Worst Valentine's Day Ever
SO and I had a bit of a chat last night about how I feel about the skids being here (again), and we got upset (again.). This morning was a bit weird as we did the lovey-dovey valentine bit but there was the elephant in the room. We had a row in town this afternoon - not important really, but it set the scene for this evening. I did a meal at home which was a bit stilted, then we had THE conversation. The upshot is that SO has decided to move out as we are both unhappy. I'm broken hearted and don't know what to do now. I don't have kids and find it very difficult having his teenage kids staying here EOW and one night in the week. They're not bad kids, just typical teenagers but they annoy the hell out of me. SD15 is a bit of a princess and and is lazy which does my noodle in. SO lets her get away with it. He is however the love of my life and I can't imagine anyone else "getting" me the way he does. I really thought he was the one. I don't know how to make it better. If he does really go I'mm not sure how I will cope with this. We've been together for 10 years, but only lived together for one but so sad it has deteriorated to such an extent. 
I'm so sorry, ten years is a
I'm so sorry, ten years is a long time.
Do you think maybe you could stay together but live apart? Then you could live together again after the kids are gone for college or out on their own...
Thanks, ditzy, feeling the
Thanks, ditzy, feeling the hugs.
JustAGirl, the reason he moved in was because he wasn't happy with us living apart, and he has already said that it won't go back to the way it was and that when he moves out that is that. It suited me more than him to live apart, if I'm honest. I wanted to wait until the kids had flown the nest but he didn't. We've probably only got a couple of years of them, but I'm really unhappy when they're here and don't think I can put up with that for even that short a time. Maybe I'm cutting off my nose to spite my face.
Oh, I'm sorry. That's a real
Oh, I'm sorry. That's a real tough spot to be in...wish I had some good advice to offer!
I am sorry. I know you are
I am sorry. I know you are upset and feel broken hearted. Maybe its not as bad as you think. Let him leave. Maybe you will be able to have separate homes but still continue your relationship and work on improving it. Just a thought.
Sometimes 'the one' really
Sometimes 'the one' really isn't. He comes with baggage you cannot deal with. And despite you not wanting the kids there he wanted to live together. So you let him move in with his kids. Who you don't want there.
Let things settle out. He may find you are too good to lose. But if he calls it quits, let him go. I am sorry. So very sorry
I can't remember who it is
I can't remember who it is but someone on here lives in a duplex with their SO so that they can live together when the kids aren't there but then she has her own space to retreat to when the kids come over that they can't go into. Perhaps something similar could be good for you two? If the issues really are just around you finding the kids annoying then giving yourself a private space you can relax in away from them could help you to keep in better spirits when they visit. Some creative thinking and a commitment from both of you to try something different to make your relationship work could save it.
I suspect though that there is more to your proposed break up than a couple of annoying teenagers in your home a few days a month?
I missed where she said she's
I missed where she said she's pregnant.
Was this in a different post?
Some more *hugs* here for
Some more *hugs* here for you. So sorry you are going through this...
*hugs Sunny* Sunny, this is
*hugs Sunny*
Sunny, this is for the best, and in the long run you will be happier. Do NOT beat yourself up for not wanting to be with the kids - they are NOT your kids and you do NOT have to love/want to be with them the way he does, and there is NOTHING wrong with that.
My relationship with my DH went to hell when we moved in together too. We have his skids EVERY weekend, and I loathe it.
Let him move out - and don't believe the "if I go, that's it!" bit.
And let me ask you something else . . do you REALLY think that his kids are going to move out at 18? It sounds like daddy is an enabler, as you said that SD is a princess and "SO lets her get away with it". What do you really think your future would have been, had you kept things as they were? I bet you would have seen kids in their 20's still living with you rent free while SO continued to pay for their phones, car insurance, etc.
You can't spend your life being miserable. No one is worth that. YOU yourself and your happiness is what is most important.
Thank you all for your
Thank you all for your comments and support. Just for the record, I didn't once say to him that he shouldn't see his kids or that they should come round less, it was more how we had to deal with the situation we were in.
Well, we talked some more on the Sunday and have agreed to give it another go. I said that he needs to set more ground rules for the skids, ie, helping to wash up, being responsible for their own actions (ie, if they make a mess they clear it up not him), and SO generally not wiping their bums. For my part, I will try and be more tolerant. Part of the problem is my house is only a 2-bed so with two teenage skids there (and my beloved dog) it can feel very crowded and I have nowhere to escape to. So we talked about moving to a bigger house as well.
However, as we have had these conversations a couple of times before (though not to the point of him actually going), I have said that if we have the same conversation in a few months' time then we are done and we will go our separate ways. Hopefully we can make it work this time, if not that is definitely it. So you will have me hanging the forums around a bit longer, guys!