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Does it ever get better?

Survivor227's picture

I have posted on here a couple of times, been called stupid or accused of putting a man over my kids. I waited 19 years to remarry, my kids are way older than in most cases of those that choose to remarry with kids, so I have always put them first. I married a man that I thought was a good man. He was completely distraught in his job and I gave him a way out. It was with the understanding that I would financially support the family and he would take care of the kids and the home. We live with his parents and I buy 90% of the food, pay our part of the bills and have paid half of the house insurance, will pay half of the property taxes, etc. So we are freeloading. The chicken farm was built with 90% of my money, I bought 70% of the chickens with my father in law buying 20% and my husband 10%. IT has evolved into me buying 95% of the feed for ALL of these birds. My husband took it upon himself to bring into the mix a female turkey for his son(who does not really do much of anything) to entice him to " be a good boy". Then his daughter who craps on him at every turn, has a boyfriend now turned baby daddy that has the same mentality of this 15 year old and he's been coming over just about every night for the past two months and guess who has been feeding him. "He's gonna keep my son on the straight and narrow" well guess what, he didn't. Now his 19 year old daughter, who worked very hard at getting herself knocked up by just mentioned baby daddy is coming over every day, sleeping all day long, she's too sick to work because she is pregnant. She couldn't go to work before she was pregnant because something always hurt on her. So she does nothing and gets to eat my food for dinner, the only thing my husband has made her do is get food stamps and WIC. Then allows her to bring her food over and put her name on it and stick it in the fridge. Not that she has to replace anything she eats or help supply food to the entire household or even chip in food for dinner. She doesn't help prepare meals nor does she help do dishes afterwards. So here I am busting my ass working and having no other income and I am feeling used and resentful. I gave this child a place to live while paying for her to live there, bought her a bed, bought her clothes, bought her shoes, jewelry for prom and spent hours dong her makeup and hair, She just craps all over me, and my husband tells me I have to let it go. She doesn't call him for his birthday or even get him something to drink when he's sick, while staying all day at our home when she has a place of her own to live. I can't stand this girl. I am feeling so much animosity it's unreal.

My kids are made to wash the dishes EVERY night, when something isn't done EXACTLY as it should be they get yelled at, they get banned from internet, they are good kids. They have A's and B's don't miss school unless they are on death's door. They have not been a 5% of disrespectful to my husband as his kids have been towards me. My kids walk around here feeling that they are about to be yelled at for passing gas, while seeing just exactly that his son can forget to feed the chickens and nobody says a word. His son is always trying to cause problems with my 17 year old, even though she stays clear of him and doesn't engage in conversation with him, he is always trying to start something. I gave her to go ahead to just tear him a new one verbally. I m tired of him harassing her and her walking away only to have really nasty stuff said to her.

Since he isn't working he's changed, and now Im changing too because I am over it. Sick of the unequality.

Survivor227's picture

Their father walked away, I've been the only parent. Yes, I have thought about leaving. I just feel it's wrong to divorce instead of making the needed changes to save the marriage. But I do realize that he needs to get back into the work force and contribute.

Survivor227's picture

21, does not live with us. Is married with my grandbaby. 18 full time college student, lives with us. I push my kids to get their education. 17 and junior in high school, 14, and twins are 11. No they don't have the same dad. I didn't put up with anybody's crap since my divorce and thought I was too hard. So I changed myself to be more understanding and flexible, now I'm a doormat.

Disneyfan's picture

Where are you children father's? If you want to live with the chicken man, why not have your kids go live with their dads?

And please do not say ALL of the fathers are MIA. How many fathers are there?

Survivor227's picture

Yes they are ALL MIA. Hence why I became the utter bitch. Makes me think that I wasn't off my mark after all.

Disneyfan's picture

You really need to walook away from this mess and get your children into a home of their own that is a safe, nurturing place for them.

Once that is done, you need to work on you. You have to find out why you keep picking loser men.

Survivor227's picture

See, he wasn't like this until he quit his job and we got married. He drinks more now and uses manipulation to try to keep himself from finding a job. If he was like this in June, I'd have said NO WAY in hell

Disneyfan's picture

"the only thing my husband has made her do is get food stamps and WIC"

Great, not only is he using you, now he's teaching his daughter to use tax hard working Americans. :sick:

You are making the choice to stay with this loser. Unfortunately, your kids have to pay the price for your poor choices. You have the power to fix this, but you are making the choice to stay in that house of horrorschool.

I really feel sorry for your children. They should not have to suffer simply because you refuse to toss your useless husband back into the gutter.

Survivor227's picture

I don't refuse to toss him, just feel biblically that it's wrong to divorce for non violent/ cheating reasons. But I can't and won't allow my kids to be singled out. That's why I'm asking for advice. Hoping someone has a vision, but I know that the resolution lies in me.

Disneyfan's picture

I must be nuts, because I think protecting your children from mental and emotional abuse is a valid reason to walk away.

Your husband is hurting your children.

Survivor227's picture

No, you are correct and I have put my foot down to it. I am not a forgiving person readily, so I hold on to these acts. But my kids still feel anxious because they are not trusting him either.

Survivor227's picture

Oh trust me, I think she needs to get off her lazy butt and get a job. I can't make her, but I also don't think I should feed her either