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18 Year Old SS - Husband once again making excuses for him with employment this summer

sandra1's picture

This is it man. I've had it up to and beyond my highest limits of irritation.
EVERY. SINGLE. SUMMER, I have inquired about SS getting a job since he was 16.
Dad always said around May, 'yeah, yeah. He's going to work'. Then did he?

NO!!!!

THIS summer, he will be 18 and so far same old shit. 'Yeah, yeah. He's going to work.'

I told my husband last TODAY, IF he is NOT working, that's it. I'm done. I can't deal with SS bumming around the house, doing nothing, and the disrespect from my husband lying and coasting through once again with his BS words.

I'd much rather my DH say, 'Nope, he's not going to work because he's lazy and entitled and I don't feel like making him get off his ass.' vs. this lip service I keep getting.

tankh21's picture

Yeah I wouldn't be allowing any 18 year old to bum around my house at 18. They are an adult and old enough to get a job. DH and I discussed this already and we both agree that if the skids decide to come live with us at any time they will either be working to contribute or going to college.

sandra1's picture

Sit back and enjoy....right....

The long and short of it is that he NEEDS to work not just because I want him to, but he is working on his license. We cannot afford to pay for his car insurance, gas, etc. etc. (His mom "gave" him a car).

This is going to affect the household if he doesn't get a move on. And THAT is not cool.

ESMOD's picture

Not really... your household pays for NOTHING. If he doesn't earn the money.. car sits uninsured and undriven. Mommy can pay if she wants.

sandra1's picture

Sit back and enjoy....right....

The long and short of it is that he NEEDS to work not just because I want him to, but he is working on his license. We cannot afford to pay for his car insurance, gas, etc. etc. (His mom "gave" him a car).

This is going to affect the household if he doesn't get a move on. And THAT is not cool.

Just J's picture

Able bodied adults should work. So what if technically his sitting on his ass all day isn't bothering anyone? There's no reason other than laziness for this ADULT to not work. He'll never launch if he doesn't get a start in the working world. His dad is doing him no favors not making him work, he will be way behind in experience and will be in his 20s still not working or working some crap job in fast food. I actually can't believe that you think it's ok for an adult to not have a job just because he's lazy and dad is too lazy to make him. That's utterly insane.

tankh21's picture

I sure wouldn't want an 18 year old hanging around my house doing nothing, eating all my food and not cleaning up their mess. They need to contribute or go stay with BM.

Rags's picture

From our experience with my SS when he was 17-18.... Here is what you do. Have the house locks rekeyed and don't give SS-18 a key. Work hours are from 08:00 to 17:00 and he will not be in the house at all for any reason during those hours M-F. No food, no water, no house access.

He either gets a job or he figures out the work hours for himself.

We did a modified version of this when SS-stb25 turned 18. He graduated when he was 17 3mos before his 18th B-day. We gave him the summer until his B-day on our dime but at 18 he was either in college (on our dime) or had a job. He refused to do either so we did not give him a house key when we purchased a new home and we gave him an ever increasing chore list. If he failed to complete a days chores he was left on the front step when his mom and I left for work the next AM. It did not matter if it was hot, cold, raining, etc... we left him there as we drove off to work. It only took twice being left on the front step for the day to realize that he lived in the family home at our convenience and if he wanted to continue to have access to the home he had to deliver on his responsibilities to himself, the family, and the home.

We purposely made this an untenable situation for him long term to create a burning platform that would force him to launch. When food, water, and shelter is not a given the 18-ish/yo young man starts to think and reason. When there is no internet access of cable TV to distract them from their chores their quality of life gets unpleasant in a hurry. We shut all of that off every morning when we left for work. It took 4mos as our beck and call house boy for SS to take positive action in figuring out his plan for moving forward. After 4mos he enlisted in the USAF on the delayed entry program until a slot opened up for his chosen field (not really his choice. His top 2% ASVAB and score distribution vectored him to a specific profession and the USAF did not give him a lot of choice). He remained our live in chore bitch for 4 more months until he reported for basic.

Since then he has done very well. He recently finished his first 6year enlistment and re-enlisted for 4 more with the intent of making the USAF his first long term career and completing at least 20 years. They have kept him nearly continuously in school and he is progressing towards his BS in Computer Science.

The calendar may say that they are adults at 18 but few actually are. My bride and I committed to raising him to viable adulthood whether we wanted that or not.

So far it appears to have worked fairly well.

Good luck and light that platform on fire. Turn up the heat!

Rags's picture

Thanks. It was not due to some initial grand plan. We did what we thought was best for him and for the family and we adjusted as things unfolded if our original tactics were not effective.

IMHO the basics work universally. Standards and Rules with consequences for failure to comply.

Lather, rinse, adjust, repeat....

CLove's picture

Winona SD18, when she was 17 (last year), she actually got a job at the mall from her ROTC class in HS, at a candy store. It lasted 2 weeks, after about 4 half-days. I feel your pain, and in my situation, Winona takes care of grandma who is 95, so she gets a sort-of-free pass.

I desperately want her to get a full time job during the summer, and take her classes. Get her out of the house, out of her room, get her independent and not always asking to go with us and asking for money!

She has never had to really work for anything, and I am getting resentful because at her age, I had been working grueling jobs, cleaning bathrooms and then come home to help with housework.

Tina22's picture

Wow! That's a great plan! Wish I read this over the summer when my lazy sso did nothing but play video games,eat and take hour long showers allsummer!