Controlling doctor access.
SO's son has to return to the doctor in 2 weeks which means it's during SO's summer visitation. I had to take the phone to keep SO from going ballistic and texting all sorts of not nice things. What it comes down to is BM will not tell SO who the child's main doctor is and where.
She is refusing to let him set the appointment and at first tried to say she would just take the boy during the 2 days she gets him during the break which is 5 weeks from now.
SO said no and that if she doesn't give him the information he will be seeing a doctor here. Her response was "you don't even know what's going on". That's because she won't tell him and the doctors office she went to gave minimal information also.
So now she is saying she will make the appointment and SO can take him. The office she wants to use is an hour away which is understandable if SO can set it on his day off. He also wants me avaible so I can keep the daughter while he is in with son.
So since she is set on making an appointment and won't give him the information he will be calling tomorrow to make one here in town. She can make the appointment but M will not be going to it.
Yes he could wait till he has the information and date then call to change it but since she is so set on controlling this he is putting his foot down. Knowimg her she will also delay telling him. The child will see a doctor just not one that will require an hour drive there and an hour drive back.
All of this communication went through their parenting app which he will be giving to his lawyer.
My job was to keep him calm as she attempted to piss him off so many different ways.
Oh ontop of this she decided to get the 7 year old a phone without communicating with SO at all. SO let her know that the child will not have the phone while she is at his home. That the child can and has always been able to use his phone and he has never rejected a call from BM while the kids are here. There was no need for the 7 year old to have a phone. He has always asked if the kids would like to call mom before bed and the daughter has flat out said no while son ignores him.
- Dontfeedthetrolls's blog
- Log in or register to post comments
Comments
Thank you. The plan is that
Thank you. The plan is that if she tries to send the phone with the daughter it will be turned off and put up the whole time she is here.
SO will be taking son first because he is suppose to go back in 2 weeks. If she takes him it will be 5 weeks. SO will let her know the appointment has been set once we have the kids Monday. That will give her plunty of time to cancel the second appointment of she does go through making one.
What looks great is she is so against giving him the information so he can take him to the normal doctor that she was willing to go against the doctor orders and wait an extra 3 weeks just so she can control when the appointment is made. She tried saying that SO doesn't know what's going on but neither does the son's normal doctor since they had to go to a walk on clinic. SO has that info so he can sign medical release so the doctor up here will have the record of the accident.
Who cares if BM got the SD a
Who cares if BM got the SD a phone *shrugs*....she can buy the kid a pony if she wants. What Dad can control is the usage of it in his home. Period. If the phone arrives, he just takes it and puts it up. He gets it down if she will be using it to contact during calling time. If he prefers she can use the usual phone they normally use. It's no biggie.
Dad really is going to have to get use to the idea that he has the kids EOWE and 6 weeks in the summer. All those other days are in BM's home and BM's watch. She is not going to inform him, let alone discuss beforehand when she buys something for the kids. She doesn't have to. Does a seven year old need a phone. Probably not, but that's ok. Dad controls it's usage in his home. Nothing to fight over.
Dad might also stop the unnecessary back and forth with BM. She's egging him on and he's buying into it. Look to see exactly what it says in the CO about medical and if and when inform, billing statements ect must be shared and how. The credit card receipt would not do for me, I'd want a real services performed statement.
You said Dad has a lawyer. Ok , if after looking at the CO it indicates their have 50/50 legal custody and BM is to consult and share medical info, drs, insurance blah blah blah, have his lawyer send a letter to BM highlighting this section to BM. It's basically a 'I'm watching you and you're bordering on contempt', just a bit more official looking coming from lawyer than SO squealing via the phone app.
Dad wants dr info. However being BM has the kids the huge majority of the time, it does make sense she uses a ped. in her area. Kid should be seeing his usual dr. Emergencies in your area are fine but for check ups and follow ups, it should be his regular dr. Yes, it's an hour. But that's not BM's problem, it's Dad who moved an hour out.
The dr who saw SS at the walk-in this weekend will be electronically submitting the details of the visit to SS's regular dr.
I simply vented about the
I simply vented about the phone. Yes he already has a plan in place. Of course he's gonna have to deal with her backlash when daughter doesn't get to use it here but that's that.
Lawyer is on vacation or else he would habe already been contacted. She is trying to control when he takes the kid to the appointment which is not right. She won't tell him what happen though he does have all legal rights to know. He is willing to use the normal doctor but she won't let him make the appointment and the child will be in his care when it needs to happen so he should be the one making the appointment.
She needs to learn he has legal rights to the children too and she can't control his time with them.
Again this isn't him refusing to use the normal doctor it's her refusing to tell him who it is so he can make the appointment. She wants to make it then tell him when it is. Why if he is responsible for taking the son should she be making the appointment.
And to keep from letting him make the appointment with the correct doctor she is willing to ignore the follow up orders of 2 weeks and take him 5 weeks later.
So to make sure the son gets follow up care he will make an appointment with a doctor here. I don't see how he's in the wrong?
That's why a 'I' watching
That's why a 'I' watching you' letter from the lawyer politely reminding her of the CO and Dad's role might jar her into nudging her down a few pegs. Dad's a butthead she can jerk around (in her opinion), but a formal friendly reminder from Dad's lawyer is not as easily ignored.
She might also blow off a lawyer's friendly FYI letter, but then sooner or later Dad will have to file motion against her.
He doesn't need BM to tell
He doesn't need BM to tell him who the doctor is in order to make the appointment. Assuming the kid has insurance and dad has a copy of the card or at least the information, he can call the insurance company and they will give him the doctor's name, address and phone number.
Both parents are playing games. BM is doing to bug the hell out of dad. Dad is doing it to build a case against mom.
Will insurance tell him the
Will insurance tell him the most commonly used doctor? I know they will tell if a doctor is covered or not? Will they tell him since he is not on the insurance. It's under mom's name and covers the kids? He has the card for them but I don't know how all that works. It's her account not his.
When my ex was dealing with a
When my ex was dealing with a similar situation, I watched him go back and forth with BM because she refused to give him the doctor's information. He needed to have medical forms filled out in order for the girls to attend summer camp.
BM got her panties in a knot because I found picked the camp they would attend while they were with us. She was also angry because I said they were going to day camp instead of hanging around the house with me.
After wwtching the freak show for a bit I told him to do the leg work himself. He called the number on the back of the card, gave them all the info they requested and they gave him the doctor's information. The whole process took less than 10 minutes.
He only has an image of the
He only has an image of the card but I'm sure we can find the number. I'll let him know when he gets home in the morning he should try that. I honestly didn't it was a possibility.
No advice but my sympathies.
No advice but my sympathies. All I can say is document, document, document. BM will hang herself and look like a fool to a judge. Be patient (trust me, I know how tough it is!) BM will show her ass soon enough.
The lawyer will be getting
The lawyer will be getting copies of the message as soon as he's back from his vacation.
She knows how to provoke him but he will talk with me and I'll give advice on how to respond so that his messages are calm and to the point while her's are very attacking.
She attacked his parenting today and with my advice he wrote that he would "not be discussing the past. She could either give him the information he needed or he would be making the appointment up here."
She still refused with much more than a simple no so my advice which he followed was to tell her that since she did not want to give him the information he needed to be able to take his son to his normal doctor the discussion was done and he would be seeing a doctor in 2 weeks up here.
I know I'm going to get told that that's over stepping my bounds but when my partner has asked me for help I do it. While she tries to work him up I keep him in the moment and focused on the topic. I help him pull away when it's done and not let her drag him down.
I remind him that she is trying to get a reaction out of him and by not giving it to her she gets more worked up which he can give to his lawyer.
I hope that make since. I don't directly talk to her. I don't stock her page. I try to ignore her. But when she messages him I help him get through it without him turning into an ass.
We have been talking about
We have been talking about the kids seeing a therapist while they are with us this summer because of the son's aggression and daughters anxiety. BM claims no one will take the insurance but also just doesn't understand why they would need to see anyome.
Umm maybe because his 4 year old has gotten worse in preschool to the point of bulling, biting, kicking, and lieing and it doesn't seem like it's getting any better from the biweekly reports he gets from the teacher.
Daughter will break into tears if she makes a mistake during story time even though she has received nothing but positive and constructive feed back while she is here. "You're doing really good. That's a really hard word. Good job" and not fake praise.
I also had to tell her last weekend she wouldn't get in trouble for telling us that her brother was hitting her. We were at a friends and all the kids were playing together and the friends son came and told us that M had been hitting his sister for like 5 minutes. After putting M in time out I asked A why she didn't tell us. No answer.
I feel like at mom's she just has to deal with it. No I don't have proof and no she didn't say that and I wouldn't ask her. I told her no one has the right to hit her like that and she will never get in trouble for telling us if M is being mean like that.
I got my first real hug from her for that discussion. Like she's given me tiny side hugs and I don't push it at all. It's her body her and I want her to know that and she just bear hugged me.
I get frustrated because he is really trying to be an active father but she will do things to keep him out of the loop. He can't call every place every day.
People give alot of heat for him moving but they don't understand the reasoning behind it. Ontop of everything else she almost cost him his job there because she started to just drop the kids at his door. When he said he had work "too bad don't care" and she'd be gone. He was afaird to call the cops because he lived in a one bedroom and worked nights. Where would the kids go?
We share an apartment now and he makes much better pay with better hours. The distance has toned down the direct hostility he had to deal with. There's no her showing up at his house demanding the kids or calls to his work yelling at him. There's no accidental run ins at the store. There's no feeling like he's being spied on by all her friends.
It comes at a cost but it's been worth it for the peace it's brought. Yeah there might have been other ways but he did what he felt was best and what he understood he could do.
Sorry that's off topic just got distracted.
And if there are no court
And if there are no court orders because they are still married? They started the divorce process at the end of last year. She attempted from the start to claim he was an unsafe parent and shouldn't have legal rights but made no effort to change vistation. Never tired to stop the kids from staying weekends with him though which really speaks volumes as to how unsafe she feels he is.
She had to change lawyers when she wouldn't work with hers. We were able to send evidence of her participation on adult websites including fully nude photos. We have also since then supplied her lawyer with evidence where she admits to having abused my SO though at the time he never contacted the cops for fear. We answered questions concerning our personal adult relationship and her first lawyer dropped her.
She has delayed and been petty every step of the way which is costing her but also creates a struggle for him. She will dealy responding to his lawyer for weeks. If she asks my SO something and doesn't like the answer she goes through the lawyers and has flat out lied.
Legally they both still have full access to the children. They are still married and going through the divorce and custody agreement so he has no paper work to show.
She does seem to be finally ready to settle but his lawyer is now on vacation for a few weeks so we are now at a stand still.
The paperwork stands that they will share legal custody, he has visitation, and will pay Child support according to the state's charts. That paperwork through is sitting in emails between the lawyers and has not been filed.
By petty she went through the lawyers to demand he return the children's coats which we did not have and had already informed her of that. She has also thrown a fit over me buying the children clothing and not letting her take it home with them.
This is just one more way she can pick at him and attempt to control him and make him out to be a bad father. If he can't get the information easily tomorrow the child will see a doctor here. End of the dicsussion. She had her chance to tell him and is refusing. It is documented in the app and will be kept for the future along with everything else.
The phone is a nonissue except that I wanted to vent. He has made it clear that the phone will not be used in his home. It is to stay with mom and if it does come it will be turned off and put away. End of discussion. I brought it up because it bothers me that she is using it as a way of invading our home and it will cause some strain between him and his daughter. Mommy gets her a nice new phone now daddy is the mean man who won't let her have it. Yes I understand she is in her rights to get the daughter one and he is in his rights to say nope not gonna be in my house.