He is making baby steps
My moms birthday was this weekend and we had a family bbq. All of my siblings and their families came. They have an incredible backyard with a huge deck, swimming pool and hot tub. I allowed Tom's kids to bring some friends with them so that they don't get bored which turned out great for the most part, they kept busy and were okay behaved. They didn't listen so much about the running and jumping in the pool area. When I fussed at them they said okay and stopped but then did it some more so I had to find Tom and have him handle it. My ds was doing it so I made him sit out for 5 minutes while Tom threatened to make his get out for the day. Besides that all the kids were polite and respectful.
At one point I looked around and it hit me that I was the only unmarried person there. I watched my mom talk to her friend how she loves this huge mess of people and she wouldn't change it for the world. It made me really sad and I had to go wipe my eyes. Tom saw me and followed me to the bathroom to check on me. When I told him that I want this, I want to be married and this huge mess of people to be mine he smiled at me and said that they are my people. That him, bs and his kids are my mess of people. I got a little mad and let him know that we aren't a family and that we can't even spend the night together as a family. He agreed and offered a compromise. He suggested we go camping together over Labor Day weekend and see how it feels. He says he loves me and wants to be with me but he is worried about his kids and their reactions.
Toma and I have been internet searching fools and found 3 campgrounds we like, 1 at the beach, 1 at the lake and 1 in the mountains. We asked the kids at dinner if they wanted to go camping and bs was thrilled and Tom's kids just looked at him. They asked him if we were all going and then they looked at each other and said sure. It wasn't a yea, lets go camping but an are you sure we need to head down this road sure. Tom just smiled and told the kids what we found and let them vote on where they want to camp. His kids wanted the lake and my son wanted the beach as did I. I've rarely been to the beach and they grew up going so the beach isn't as exciting to them.
Any advice on what to do and what not to do on this trip?
- Cutter's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
You want to be married and
You want to be married and enjoy the messy family times, I get it... but Hon.. Tom and his kids are not the guy for you
Don't get married because of what you want... don't get married to the first guy who pops the question and clearly put his kids above you..... rather leave it and find some one who's not ashamed being at your side, who will not care what his family or Ex wife says, who will put you first. You are wasting valuable years on Tom
He isn't the first guy
He isn't the first guy though. I've had offers before, 2 proposals but I knew it wouldn't work out but with, Tom, I know it will. I've never felt this way about anyone before and if tom keeps making baby steps I can show him. First step is our camping weekend and then maybe we can try over nights to get his kids used to us.
It's not going to work out
It's not going to work out because he isn't looking for the same type of relationship you're looking for.
Either this is fake or you are living I LaLa Land.
Perhaps this is the flip side of the expert's saga.
What about her love for her
What about her love for her child?
The kid shouldn't have to live with this simply because mommy fell in love with a jerk
Tom isn't a jerk. He is
Tom isn't a jerk. He is willing to make baby steps and i know he wants to be with me. He just has to consider his kids.
How in the world did that
How in the world did that happen? :? :? I thought I posted that on another blog.
By all means keep pushing him
By all means keep pushing him to forsake the promise that he made his dead wife and see how it ends for you. Pretty certain it won't be happily ever after.
I'm not pushing I am just
I'm not pushing I am just letting him know what I want. I'm not waiting 5 years for a chance, we either start moving forward now or I am going to suffer a broken heart and move on. I don't want that because I believe he is my soul mate and I love him more than I have ever loved anyone before ( not including my kid), but I can't just sit and watch while life passes me by. That isn't fair to me.
It's been seven months and
It's been seven months and their are multiple children involved. You need to simmer down. Your posts read like teen romance.
I am all over pintrist with
I am all over pintrist with ideas and activities for the kids. Why wouldn't you drink the camp water? It comes form the spicket.
*pinterest *spigot 7th grader
*pinterest
*spigot
7th grader
7th grader? I won't call you
7th grader? I won't call you a name because I was raised better. I'll just say, Bless your heart.
Survey says, https://www4.uwm.edu/FLL/linguistics/dialect/staticmaps/q_41.html
When you go to a new location
When you go to a new location on vacation or camping you should not drink the water. You do not know if the water is safe to drink. Is the water source tested regularly for bacteria, etc. so unless you want to end up in the outhouse the whole trip then bring drinking water even for teeth brushing. Wine or Beer is safe to drink while camping!
Tom suggested this camping trip. Let him do all the heavy lifting on the food shopping and campfire cooking. Just make sure you bring something for you and your son in case Tom fails to be the camp guru.
Do you even like camping? Are you only going along because he suggested it? Will you still be in separate tents? Him with his kids and you with yours? If you cannot even stay over together in a house...what makes the great outdoors an ok place to shack up in front of the kids?
There will be lots of other campers around...so not very private for family bonding.
Activities...s'mores. Hiking...more s'mores. Whatever other activities the campground offers. Hopefully a pool. Maybe a zip line thru the trees. Scary stories by the fire. Shadow puppets by flashlight against the tent wall. Sleeping under the stars.
Be sure to make it enjoyable for your kid.
If you survive a camping trip with your humor intact...maybe there is a chance for this relationship once day. Who knows.
The next test will be a cross country trip by automobile!
You may get what you
You may get what you want...but it may come with the steep price of never really knowing for sure if he did it for love or because he was bullied into it...
There is no reason to call me
There is no reason to call me a troll. If you don't like my post then stay off of it. Problem solved.
I say to you again... it
I say to you again... it sounds like he is determined to keep the promise to his deceased wife. It is also possible that Tom is using this as an excuse to keep your relationship from moving too fast. And moving too fast is exactly what YOU are trying to do.
What is so wrong with Tom wanting to take baby steps and go slowly?? IMO, that's ADMIRABLE of him to NOT rush in. You both have children. This relationship affects the lives of your and Tom's children; not just you and Tom.
Why are you in such a rush to get married??? You have been together 7 MONTHS. That is a very short period of time for someone your age.
OK, you're not troll. The
OK, you're not troll. The only other explanation is that you are living in LaLa Land.
The man already told you what the deal is. Instead of listening and respecting his honesty, you set out on a mission to show him that he's wrong.
If you do manage to break him, don't be surprised when his kids and the rest of his family gives you absolute hell
On a mission, to be sure. OP
On a mission, to be sure.
OP doesn't care that Tom made a promise to his deceased wife.
OP doesn't care that Tom is not ready to get married.
OP doesn't care that Tom has children who are not ready for a new stepmom.
OP doesn't care about anything other than what she wants. Period. Dot.
OP is on a mission to get married and what everyone else wants, be damned.
It's never a good idea to
It's never a good idea to pressure a man to commit. He might follow along but it will not a happy relationship/marriage. You shouldn't stoop that low that you had to pursue a man to tie a knot or be with you. It's never a good idea in a long run plus desperate woman just isn't cute. He'll always remember that you chased him. Don't