Put a key lock on your bedroom door the same as you have on the front door. Or create a safe room with a lock. A safe room is usually a living/bed room area closet with a normal but often narrower door on it. Equip it with a standard entry style locking handle much like on the front door of your home but with a separate key of course. Unfortunately you'll have to wear that one around your neck as leaving it with your other keys on the kitchen table defeats the whole purpose. Put anything you consider worth stealing in there including your purse. It can continue to be a closet unless filled with silverware. Most closets have exterior hinge pins so you will need special hinge pins which are available at most Ace Hardware stores.

As for your mental state read this: http://www.steptogether.org/disengaging.html

He's likely using drugs despite your opinion hence the need for money and the turn for the worse in his personality. http://www.ehow.com/info_7989565_signs-symptoms-teen-drug-use.html

As for your daughter well you'll have to decide if and when the situation is desperate enough that either the boy goes or you go. Consider renting a studio apartment for you and your daughter (or bigger if you can afford it) until the boy leaves home in a couple of years. Let your husband know that you'll do this if necessary so he can digest the news and hopefully keep the problem from getting to that point.

If affordable, build an apartment w entrance for him/ or you and daughter. Buy a multi family house and rent out the other apartment(s) to cover mortgage, or fill your weekends with events away from home so you don't have to deal w him so much, make friends w parents of 3 year olds so you can trade overnights down the road, send daughter to visits w aunts and grandma so she'll be used to it down the road when the shit hits the fan. Sadly, my son spent many nights away from home as a tween/teen to avoid SS and SD...or spent time in his room. Even now he is not welcome home from college on SD weekends cause there's one guest room and she would have to sleep on futon. It's sort of messed up. If she doesn't want to sleep on futon, I think she should not come.

Your SS is angry. He's been abandoned by his mother. This does NOT get better unless you can get him to truly connect with his feelings. He is taking his anger out on you because he is a kid, immature in understanding his feelings.

Keep him going to the therapist. Lock up your valuables.

I'm no expert - but I am dealing with a SS16 who's mother has cut off all contact as well. My SS has some mental issues though as well, so that's where our stories differ. But he steals, lies, cheats, fights, smokes, drinks and I suspect drugs - almost all are attention seeking behaviors. He takes his anger at his mother out on his father and I.

Keep your 3yo safe, stay constant and consistent. It sounds like you are doing what you can so far. Good luck honey!