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When does the EOW finish?

SunnySkies's picture

SO currently has SD13 and SS15 (nearly 16) EOW (Fri/Sat/Sun nights) and one night in the week.

I was wondering when this arrangement finishes? Does it peter out of its own accord, or when the child hits 16 or 18, or when they finish basic education? Who instigates it - the child or one of the parents?

Would be interested to hear of your experiences - and I bet they will all be different!

Kes's picture

Your guess is as good as mine. My SDs are 16 and nearly 18 and the 18 year old shows absolutely no sign of stopping coming EOW - she will probably still be doing it in her 30s, the way her Dad spoils her and acts the Disney Dad every time they set their entitled little feet in our house.

SOme folks get lucky and their SKIDs decide for themselves their social life with their peers holds more allure than a w/end with dad, but some of us draw the short straw - the SKIDs are not over endowed in the friend dept, mainly because they are selfish little drama queens, who prefer BM and DH making a big fuss over little princess. Their peers of course, don't put up with this nonsense, and don't have money to shower on them as their bio parents do.
I have said to my DH several times that I am NOT willing to keep doing EOW for ever - I am in my mid 50s now, and want a bit of life before I die, rather than second place to a couple of spoiled brats. Sorry to sound bitter, probably because I am. Sad

smithsgirl's picture

I don't think it legally ends, it just becomes less frequent the visits when they start getting girlfriends / boyfriends, more of a social life etc.... Partners son is 17 and still comes at the weekend, including a Tuesday evening. But, if he has a party or a friend round he'll stay at his mums as it's easier because he has his own room their whereas he sleeps on the couch at ours. Partner has 3 other kids younger so suppose SS17 just follows suit.

hereiam's picture

I got lucky and my SD stopped coming over when she was about 15/16. If they do not stop on their own or go away to college, I suppose you could stop it when child support ends. Not to say they still won't visit but full weekends would seem a bit much at that point.

RedWingsFan's picture

^^^^Same here. SD14 basically stopped coming over, DH and BM tried forcing her back in October, that failed miserably and now she's back at BM's full time. Oh well, better for us!

I'm hoping she STAYS there permanently. He already said that if she continued the visits, he'd stop them pretty much after she graduated high school, if she hadn't already.

starfish's picture

i often wonder this same thing myself. sd15.5 & ss12.5 also fall into the category so well said by Kes "the SKIDs are not over endowed in the friend dept".

not only do i see co visitation never stopping, i fear the little brats will try to add more time and ew.... keeps me awake at night sometimes.

looking forward to many repsonses on this one. especially any suggestions to deter more visits.

Kes's picture

I have decided that if the EOW does not cease when I consider reasonable, I am going to be more and more unwelcoming to the SKIDs, but if anyone has further suggestions I would be very grateful.

Shaman29's picture

I would assume it would end after 18 and when they graduate from HS.

DH's kid has a pretty active social life and there are times when he goes a month without an EOWE visit. However he will drive out (nearly 3 hour round trip) to take her to lunch or dinner so he can spend some time with her. She's also looking for a job, so with school, social life and work.......I seriously doubt she'll be around much this summer and throughout her senior year in HS.

I will make the suggestion he talk to her after HS regarding any visits to our home. That she will need to call ahead and be aware we have a life. He doesn't want to make her feel unwelcome, but he doesn't want her just dropping by the house either.

We are also planning to move to a smaller place after she graduates from HS, which means she won't have a place to sleep any longer anyway.

Over_that_tude's picture

I am holding on to hope that when or if this kid ever gets friends that she will want to hang out with them some weekends. My DD12 is going off with friends or sleeping over with friends at least 1 or 2 weekends of the month. DH actuall got pissy because it seemed EOW when SD was here, my DD wanted to leave to enjoy herself. He asked why was it she always seemed to be gone with the girl came. I had to tell him that not unlike I, no one wants to be around her smugness. No one wants to be around her ignoring everyone except her dad and quite frankly, I told him, she isn't come to see us anyway, she is coming to visit him and him only. Her actions have made that quite clear.

I am trying's picture

My DH said this too about SD...only 5 more years to go!! However, I have serious doubts. Is he really going to tell her that she can't come over any more, even if she wants to? Also, if she gets over her fear of "being shot on the city bus" then SD will probably start showing up at our place more and more as she becomes more independent from her mom. She acts like her mom "keeps her away from her dad" for the 2 weeks in between visits and without the restriction of her parents having to be her transportation, she's bound to see it as now she's free to come running into daddy's open arms any time she feels like it. God help me if she starts driving...

SunnySkies's picture

Thanks for your responses so far. SD has quite a packed social life but of course she is SO's little princess so he can't be detached from her for longer than a couple of days. SS is very bright but doesn't seem to have many friends - he's happy doing 'stuff' with SO. I think they are both still going to be quite clingy and that they will all find it difficult to let go. It would be good if they could at least release one of the weekend nights..... hmm, good luck with that one Sunny Skies!

stina1119L's picture

I don't like feeling used by 'kids' who want to pretend they are adults, but mentally are still kids. 1 of my SS kind of stopped coming around after he graduated HS. He turned 18 6 months earlier and he really only came around as a 'stop' in his social life to eat a free, already prepared meal, and take a shower, or ask for gas money. After we stopped letting him in to use us, he stopped coming around. 16 1/2 yo SS shows no signs of stopping, DH shows no signs of him wanting to stop, so I guess it's ongoing until he's ready also.
Their BM cooks, cleans, does their laundry and lets them play video games, drink soda and do nothing at her house, guess there is more appeal there than our house. Fine with me!

jumanji's picture

My two stopped going on their ordered visitation at ~16 & 14. Dad's choice. They're 21 and (almost) 19 now. Older one talks to his Dad a couple of times a year, but hasn't seen him in nearly two years. Youngest? Hasn't talked to him in 4 years.

MarriedaBallessWonder's picture

my 19 y/o SS still comes EOW when he is on break from college, ie, Christmas, summer, etc. He has his own room here still. His younger spoiled, lazy fat assed 16 y/o brother Stepshit still follows the eow at all times.

My DH are planning to move to Hawaii in 2 years when fat, lazy asshole Stephit enters college.

Woooo hoooooo! I try to keep it a secret because youngest, fat, lazy ass will do anything possible to keep his Daddy here to coddle him and do every thing for him.

I don't know how I'm going to manage hanging in there 2 more LOOOOONG hell-filled years.

I'm moving for health reasons and I don't want his kids to think they can come have extended visits. By then 12 years of them will have been ENOUGH!

When the child support stops and can see BM trying to make every little thing our problem. I hate that bitch.