I need some advice
Eight months ago I began dating a wonderful woman Angie, a mother of a five year old boy named Jason. From day one, I have done everything in my power to be a strong male role model for Jason and have absolutely bonded with him in every way imaginable. He loves me just as much as I love him and the quality time we share is priceless.
Just to give a bit of a backdrop...Angie was just coming out of a seven year relationship with Jason's father Tom, which ended because Angie and Tom were fighting too much and just not moving forward. Angie told me that Jason and his father always had a pretty strong father-son relationship when they were together, but the day Angie and Tom split up he basically turned into the definition of a deadbeat dad. In the past eight months he only came to see his son on an average of twice per month, and has not paid even the minimum amount of state mandated child support. I am writing this on the day that Angie is going to court to have the judge set child support and schedule for parenting time between Tom and Jason. And that is where I am so conflicted. On Jason's visits to Tom's house, the environment is not at all the way it should be between a father and son. It's bad enough that Tom does not financially support his son properly, but he is just not an involved and dedicated parent in the way that I feel that I am and in the way that Angie is. When Jason is with me and Angie, he is happy and content and progressing on all levels that a young child should. When he returns from Tom's house, he is lethargic and sad and just not his normal self. He cries when he has to go visit there, and he wakes up several times during the middle of the night when he comes home.
The way I have been raising Jason has been so positive and emotionally stimulating to his well-being and development, and he just does not get that from Tom or his family (they are very cold and uninvolved). I encourage healthy eating in the home and only feed him homemade, home-cooked meals and have made it a point to eliminate unhealthy snacks from our house (Tom only feeds his son fast food and junk food). Jason and I take daily walks where he gets excellent exercise (he sits in the house and watches Tom play video games when he visits there). We go on "playdates," where I encourage Jason to make friends and help him in becoming socially involved with other children. I take him to the library and read books to him. I have arranged for a private tutor to prepare him for kindergarten. I have gotten Jason on a regular sleeping schedule where he goes to bed without any fuss whatsoever each evening when his bedtime arrives, and does not wake up during the night at all (except, as I said, when he returns home from his visits with Tom). In addition to the above, I give Jason as much love as I possibly can give along with my parents who treat him like their own grandson. Tom's mother will not even allow herself to be publicly called "Grandma." Although Jason isn't physically abused in Tom's care, he is not cared for properly and his emotional well-being is compromised at the very least. What's occurring on his visits are detrimental to his immediate (and long-term) growth.
I am just at my wits end and worry all the time when he is visiting with Tom, and I know things are only going to get worse once this child support and parenting schedule is set in place. Angie was the one who realized months ago that Tom's deadbeat dad behavior was inexcusable and was prepared to have Tom forfeit his rights as Jason's father. I was, and still am, fully prepared to legally become Jason's father. But now Angie has done a complete 360, and doesn't feel it's best to have Tom fully out of the picture at this time. She is holding out some fantasy that he all of a sudden is now going to become a model father. I feel Jason is young enough now where he will forget about Tom and the boy loves me so much that I will certainly be able to fill that role forever. I'm already filling that role now, and I'm very hurt that Angie has changed her tune and is not pushing for Tom to terminate his parental rights. With a court-mandated joint custody arrangement between Angie and Tom, my voice will now become the third voice (if it is heard at all) and I will have no legal rights in any decision making even if I marry Angie (which I am planning to do). It seems like everything now is going to just go up in the air. All the negatives that will result in a joint custody arrangement between Tom and Angie far outweigh any possible father-son bond that Angie is hoping occurs between Jason and Tom. But there is no convincing Angie of this.
I'm only looking out for the best interests of Jason here and I love him and Angie so much that I'm so torn and worked up about all this. Am I wrong? What do I do at this point?