her.

The visits suck. Does she have a therapist that she can talk to about it? If your SD starts to backslide, a (good) therapist could be your best way of getting the situation resolved quickly.

Acratopotes's picture

OH I was thinking of you .... good to get an update...

Now that phone calls, keep it on speaker phone to monitor, you do not have to say anything, and as soon as she starts bashing you or DH then you step in and say.. BM if you keep this up we will go back to court..... I would even record her to get this revoked.

Have a good talk to SD11, and say if she feels uncomfortable or anything she needs to talk to some one, I guess she's still in therapy?
She should not just take what BM tells her, she should ask question and come to DH before she makes up her mind

You are really in a tough spot with this crazy woman, and I'm always thinking of you

Willow2010's picture

Next to Ghost…your BM is probably one of the worst around. I cannot believe they gave that idiot visitation with the young one, after all she has done. Those poor kids.