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Some happy news - we're pregnant!

Caitlin's picture

Yes, we'll be welcoming a new addition to the family this July! So Skye22, if you've been wondering why I've been so interested in your pregnancy, it's because I was trying to work out a way to introduce this idea to BM and to SD11 as well. I wanted to learn from your experience.

I've known for a week, but waited until Friday to tell my fiance in person because he works far away and has been staying with friends during the workweek to avoid the 2-hour commute. I waited until SD and BD1 were tucked in bed until I was absolutely bursting with the news. We giggled like little kids for hours, all giddy and excited about becoming parents again. My initial instincts were to wait and tell SD after the first trimester, just to have a bit of peace from BM, but then I just couldn't imagine keeping that secret for 2 more months, let alone just 2 days that weekend. We were so happy! We wanted to share that happiness with SD!

So we told her over breakfast on Saturday. As a matter of fact, on her last visit she had shared a dream with us in which I had a huge pregnant belly. So her dad brought up the dream again and said "you knew something no one else did at the time!" How's that for being psychic? Well, SD was so shocked that she didn't even believe us at first. Once she was over the initial shock, she was just as excited as us, maybe more! I think she came over and touched my belly a hundred times over the weekend. She wanted to look at all my old pregnancy books to see what the baby looks like now and next month and the month after that... She's totally thrilled, telling her baby sister every 5 minutes that she's going to be a big sister.

We had so much fun over the weekend, but it was clouded by SD's question: "who's going to tell my mom?" At first, she said she wanted to, but then she wanted us to do it because she thought her mom wouldn't take it well. My fiance sent her an email with the news and when I was driving SD back to her mom's (fiance stayed with BD1 who was napping - he doesn't drive) she asked if her mom knew yet. I told her about the email and she had a slight freak-out: "what if she didn't check her email?!" So I told her that she could go inside and I would tell her mother so she wouldn't have to worry.

I took BM aside and asked if she had checked her email that day and did she receive an important message from fiance. She said "I've been online all day and I've received no messages from him." So I said "Ok, well I'm glad I took you aside, because we're expecting our second child together this summer and SD wants you to know." From the look of shock horror on her face, I almost believe her that she didn't receive the email, but then again, she always lies about this kind of thing. It's a control thing.

So all was quiet until 2:00 this afternoon when she emailed fiance saying that SD had a very important social engagement this evening and that she'd rather do that than have their regularly-scheduled weekly dinner. She "generously" offered a pre-birthday / Thanksgiving lunch from 1:30-4:30 tomorrow (Wednesday) which is so typical of her because she knows fiance works 9-5. Naturally, he had to decline. Then she said he could have 8:30-11:00am on Thursday (his birthday and Thanksgiving Day) for a birthday breakfast, knowing full well that we are going out of state for Thanksgiving. But she blames HIM for not working with her on the scheduling and tells SD that Daddy places more importance on his OTHER family and doesn't value her.

So she is already trying to punish fiance for having another child by taking SD away from him. Can anyone say vindictive?

Comments

skye22's picture

Well first of all CONGRATS!!! Your due in July? Thats great!! Our storues are identical! Our birth children our even almost the same age. My son is 15 months and I am currently 10 weeks pregnant with second. We can help eachother thru pregnancy Smile I am due June 22nd! SO are you hoping for a boy this time?
As far as sd mom, just ignore her. I know its hard but what choice do they give us. All that we can do is show the stepchildren while they are with us that they are imporatant and loved. My ss mom has started her crap too. She cancel this weekends visit at the last minute. Interesting becasue this is the first visit since she was informed of the new baby. Whatever... I hate to say it but I have to focus on my son and the upcoming arrival of our new baby. I feel bad for my stepson. He has to put up with her bullshit on a daily basis. I DON'T. I refuse to allow her to make my pregnancy miserable. And if she decides to seek her revenge thru her own flesh and blood, there is not much we can do about it but make his visits with us special. Good luck!!!

Nise's picture

CONGRATS CAITLIN! I hope that you and skye22 are contagious!! *virtually rubbing your bellies*

Make a GREAT Day!

Caitlin's picture

We're so happy and excited that BM jerking us around is not going to bring us down. We refuse! We fully expect that she'll try to punish us, so we're mentally prepared. I just choose to feel sorry for her and her pathetic existence. For some reason, that helps.

Anyway, I'm due July 19th (I'm 6 weeks along) and SD said I need to cross my legs on the 13th so her new sibling won't come early and steal her birthday! How cute! We're all convinced it'll be another girl, for no other reason than a gut feeling in all of us. It'll be "easier" with another girl, because a) we have tons of lovely hardly-worn baby girl clothes, and b) I'd prefer to have the little ones share a room and keep the third bedroom for SD. Even though she's only there every other weekend, her room is sacred to her and it would be hard for her to share it with a toddler during her teen years (which aren't that far away!!) That said, I'd love to have one of each, so I'll be happy either way!

Skye22, when is your son's birthday by the way? My daughter was born August 20th. Sounds like they're pretty close in age.

Sending prego vibes to Nise... Smile

skye22's picture

My sons birthday is August 4th. He was due August 23rd but decided to make his grand entrance early Smile
We were sort of not sure what to do about bedrooms but now I think that we figured it out. We have three rooms in our house. My husband and I share one (of course), my son has his own and my stepson has his own. At first we thought that if we had a girl we would put my stepson and bioson in same room, and give the girl her own room. And if we had another buy we would have new baby and my bioson together. But now we have changed our minds. Either way, boy or girl we are going to put our two children together in the same room. They are close together in age, only 22 months apart and we feel like we have a few years before the gender thing will really be an issue. We have been quoting having our basement finished for a while, so as long as we get that done at least by the time my 1 year old son is 3 or 4 it should be okay. My stepson is so much older than the other two and I just feel like he needs his own space. I mean I have a hard enough time keeping my little guy away from his stuff. Putting them in the same room would be impossible. Plus my stepson is an olny child 90 % of the time and it might be difficult for him to all of a sudden have no personal space at our house. What does everyone think about this?

I'm sending prego vibes to nise too!!!! If you get pregnant in Novemeber you will have an August baby Smile

Caitlin's picture

November 16 LMP right? Coincidentally, I found out on November 16 that I was pregnant this time around, so it's a good date for me! How cool is that, that we had the same due date?

I am totally with you on the bedrooms thing. You're right, you can put the little ones together for the first few years if it's boy/girl. That's probably what we'll do too and by the time they get to an age that it's a problem, SD will be off to college anyway! At that point, she'll probably only be coming to see us every few months - if we're lucky. She wants to go to college several states away (she's only 11 and she/BM have already decided where she's going - can someone say living vicariously?) and I'm SURE her BM will not let her out of her sight on her breaks from school. We don't get any holidays with her now, so we probably won't get them then either. But I digress!

Anyway, we're all pretty certain we're having another girl, so it's a non-issue. (Watch, we'll all be in for a big surprise now...)

skye22's picture

I have no clue what we are having and I don't even want to guess! With my son i 'just knew' it was a girl Smile I started buying all kinds of girls stuff. I was in utter shock when we found out it was a boy. So this time..... Don't want to do that again! My hubby is really really hoping for a girl. Since he already has two boys. We have our 5 month ultrasound on February 1st. I wasn't planning on finding out the sex but my hubby is dead set on knowing early, so I've agreed. I am a little scared that if its another boy he may be disappointed. I know he will love it no matter what, he is an incredible father. But still... I want to make him happy. SO I am praying that I can give him his daughter. What about you? Does your hubby want a boy since he already has two girls?

Caitlin's picture

My fiance totally digs little girls and would love to have another one. You always think a father wants a son, but every time we see crazy little boys running around being rough and hyperactive, he lets out a content sigh saying "I'm glad I do girls." (As a matter of fact he has three. He has an older daughter in England who he only gets to see every couple of years, given the geographical challenge. I've never even met her, neither has SD, we've only spoken to her on the phone.)

So anyway, he's pretty certain it'll be girl #4 for him. But like you said - you "just knew" you were having a girl and we all know what happened there...

I wouldn't worry about your hubby being disappointed. He will be over it in about 2 seconds if it's another boy. But I WILL put out a prayer that you'll give him that little girl he's been dreaming about!

skye22's picture

Thanks for the prayer!!! I'll put in a request for another little girl for your family too Smile are you going to find out early what the gender is?

Caitlin's picture

We are so impatient. We could never wait until the day of the birth to find out - I have so much respect for people who can do that! I'm just bursting to know!

We like to know early because then for 5 months before the baby is even born, he or she has a name, clothes, decorations, etc. We like to know so we can anticipate the arrival of "him" or "her" - instead of "it."

Oh and thanks for the special request - may we both have pink little bundles this summer!

skye22's picture

YAYA!!! That put a huge smile on my face. I really think that it will be good for our bio kids to grow up with a sibling that lives in the house all the time, don't you! My son gets so happy when stepson comes to visit. He has someone to play with! I'm sure our little ones will really enjoy being big brother/sisters!

Caitlin's picture

I always wanted to have kids 2 years apart, so 23 months is right on target! I'm so excited that my daughter will be a big sister and have a FULL-TIME sibling, so I couldn't agree with you more.

You say how happy your son gets when SS comes to visit. On the flip side - is he sad when he leaves? My daughter is not herself for days after SD leaves. I play her a recording of SD singing her favorite song to her and that cheers her up, but I can tell she really misses her bad!

sweetthing's picture

I am so excited for you. I hope it is contagious!!! We are trying again ( I had ectopic in April)& did our first month on fertility drugs. We will know by Monday if it worked or if we need to do another round.

Don't let anyone take away this joy from you. It is truly a miracle. I used to think it was so easy to have a baby until I wanted to get pregnant myself. Thank goodness I seem to be an exception or the worlds population would drop.

Again I am really thrilled for you. I too would want to know so you can plan. I just am not a big surprise kind of gal... I'm a gotta know girl. Smile

Caitlin's picture

Wow, sweetthing, I'm sorry to hear about your ectopic pregnancy. I really take it for granted that my fiance and I were able to conceive without any trouble. So I will send some of my uber-fertility your way! You'll be in my thoughts on Monday.

Nise's picture

It looks like this is definitely becoming the place to “hang out” if you want to keep Aunt Flow away for a little while! Make a GREAT Day!

skye22's picture

sweetthing, I had a difficult time myself getting pregnant, both times Smile I had long irregular cycles. Turns out I have pcos and becasue of that I wasn't even able to ovulate on my own. With my son we tried for 18 months with no luck. My doctor perscribed clomid. I got pregnant within two months of starting the pills. After I had my son we decided to try again immediatly since it took so long the first time (we wanted them close together) Another 14 months no luck. Back on clomid. I got pregnant this time the same month I started the pills. Its very inexpensive appro $30.00 a month, I highly recommend this medication!!! Research it online, it could help you Wink I will pray that you are blessed with a happy healthy baby very soon!!!! Good luck Smile

sweetthing's picture

If I didn't get pregnant this month ( which they are doubleing my dose..ewwe. They make me physically ill w/in 1/2 hr of taking them. It's hard because I feel like I am absolutely going to die if I can't have a baby of my own. Don't get me wrong my ss's are awesome, but bottom line I am not their mom.

Kind of funny but youngest ss ( 6) wants a baby really bad. He talks about it all the time & has even offered to share his room. Oldest(9) has been rather non commital The other day DH saw a writting assignment where he wrote that he wanted a baby brother. It makes me happy that this is something they both want, but at the same time it adds to my pressure. Somedays I feel like I am defective & that I am going to end up dissapointing all of us.

On the bright side I know I am more at peace because I am finally able to be happy for other expectant mothers. Are you going to find out the baby's sex?

skye22's picture

No, I don't see him sad when my stepson leaves, just really excited when he comes.
That is so sad! I'm sure that just breaks your heart! I would just try your best to make the coming and going a positive thing. Let her know that sd will be back very soon. I think we just always keep it upbeat when stepson leaves. I think my son picks up on the vibe Smile

Caitlin's picture

That's for sure. If I'm ever in the slightest funk, my daughter picks up on it and it certainly feeds into her fussiness and we're one big vicious crabby cycle!

When it comes to SD leaving though, my daughter happily waves bye-bye and all is well, usually until Monday morning. When she wakes up in the morning and SD isn't there, she is inconsolable. I finally figured it out one morning when she was fighting me getting her dressed, very fussy through breakfast, just generally not her usual happy self, until SD's picture caught her eye and she squealed in delight, saying her name over and over again. So now, kissing the picture and hearing her voice on the recording usually does the trick. Hopefully that'll continue to work, but I have a feeling it won't be long until she's only satisfied with "the real thing".

Candice's picture

Congratulations!!! I love babies, and love to see families happy over having another child! They are truly a precious gift! This is really some wonderful holiday news!

Bests,
Candice

Caitlin's picture

I can't wait to break the news to the whole family tomorrow! We have a Thanksgiving tradition where everyone at the table takes a turn sharing what they are thankful for, so I can't wait until my turn so I can say how thankful I am for the second child that we'll be bringing into the world in July.

We shared the news of my first pregnancy at Christmas 2 years ago, so it's becoming a holiday tradition for us!

Candice's picture

since you have done this before, I bet they will be expecting it! That is so cool! I hope you get to go last on sharing the thanks...I bet your family will be jumping out of their seats b/c of the news!

Candice

Caitlin's picture

I'll have to go last because that's just way too tough an act to follow! You hit the nail on the head - they'll be jumping out of their seats!

Caitlin's picture

So, I thought a nice way to include SD since she couldn't be with us on Thanksgiving would be to make a video of her saying what she was thankful for and playing it for the family at dinner. I asked if she'd like to break the news of her new sibling and she totally went for it. So we made a little video and she said "I'm thankful for my family, and all the love they give me, especially the new family member coming in July because CAITLIN'S PREGNANT! YAY!" (and many more squeals of delight)

After playing it 3 times for my family, and having them just continue to sit there smiling and nodding and saying "how nice", I finally had to tell them myself because I couldn't bear it any longer! They're so hard of hearing, all of them! Sigh. It's the thought that counts.

Of course, everyone was overjoyed once they understood what was being said! We really do have a lot to be thankful for!

skye22's picture

that was a great idea!!!!! I bet that made your sd feel so special!!! You are such a beautiful person Smile

Caitlin's picture

I just love her so much and want her to be happy and feel a part of this family. I'm so lucky that we have such a great relationship. It really makes it easy.

Now dealing with her mother on the other hand... ugh!

badkitty721's picture

Congratulations! I am so jealous! I have been ready for a baby for over a year. Fiance is insistant that we wait a little longer. He wants to start trying next Summer.. It is so hard to keep waiting..

happy's picture

As I told another prego one.. congrats and only wish you all the happiest pregnancies..

It must be this site..
LOL..
Best wishes to all of you that are pregnant..
Happy

Caitlin's picture

I know, it's contagious around here!

I'm so excited to have another little one. I'm really trying to focus on that, rather than getting sucked into BM's vindictive behavior. Her jealousy over our first was bad, and now with the second she's at it at full force again.