Preparing for battle
Last year my husband and I nearly got divorced over SD (14). She has played volleyball recreationally for the past few years. Decided she wanted to play club volleyball because it costs more. This child believes you only love her if you spend money on her. Recreational league is $55, club volleyball was $600. I told husband NO WAY. I wouldn't spend that much on my bio-daughters, so it wasn't discrimination. He talked to her BM, and she agreed to pay for it. Or so he thought. I still said no because BM lives an hour from us and we would have to handle all transportation, etc. Club volleyball is a significant time commitment (several days a week and every weekend, November through April). He signed her up anyway. Then BM decided she was only going to pay for half, so we ended up footing the other half. I was not happy, and we ended up in counseling.
SD did play volleyball for high school (freshman B team, not a starter). Fine, whatever. Well, a couple of days ago she brought home a flier for club volleyball. Coaches said if you want to be competitive next year, you HAVE to play on a club team. In addition to every weekend time commitment (even though BM is supposed to have her on weekends), these clubs start at $600 and go to $1,400. I am NOT up to paying for this AGAIN, so I sense a major battle coming on.
Has anyone else had experience with this? How much is too much? We have custody 70 percent of the time and get NO support from BM. I feel like we are just a big wallet. (To top it off, husband was out of work for 18 months and has been in his new job for less than a yaer. We ended up paying last year even though we were in significant debt and had been borrowing from my parents. Needless to say, my parents were not thrilled to know their hard-earned money was being wasted in this way.)
Is there anything I can say to my husband that will make him understand he doesn't have to give his daughter EVERYTHING she asks for? If he knows of even one other kid who gets to do something, he thinks she should too.