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I HATE VDAY

Fading's picture

I have been with DH for 3 years. In those 3 years I have gotten 2 gifts from him: a Marilyn Monroe crystal and my engagement ring. Now I am not ungrateful for these things and the things he has done for me, but every holiday and birthday I get him a gift. This Valentine's Day I bought him a ring with our initials on the inside and 'Love Cherish Honor Forever" on the outside. I spent over 100 bucks for it. Wednesday night I get home and he says he has something to show me and brings out a small jewelry box. Naturally I got excited. Then he opens it up and there is a pair of diamond earrings and a gold heart necklace, he asks me "Do you think Atilla will like it?" I asked him how much he spent on it.....

300.00 FREAKING DOLLARS. SHE'S FREAKING 5!!!!!!!! SHE'LL PROBABLY LOSE IT WITHIN 24 HOURS!

Ok maybe I am showing some jealousy here but Atilla's birthday is Sunday and the next weekend is Vday. She's getting 500.00 worth of gifts in 1 week. I asked him what he wanted to do for Vday (trying to make sure he didn't have plans so we could go out to a romantic dinner and spend time together), oh well he's taking ATILLA to Olive Garden. I jokingly (kinda) asked him if I was invited and he says "Well I really wanted to treat Atilla."

So I am not invited. I am not getting anything for Valentine's Day, not even a card because he already spent half his paycheck and has the other half planned to spend on Atilla for Vday. Oh and the bonus: I get to spend Vday alone at home with a TV dinner watching stupid lovey-dovey movies on Movieplex. I am contemplating throwing the damn ring out or pawning it since the jeweler won't take it back. I always go out of my way to make him feel loved and special and I get squat. Even the day that's somewhat dedicated to love, couples and cupid I can't spend with my husband because of her.

Oh and he put an order in at the flowershop to have 1/2 dozen roses delivered to BM at work from Atilla for Vday.

Another Vday full of hate, spite and Ben & Jerrys. What Ben & Jerrys flavor goes best with hate and spite? I'm thinking Phish Food...

Comments

stepmom008's picture

Holy shit! My parent's didn't ever spend that much on me for birthdays or valentine's day. We were always around $25 for birthday presents and usually just got a little treat for vday, st patricks day, etc.

And what the hell is up with sending BM flowers? That's not cool at all. Have her make her a card but to send flowers? That's RIDICULOUS.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

Fading's picture

Yea I wasn't even aware he had that much money to just 'spend' since all my extra money is going towards the downpayment on our house. Real nice. Who gets a five year old real diamond earrings?

~*Fading*~
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"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison

Pantera's picture

Uh, I think you are reacting normally. Is he dating you or Atilla, lol? Valentine's Day is meant for couples, not for parents and children. My parents never did a damn thing for us for Valentine's Day, I remember my Mom getting flowers and her and my Dad going out. DH and I have been through 3 Valentine's Days, and Im good with not giving/getting gifts, but last year when DH and I were having problems and I got a card and SS got a DVD, box full of candies, and a game, I was pissed!!! No wonder these children feel so damn entitled these days. They come before everyone!!! There is also no way in hell my DH would put money towards a gift from SS to BM. I would be freaking livid. I think your DH is going a little overboard for her.

"If I turn into another, Dig me up from under what is covering the better part of me" -Incubus

stepmom008's picture

Doesn't it piss you off when you're working your ass off and have no extra money for anything fun yet BF complains that he doesn't have any money but he's always bringing home new golf clubs, shoes, etc. Plus he's going on a trip in 2 weeks. But yet there's no money for a ring for me. Selfish.

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

Jbee27's picture

I feel your pain. FH says money is tight, but he goes and buys his health supplements every couple of weeks (and what he gets aren't cheap) or he's spending money on something else that's not for me. (sorry to sound selfish, but I do a lot for him and I feel like I deserve something nice once in awhile. And that DOESN'T INCLUDE DINNER WITH TORTOISE AT THE CHINESE BUFFET WITH A GAGILLION OTHER PEOPLE!!!)

Fading's picture

It seems to me that when the money is needed for something that doesn't solely go to DH or Atilla then he has none but if it IS for DH and/or Atilla, his ass magically sprouts a money tree.

~*Fading*~
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*: (=’:’ ):*
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"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison

soverysad's picture

I would be livid! He wouldn't get that ring for vday. I would start forgetting to be nice to him. What a jerk!!! My father always got me a little box of chocolates for v-day. Now he gets a small box for his only granddaughter. My dh will likely get Creature some candy, but diamond earrings???? I think if dh ever spent that much on anything for Creature (at this point since she is 5), I'd have a coronary. Absolutely not! I would take $500 out of the "down payment" fund and treat yourself. Screw him. Wow AND he is taking her to dinner and leaving you home. I hope he isn't expecting any "intimate" time for V-day because I'd tell him to go to hell!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

folkmom's picture

Oooh the flowers to the mom would drive me insane!!

We have had SD for the past two VDays. In my family, my mom always made it abotu a day of all kinds of love. SO last year I made it an all day family holiday. We had heart shaped pancakes, heart shaped burgers...SD and my niece did a treasure hunt...they decorated cookies and made a heart cake. It was pretty awesome. BF and I celebrated the weekend after when she was gone. It is not the DAY that I care about...it is the time alone (plus he got me a weekend away as a gift).

This year we are doing a day trip with the girls. So our time together is a different weekend again.

So...tell him you want a YOU day...for you two. Does not have to be on the 14th.

But frankly, spending that on a 5 yr old is ridiculous. But the FLOWERS I would kill him for.

soverysad's picture

Dh would not spend a dollar on Wingnut even for Creature to send her something. BM's family should worry about sending something from the kid. I make sure Creature has something for dh. And I make sure I send something to my parents from my niece (her daddy died).

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

folkmom's picture

I always offer to let SD do a craft project, make a card, whatever. she never does it (once she did)...but I always offer. I figure she has a SF, he has to be good for something!

soverysad's picture

Creature has all kinds of craft stuff (construction paper, markers, scissors, tape, glue, etc.). She makes all kinds of stuff. She is welcome to make something for Wingnut if she wants and she does sometimes, but I don't make it a point of reminding her. DH sent Wingnut a Mother's Day card from Creature the first year he left (it was like 3 weeks after he left) and she threw it away in front of Creature, so we just ignore holidays as far as she is concerned. Creature told us that "mommy buys herself lots of presents for her birthday and for other days". Good for her. I hope she is living it up these next few years because once alimony ends she's going to be lucky to not be homeless.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

folkmom's picture

x

StepChicka's picture

Ouch! Is he trying to be an A-hole to you? I would be very hurt. You see he's perfectby capable making someone feel special but he's doing it all wrong. He needs to honor both of you. Maybe he has a surprise for you? This just sounds so lop-sided.

Personally, I'd leave for that V-day weekend. Whether or not he has something planned for you, I'd make plans to be gone. As for his ring. I wouldn't give it to him. Not until he honors you like he should. What an ass....I'm sorry.

TheWife's picture

OMG! I thought my DH was clueless!

Honestly, I know this sounds terrible but I appreciate my DH so much more right now because of this!

DH would never in a million years buy SD something that expensive for Vday! Hell, I don't think he gets her anything but a rose or maybe a card. That's your day, as a couple.

I would be livid. Honestly, who does that?!

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

fedup315's picture

Wow.. where to start here.... I think he is absolutely nuts for buying a 5 year old diamond anything... czs are just fine.. she will never, ever know the difference... same goes for the dinner out for Valentines... seriously? I mena wow it is Olive garden and all LOL not a fancy, expensive or even romantic place to go.. so that part is ok I guess.. but again.. she doesn't know the difference.. Frankly he is setting her up for a whole lot of disappointment as she gets older... times are too tough these days to waste money like that. A little box of candies.. sure.. a little $.99 Hallmark cool..
Moving on to you picking up all the slack... I say hell to the no on that... any extra money he might have, he needs to put towards your future.. not ear rings for a 5 year old... I wouldn't pick up a single cent extra this pay period. I have found personally that the more we SPs do on the downlow, the lazier and more complacent the real parents get. IE I used to just do the grocery shopping.. I would buy all the things the skids wanted and stock the house full... then I realized I was going broke on these skids... they got used to it and did not appreciate it... Now.. DH comes with me everytime.. he sees how much things cost, I make him aware of the terrible waste these skids just tooss away etc... it's all different now.
Finally ROSES FOR THE EX... OMG I couldn't stomach it for a second.. I would kick his ass to the curb in a heartbeat. That is entirely disrespectful of you and your marriage... unacceptable, period.

soverysad's picture

I can't believe grown men do this sh*t. Creature made a flippant comment the other day about being "a couple with daddy" and he VERY quickly let her know that Soverysad and daddy are a couple and she is a kid. She didn't like it, but man o day. She is 5 and she needs to know the "food chain" so to speak.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Fading's picture

I asked DH why he spent so much on her. His answer was: "She probably won't ever get something this nice from BM so I figured I'd go ahead and give her something nice." ....Yea.... I'm past the mad part and now I'm just upset and sad. I even bought my own wedding ring and his too because he had just spent his check on clothes for Atilla...Isn't that what CS is for? I'm just depressed and wondering what the hell i got myself in to...On a general basis, not including anything with Atilla, hes good, sweet and kind and fun. I love to death but...I can't take the let downs.

~*Fading*~
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*: (=’:’ ):*
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"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison

soverysad's picture

I'm so sorry for you Fading. It is easy for us all to say "he is an ass" (and he is) but that doesn't make you feel better. Just because BM isn't getting her something that nice doesn't mean he should. Maybe BM has a brain in her head afterall because she knows that spending that much on a 5 year old is stupid. My dh knows how I feel about spending money on Creature. She is here 75% of the time and I still get pissed when he buys her stuff because he is still sending Wingnut $900 a month in CS. Let her buy her the things she wants. We'll get what she needs (within reason) but I am not keen on getting her anything she wants because I see 1/2 his check going for alimony and cs. They get way more of his check than I do.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

sadstepmom26's picture

I agree this is truly a sad story, and yeah he's a jerk, but my heart goes out to you. I thought I had it bad cause I never get jack for holidays, but this is much worse than just not getting anything. Its a blatant slap to the face from the one who's supposed to love you. Next thing she'll be in your bed with you smack in the middle of you two!! Sending HUGE hugs your way.

Fading's picture

Haha! This just reminded me of our wedding day. DH and I were doing our vows and holding hands whilst Atilla was sitting with another little girl she made friends with. Once DH and I started holding hands Atilla ran up and stood between us and made DH hold HER hand instead!!!!!!! Thank god for the pastor, she was wonderful, she stopped and told Atilla that me and DH have to hold hands and my friend came up and got her. Yea Atilla bawled the rest of the ceremony, at the top of her lungs.

~*Fading*~
::*(\_(\
*: (=’:’ ):*
•..(,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»

"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison

soverysad's picture

Wow - sounds like a little diva. Your dh better get her under control. Clearly he has given her the impression that she comes first and he is definitely going to drill that in by taking her out on vday without you. I don't know what to say. If Creature did that, my mother would have taken her out of the church. In fact I warned her before the ceremony that if she did anything out of line, she'd be excluded from the rest of the day. She knows I mean it when I say something.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

StepChicka's picture

"His answer was: "She probably won't ever get something this nice from BM so I figured I'd go ahead and give her something nice."

Uh-um....YOU probably won't ever get something this nice from ANYONE so StepChicka figures (and strongly suggests!)He go ahead and give YOU something nice.

Enough said.

folkmom's picture

I am sorry but the flowers to the ex wife are probably the thing that most upset me. I really think you need to explain to him (maybe a letter) how inappropriate his actions are. it demeans YOU.

wishing upon a star's picture

WOW!!!! I dont know what to say but dont stress out. You know he is doing it out of love for his daughter and nothing more. I do think you should go to Olive Garden with them. Dont cut your self sort. You are his family too. So go and enjoy yourself and make a memory. Take lots of pictures and all.
About the ring I think you should give it to him. Remember you bought becuase you love your husband not because he was going to buy you something. What you need to start doing is showing him what you like and how you like it - Men are little boys that need to be taught.
I feel you should have your romantic dinner with your hubby, it doesnt have to be on the 14th. do it the weekend before or when ever you guys have time druing to week. Thats what I do.
I have always made it a point to spend holidays with the kids. I make it special for them and I know that daddy Appreciates it too.

Please dont stay at home that day include yourself even if he doesnt invite you just go!....

~Life's a Journey-So take a deep breath and enjoy the ride~

folkmom's picture

I think the point though is she ALWAYS does for him and he has not even given a thought to her. I would stop giving.

A lot of these men expect the new wife to be their helper. Lets face it, most of them could NOT do it without you...and the more crap they pile on and you take the more leeway they have.

So if she gives him the ring and he does all this for daughter and BM and nothing for her all she has TAUGHT him is "wow, you can treat me like shit and STILL get a present."

i want to go through my computer and beat this guy over the head with a frying pan.

folkmom's picture

it is SO unhealthy to teach these young girls about love this way. how can he not see that? my BF actually took SD with him to help pick my diamond earrings...she helped convince him to get bigger ones. when she said she wanted some...he told her one day to make sure she got a BF who bought her the bigger earrings too!

Fading's picture

I love you ladies! Thank you for all your feedback. I tried talking to my mom about it but her advice was to just deal with it because thats how blended families are supposed to be. Feel free to smack her with your frying pan too Folkmom. I am just so frustrated. Maybe I will pawn the ring and get myself a cast iron pan... }:)

~*Fading*~
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*: (=’:’ ):*
•..(,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»

"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison

Fading's picture

Did someone say Vodka?? }:) I'm off in 26 minutes, I think I'm going to happy hour.

~*Fading*~
::*(\_(\
*: (=’:’ ):*
•..(,(”)(”)¤°.¸¸.•´¯`»

"I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways that won't work." -Thomas Edison

folkmom's picture

tell your mom she is wrong! blended families are not about that! what exactly is BLENDED about that situation. I am so hitting her too now.

pawn the ring.

stop doing housework.

tell him you plan on getting a boyfriend on the side...after all he has his side action...and you have to get gifts somewhere!

soverysad's picture

OH excellent idea. Get a boyfriend!!! Just kidding. Go to happy hour and have some fun!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

asia's picture

omg!!!! the whole thing about sending flowers to the bm... that is a no, no! who does that? i would be furious! i'm so sorry fadin.. what a ass he is.. showing your daughter how much you love her is one thing but what does that have to do with the bm.... sending her flowers.. for what? for anything you should be the one receiving flowers. he got nothing to do with her... he with you.

truelightbeing's picture

Without reading all the comments, I would say for sure something wrong is going on here. I can understand him wanting to take out his daughter as a special treat. My wife and I switch off kids for private alone time. But an expensive gift like that? Let me just say that years ago my ex (Before she was my ex), bought a $2000 Emerald set "for" our daughter. She said it was going to be an heirloom for her, but was planning on using it herself. Needless to say I took her to the store and made her return it.
Well there is no reason for your husband to be buying anything, let alone flowers on "V-Day" for his ex. I am thinking the jewelry he has bought his daughter may end up in the hands of BM. Maybe not but watch it.
This is another example of men thinking to much of the BM's and putting their current wife second. Get a clue guys, there is a reason your not married to that bitch anymore. Love the one your with and never stop.

"Love is harmony and harmony is the vibration of the music that binds the universe."

onehappygirl's picture

Girls - that's MY man right there!
______________________________________

Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

soverysad's picture

Whoo hoo - we have a keeper!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

stepmom008's picture

Does he have a brother?? Wink Oh, duh. I just saw The Wife's comment after I posted mine. Maybe a dumb brother, Truelight so we can be on the same wavelength? HA!

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

TheWife's picture

Do you have a brother?!

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

truelightbeing's picture

Yes I have a brother. He is pretty much like me but no kids of his own, just a SS in college.
My 2 heroes in my life have always been my dad, and now he is all grown up, my brother. There is no one I think higher of. We are a close knitt family of huggers, LOL.

"Love is harmony and harmony is the vibration of the music that binds the universe."

folkmom's picture

Funny...BF just texted to let me know he is stopping at the mall on the way home to get SD's vday gift. A snowglobe (she collects) for $20!! So...um. Well , he is having it engraved. But since he already booked our evening for vday, I think it is all good:)

TheWife's picture

See, that's fine. I don't see anything wrong with doing a little something for your kids for valentine's day. But definitely wife should be the one getting the serious hardware.

Last year for valentine's day my hubby got me a dozen roses, and some naughties from Victoria's secret. He got SD a single rose (it was so cute) and she thought it was the best thing ever.

~*~When you kiss ass, your breath smells like sh*t~*~

folkmom's picture

yeah the single rose is nice. last year we did the big family thing and bf ran out while we were all making breakfast (made my bro look bad) and bought a single rose for me, SD< my niece and my mom. my mom, of course, just thought he was a peach...my bro grumbled....LOL.

I have no problem with the globe...I suggested it;) I got her a mythology book because we are seeing Percy Jackson that weekend too. I LOVE holidays. We decorated the whole house last weekend with her and it is heartirific. This vday we are doing a butterfly conservatory and candle making. I am just glad she is not around for St Pats...I have to do that one up more adult! LOL.

folkmom's picture

to put in perspective...BF just texted to be ALL upset that the 20 snowglobe was 45 dollars after engraving and tax. wtf? he says. blames me for having the idea as this is clearly too much money. so i say "well, i agree that seems high for engraving...dont buy it." he says "too late"

so it is MY fault he spent more than he wanted to?

MarriedwithChild's picture

ThisThere must be something in the Stars...( no lie, and zero clue) ????? is so fucked up...and I thought mine was? ugh

soverysad's picture

lol there we sure would be alot more nice gifts!!

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

StepChicka's picture

LMAO....Men's responses would be the same as what we say for V-day...BJ DAY should be everyday.

Testicles would be empty and we'd have plethura of diamonds to wear...World Peace problem solved.

stepmom008's picture

Hell, I'd spend money on a hooker for BJ Day so I don't have to do it. Money well spent!

"There are two things over which you have complete dominion, authority, and control over - your mind and your mouth".

Most Evil's picture

Diamond earrings fit adults too - I would say, Thank you Dear!!! and keep them yourself! A 5 year old will lose these in no time flat.

He should be up Kaka Creek until he figures it out! and there is no way I would attend a 'special dinner' with him and SD! I think he needs to turn over his paycheck to you every week if he is going to do such ridiculous things with it.

BM flowers = boot to the ass too. I am sorry honey. Me and DH won't do anything (that you pay for!) because we are broke but at least we are BOTH not getting anything - please do not give yours a gift!
_________________________________________________________
“Learn by practice.” - Martha Graham

soverysad's picture

My dh probably will only give me a card. We both think vday is a ridiculous idea. One day a year to dote on someone you're supposed to love. He treats me right everyday. But he also won't spend $ on Creature and certainly not on Wingnut.

"God is great, beer is good, and people are crazy" and you can't change crazy!!

Frecklecat's picture

OH MY GOD!! You have to be kidding me. Total jerk for getting you nothing and leaving you home alone with chick flicks while his 5 year old daughter lives it up with him. I know we all put up with a lot from the skids, BMs and DHs, but this one takes the cake. My DH went out of his way to trade weekends so we could have vday weekend together (that's why he has the kids tonight), and he would never buy something like that for his daughter even at 16. At christmas he wouldn't even buy her the $300 laptop she wanted because he couldn't afford it.

I totally feel for you Fading and I hope it works out. I agree with taking money from the house down payment fund and you getting something nice for yourself. It may set you back a bit, but you're totally worth it and you deserve it!

DoingItAgain's picture

OMG I'm so glad I have BOYS! So sorry Fading. This just sucks. Your DH needs a smack upside the head. What an idiot! If I had a girl and she got something more than me for vday from dear ole daddy? I'd sure as hell be planning a very special weekend WITHOUT DH the following weekend and helping myself to a nice gift!

frustratedinMA's picture

He is off his rocker..

OMG. I would have told him to return the earrings. and sending flowers to his ex from their kid?!?!?! WTF!

Jbee27's picture

I feel your pain. Our first Vday together, FH took me on a "romantical" date to.....*drumroll please*
Denny's. (yes, denny's.)
Then we went to Wal Mart (because he had to get something for Tortoise, I think) and we walked in and I saw some flowers and said, "Oh those are pretty" and FH said, "Well, why don't you get some. They're reduced in price"..... *eyeroll*
Our second Vday, we went out to a nice dinner at Macaroni Grill like a week after Vday (because he was on his 4 day trip to his parents house) and the only reason we went there is because MY parents got us a gift card to there for Vday!
Last Vday? We went to a local seafood place, which was really good. He did try last year.....
This year? He'll be back up at his parents house on his 4 day off weekend and I'll be home ALONE.
Yay....not.
Good thing I work 5am-2pm saturday. I'm getting as much guinness I can afford and getting shitfaced as soon as I step in the door from work on saturday.
Since I don't have to work sunday, I can sleep off the hangover.
FH is such a dumb ass sometimes.