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Noooooooooooo!!!!!!!

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

So, I thought that this week I was blessed with SD15 having someplace to be, and I seriously thought she was at color guard practice! Nope! She just got out of bed!! Yeah...she has been in bed all day...and just now making an appearance at nearly 1:20 p.m.! I do not want to be in this house with her! UGH! Why...why...WHY? I heard her in the kitchen, and was like WTH? I thought I was hear alone! I went out and said, "Though you had practice?" and got, with all the attitude she could muster, "It was cancelled!" UGH! She could have stayed at her mother's! But nooooooo...now she is at home, and probably for the whole week! Why can't I just wave a magic wand and send her back to BM's in an instant?

wth was I thinking's picture

If you get one of those wands, please let me know where I can get one too.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Only saving grace today has been that SD15 is in starvation mode...so she hasn't looked for a single thing to eat! She's only come out to get water. Yeah, I know that it is not good...she needs to eat and is only hurting herself. She has been told this by me multiple times, and told by DH multiple times when I've brought up the eating disorders to him. However, when she is in this mode, she isn't in the kitchen looking for junk food every 30 minutes of the day...like it would magically appear since the last time she looked...slamming the pantry and refrigerator doors every time she is disappointed to find nothing that interests her. She has actually hibernated to her cave all day outside of the occasional coming out to get water.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

You are right...if there is junk food around, she will stuff herself. But then, she always disappears to the bathroom right after and is in there for like 10 minutes. She even does this when we go out to eat...like clockwork, when she is done with her plate, she suddenly has to go to the bathroom. If she is not done with her plate, sure enough, when she comes back she claims that she is full and doesn't want any more.

Her pattern is to go through cycles of this. This is about the time that last summer she started on a starvation cycle. It is like she thinks she gained weight over the summer (which she did, because with bingeing and purging, your body starts to absorb the calories...mostly from the sugar...before you can expel food from your body...she also drinks a ton of sugary drink during the summer, which she doesn't seem to feel the need to purge...all that with a messed up metabolism anyway from the crap, and yeah). She wants to look good when summer band starts! There is sugary cereal and PB&J in the house right now, but she hasn't been touching those things this week...didn't eat at all yesterday outside of a few bites at dinner.

And when DH came home from work yesterday. DH comes out of her room with a sweatshirt and flannel PJ pants on claiming she was cold! It was 76 in the house!!! I was in a cami and crop pants and I was comfortable...and I'm usually the one who is always cold. DH thought it was burning up in the house. So here is SD15 in winter clothes, under a blanket, saying she is cold? Well, of course she is cold! She didn't eat all day!!

Aniki-Moderator's picture

Sounds like she cannot decide between bulemia and anorexia. Crikey! I had bulemia. That can do horrible damage to your insides. I was fortunate enough to get help before it got to that point, but I know someone who has all kinds of internal damage from it. Teeth, too.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Exactly why I refuse to take her to the dentist...though a few others on these boards have disagreed with that. I've brought up my observations to DH. Other family members and family friends have brought up their observations. All he has ever done is ask SD15 if she is purging, she says no, he goes on with life. I want HIM to take her to the dentist! If I take her, and come back with, "Well, they said her enamel is thin and they are concerned about her breath...they think maybe she is purging"...well, that is still me relaying some message that may or may not have been discussed, and DH will not take it seriously. If he takes her, I know the x-rays and the breath will concern our dentist, and he WILL say something to DH. Maybe he will still ignore it, but it will be DH getting the concern straight from a professional, and not me merely relaying a message on some topic that he is tired of me and family members bringing up.

And yes...there is such thing as anorexia with purging...it is usually marked by the cycles that SD15 goes through. It is like they loose control and go on a binge...then they feel guilty for the binge and purge. This goes on until they can get themselves back on track of ignoring the hunger. I think it is harder for SD15 to maintain the starvation mode during certain times like summer, because she is bombarded by all kinds of foods that she likes (pizza, french fries, candy) when she is not at home...which is more often in the summer. When she knows school is starting back up, she has to get herself back in control.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Well...seems practice was only cancelled for today. Oh, and the ride SD15 supposedly arranged bailed! Girl can't say two words to me any other time, but at 10 pm...right before bed...she asks me to take her to practice at 9 am! Poor princess...I have to star my work day tomorrow at 7 am because I have to take off early to the dentist! Already told the boss I would make up the time before my shift! Guess DH needs to figure out how to get her there! He told her he can do it, but she will have to sit there an hour! Um...there were many, many times when I had to drive in to work when bios were in school. They would need to be at school by 7:45 am for some practice or tutorials. I had to leave the house by 6:30 am to get to work on time. Yup...they had to sit by the high school doors waiting for someone to get there and open the school!

Amazing how SD15 suddenly found a ride when DH dropping her an hour early was her only option! Anything to stay in bed longer!