Warwick's picture

What power do I have in this situation?

DP has 50/50 residency of his DD.

DP changed his DDs school in January due to no longer being able to afford private school fees (an occupation order stripped him of his home). After changing his daughter's school to a very good state school the court ordered that he must collect his daughter from school every day (3.15pm) and deliver her to her mother at 5.30pm as her mother does not drive (the school is a 20min bus ride away from her). This was said to be a temporary order to be reassessed in a court hearing in April.

The court hearing was today and the judge has decided that nothing will change. So essentially, we have SD every single day and cannot ever plan a weekday together as a couple. (We have her every other weekend too).

I am 22 weeks pregnant and was looking forward to our final months together as a couple before having a newborn. This has been well and truly shat on.

DP doesn't seem to care; I feel as though I am just a vessel to him - that he's not actually interested in the relationship. I just don't know what to do. What CAN I do? Or do I just have to lye back and accept it like a good incubator.

anotherstep2's picture

Are you financially dependent

Are you financially dependent on him?

DirtyDiane's picture

Why doesn't the BM

Why doesn't the BM drive?

Must be nice to have a court ordered personal chauffeur...that is crazy.

Acratopotes's picture

it's 50/50 thus SD is there

it's 50/50 thus SD is there every second week-end... why can't you do something on the week-end SD is not there?
Weekdays is not for playing, and well he drops her of at 5:30 why only then? Private school would've been out normal time... why this change and why did DP not object about it?

If your DP already feels like this, putting SD ahead of you, I do not see a happy future for you.

Blended family life turned me into a pirate....
All I want to do is drink Rum and stab people

Echo's picture

I came back to edit my

I came back to edit my response: You need help. Your poor baby. Figure out how birth control works and start actually USING it.

If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse.

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
Mohandas Gandhi

SuperJew's picture

You have odd things to say

You have odd things to say about yourself. Have you considered therapy?

"u ashole u think ur new condo is so great..." -Medusa via WOB

babybugged's picture

That's what happens when you

That's what happens when you have 50/50 of a child and live 20 minutes apart. What kind of job does your husband have that he can leave work every day at 3:20? Are there no school bus systems where you live?

Babybugged

twoviewpoints's picture

You have two bio children of

You have two bio children of your own already , so what did you plan on doing with these two that aren't SD. What are the plans for these other two while you and your DP spend the last part of you're pregnancy together as a couple only before the newborn arrives?

It silly to think a man with a child who has his daughter part time (50/50) and a lady already with two bio-children part time would think they were going to get all this couple alone time.

January 23, 2017 post :

"I also have 2 bio children that I see part time, so am curious how disengagement would work in this context. "

As to the school pick-up, it's your Dp who changed her school and who selected the new one. Knowing BM does not drive. Obviously the court feels DP can now transport his child. Not unreasonable. How did the child get back and forth and who kept child from after-school until 5:30 while attending her private school?

sanecatlady's picture

I don't understand how an

I don't understand how an occupation order makes it to where he can't afford private school?

So he only has her 2 hours? It's not that bad, really. If you are at work would you notice? Does he work? Would he have to leave early to get her or does he expect you to?

https://www.steptalk.org/node/235438

Oh geez.... after reading the above, I guess he doesn't parent.

Echo's picture

Aw, cheese and crackers !

Aw, cheese and crackers ! That's HER ? OP, you deserve what you've so willingly signed up for. Enjoy the screwed up life you so desperately want. And you're bringing a BABY into this swirling vortex of shit? Congratulations on screwing up your own baby. You must be so proud.

If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse.

Nobody can hurt me without my permission.
Mohandas Gandhi

Ghost Flower's picture

I went back and read your

I went back and read your earlier post from January.
Abortion and keeping the baby are not the only options, there are desperate childless couples lined up for miles
who would love to adopt your baby if you don't feel right bringing another child into this. Knowing Disney Dads as I do, this one ain't changing, because it would mean growing a pair. People are capable of tremendous change, but the pain of changing has to be less than the pain of staying the same for them to do it.

"I really think the witch in Hansel and Gretel was just misunderstood. She builds her dream house, and then these kids come along and start eating it!" ~ Miranda, "Sex and the City"

sueu2's picture

I honestly don't get why you

I honestly don't get why you are talking A-N-Y-thing about "together as a couple" or "having a newborn."

Girl, you need some serious psycho analyzing.

sueu2's picture

And just for the record, the

And just for the record, the schedule is still 50/50 custody, and there's nothing unfair about him having to bear the cost of his decision to change her school.

Goodluck's picture

Warwick, what do you think

Warwick, what do you think would be the best arrangement?

Alone time for parents is rare.

If you want alone time is it best to not have kids and most defiantly do not date a man with kids.

The second type of triangulation is a cross-generational coalition in which one parent forms a coalition with the child against the other parent. This is the type of triangulation involved in the pathology traditionally called “parental alienation”.

Snowflake's picture

You get every other weekend

You get every other weekend free. Consider yourself lucky, because after the baby you will be getting no free weekends.

Stop being nice and embrace your inner bitch. Own it and empower yourself.

Goodluck's picture

What snowflake said. ^^^^^^

What snowflake said. ^^^^^^

The second type of triangulation is a cross-generational coalition in which one parent forms a coalition with the child against the other parent. This is the type of triangulation involved in the pathology traditionally called “parental alienation”.