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Holidays coming and so it begins................

cmwolfe1264's picture

Back story. OSD who was living with new baby, baby Daddy and her 3 children from first marriage are moving from their tiny apartment to a house they are renting. She says it is their house but they did not buy it they are renting from a friend who bought it to specifically rent to them. I am glad to hear they are finally moving into a house so that her older kids, 16, 15 and 13 will have more room to live and not have to share a room with each other.

As soon as I heard they finally were moving I thought great wonder how long it will be before OSD insists that everyone must come to her house for the holidays. Turns out she already did last week. An email went out to her siblings that she was hosting both Thanksgiving and Christmas this year. No sure if DH was included in the email as he didn't mention it and won't since he knows I won't go anywhere near the SDs after their latest drama fests this summer.

Of course, the interesting fact is that we have not gotten together for Thanksgiving in many, many years and have never all gotten together for Christmas. The SSs and their families have spent both Thanksgiving and Christmas Eve with us at our house and have gone to church together. A few times we have all met at SSs house for Thanksgiving. We usually do Christmas Eve so that the grandkids can be at home to wake up to see what Santa has brought them. The last few years we have gone to visit each of the boys and their families later in the day on Christmas Day as they live 10 and 20 minutes away from us.

The girls have only been at our house maybe 1-2 times in the past 4 years. They have always been invited to parties at our house but don't show and don't bother to tell their Dad they are not coming. They are always invited to their nieces and nephews birthday parties but don't show up for those either by texting the day of party oops something just came up! But of course when they plan parties for their kids and noone shows up then we are the disgusting ungrateful pieces of garbage for not coming. We have always gone but I have re-disengaged from SDs because of their crappy behavior for their Father's birthday and their baby brother's 30 birthday party this summer.

Anyway, it will be interesting to see what panes out for the holiday with this new demand that they will be spending the holidays at her house. DH and I already decided to spend Thanksgiving at our home with or without company. I'm sure we will have the boys over for Christmas Eve again since we all go to church afterwards. So I suspect nothing will be different. Perhaps the girls will convince the boys to get together but it won't be on the actual holiday. They have done that before but did not invite their Dad. I've been told that the girls tell the boys all the time that they need to forgive their Mom for all of her faults but the girls don't bother to forgive their Dad and treat him like garbage.

I have always loved the holidays and try to keep that alive but it has been hard having such nasty SDs in my life. I too have always had the battle of being fair in buying presents for all the grandkids whether we are allowed to be their grandparents. I stopped that several years ago. There was no point in buying a gift for a child that I wouldn't know if I would even see to give it to. One year I had several gifts bought and wrapped for grandson who was 1 that year. When SD and her family stopped by on their way to drop off other son at his Dad's house she only let grandson open one gift and then she wouldn't take the rest with her. She said oh he can unwrap them when we are all together, knowing full well we wouldn't all be together because she wouldn't come. That was the last time I worried about getting something for all 10 grandkids equally.

ETexasMom's picture

LOL yep sounds like my MSD. Last year she decided she was having a "family" Christmas dinner with my children and me not being invited. DH declined the invite. I'm waiting to see what this year holds.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Steplife has caused me to dread and despise Thanksgiving and Christmas. All the machinations, manipulation, and hidden agendas, all the efforts wasted on unappreciative people make me want to just check out in mid-November and stay gone until January.

Exjuliemccoy's picture

Right? It's outrageously rude behavior, care of the top of the scum from the bottom of the barrel.

Rags's picture

We either do the holidays in our home with the two/three of us (if the kid has leave) and a small group of invited guests or .... we go to my parents for a Rags clan gathering (my parents, their spawn, and grandspawn, and the occassional straggler). In 22 years we have only done the holidays with my ILs 3 times. Twice for Christmas and once for Thanksgiving. Most recently was Christmas of 2016.

Since I am the Sparent in our blended family and my SS-24 (now adopted by me) is the only Kid/Skid in our marital picture the only issue is when we will spend the holidays with my ILs. When my bride wants to ... we go. She rarely wants to.

We will never, ever, under any circumstance spend the holidays with my Skid's SpermClan. Happily... he would never want us to. The CO gave my DW every Christmas day and on alternating years the SpermClan had either the day after school was out until the 24th or the 26th until the day school started. The SpermClan belongs to a fringe Christian cult/church that does not celebrate Christmas so the Judge gave it to my bride. Interestingly as the SpermIdiot added additional out of wedlock spawn by yet another baby mamma suddenly the SpermClan wanted Christmas. Nope, we never let that happen.

sandye21's picture

Your days of being punished by the 'other' family are over, thank goodness. But your DH is choosing to participate in a family tradition which is destructive to his marriage with you and his relationship with your children.

There is an interesting article: http://www.simplypsychology.org/cognitive-dissonance.html. For 20+ years I endured SD's abusive behavior because DH was more comfortable with disregarding my rights than to raise the ire of SD. When presented with an alternative, which had the potential of consequences which would threaten DH's comforts more than SD's anger, DH chose to take another look at the situation.

It is human nature to justify a behavior or a situation that is clearly wrong rather than facing possible anger and rejection of people who give us the misconception of having more power than others. The double standard, "SD doesn't want to take her husband away from his family" is blatant. I sincerely hope that your DH decides to be more fair about how he spends his future holidays - before he loses the respect of his family.

Rags's picture

I think that it is far past time for you and DH to form your own holiday traditions with your the children you have togehter. The adult SDs can participate... or not.

If MIL chooses to participate in your family holiday events then great. If not... that is just as great.

Enjoy your own holiday season in your own home with your own children and let the adult Skids ply their toxic crap in their own space.

Good luck and don't sweat their crap. Of course... DH needs to know that he needs to be in your home with you and your joint kids.

IMHO of course.