Need Advice-Is this just me or do others feel this way?
So BF is non-custodial parent and has the type of job where he is pretty much on-call. No real schedule, it makes planning anything impossible. He has SS14 when he is off and SS wants to come over. We have had him a lot this summer (more than BM). SS is not a bad kid but he is an only kid, only nephew and only grandson on BM's side and a result of in vitro so he is spoiled and used to being the center of attention. His biggest thing is he constantly needs to be entertained. When he is at our house there is no opportunity to have any alone time except for sleeping with BF. Not even sharing a cup of coffee together. Its all about SS and spending every minute with him and entertaining him. I get that BF needs to spend time alone with his son and don't stand in the way of that. They have spent almost all summer fishing together sometimes twice a day. My problem is it feels like when SS is there I'm put on the shelf like a toy and then when SS goes back to BM's I'm supposed to stop whatever I'm doing and pay attention to BF because then he has time for me. Has anyone else felt like this and what did you do about it?
If your BF can't give you any
If your BF can't give you any attention when he has his son, he should not be in a relationship.
You deserve better than to be on the back burner. Yes, he needs to spend time with his son and I'm sure he feels like the time he's with him is not enough but if he can't find a balance, he needs to be single.
My DH NEVER ignored me when he had his daughter. Not when we first started dating and not anytime after that (been together 20 years).
Stop putting your plans aside just because he doesn't have his son and has time for you. Live your life. You might find that YOU don't have time for HIM.
I get this with my husband
I get this with my husband and SS12. The problem is we went from 50/50 custody to having him 100% of the time. On my husband's birthday, he made plans with just SS rather than include me and our kids! It's insane. I'm so ready to kick my DH and his best friend aka SS out of my house. You better fight for time now, because if BM ever kicks SS out and he moves in with you, it's goodbye BF.
What does your BF say when
What does your BF say when you bring this up to him?
There are zero reasons why you can't be included in some of their activities.
There are zero reasons why BF and his son can't have some one-on-one time.
There IS a problem with a 14 year old child who needs an adult to provide his entertainment. Even if you live away from his friends, most kids that age are spending time with their friends on the computer or x-box if not in person.
If you have already talked to him about your feelings and nothing has changed, then this is how your life will be. Even if he launches at 18 or 19, your BF will place priority on his son when he needs something, when he calls in the middle of the movies, when he needs money to pay his bills, when he sends a text during couple time...
Thanks everyone you've given
Thanks everyone you've given me a lot to think about. I have gone with them and fished or just hung out. The problem is that this is ALL SS wants to do, every weekend, every day, twice a day, because he is going to be the next best bass fisherman and make a lot of money and be on t.v. (sarcarsm) but BF believes his son is better than any other child. Right now, I'm going to cultivate another hobby or spend the time with friends and disengage while I think about what I want to do long term. Thanks again for all your well-reasoned thoughts, sometimes its hard to see what's right in front of your face.