Relationship investments need to be on par with the investment the other person makes. It is only human nature for a person to burn out on a relationship effort that has no reciprocation.

" My husband hates it, fights back hard, and does not allow me to say anything less than complimentary about his little princess."

So here's the answer - say NOTHING about the skid. When a bio parent hears a SP say something negative about their precious offspring - they almost always go into defense mode - even when the criticism is true.

I have a truly worthless adult SS. My DH is totally aware of his faults. But I have learned to just not to bring him up. My listing and detailing SS's many deficiencies and life mistakes serves no purpose at all. I change the subject when DH brings him up.

I feel like you took the words straight out of my mouth. I feel 100% the same way as you, however I don't feel I am a terrible person for it. Why do we have to be the bad guys because we are victims of nasty behavior? My SS ignores me and treats me like I don't exist. It's been this way for 4 years, nothing has changed and being a step parent is the most thankless job u can get. I'm done trying to be the adult in the situation. He's 16 now and a complete asshole!!!

You're so not alone, being a step parent totally SUCKS.

join the club lol...... I could care less if special little princess lives or dies... she's nothing to me,
I do not even try to invest in her life..

recently SO discussed some future plans about his princess with me, he wants my help for budgeting lol, I simply told him, I'm not her mother you need to talk to her mother about this, he tried telling me her mother is not involved and I simply said and now it's my problem, CO state BM has to pay a 3rd, so talk to her mother about it not me... I'm not helping you with this.

You are not a terrible person. You are only wanting mutual respect and not getting it. So the answer is detachment in whatever degree makes it palatable for you.

My MIL told me from the start "don't criticise his kids, nothing good will come of it". As the skids' grandmother, she too had the experience of the shunning, disrespect, and then her attempts to get some proper parenting done...just no good result.

This is possibly a problem that has been created by her parent not demanding she show respect. But then we parents all know that each kid is born with a certain character and no one, even a parent, can change them. My own son is a real disrespectful piece of work, despite our attempts from age zero to guide him by example, and lesson, and consequences...he is still just an a-hole at times.

Your SD likely treats a lot of people as she does you. These folks have an unhappy existence.

I feel exactly the same with SD16, SD15 and I get along but I think the main issue is when I met husband over 7 years ago, SD16 at the time was his mini-wife, I took her man away basically. It took me a couple of years to get him to realize the gross connection they had, the coddling, constant touching, how inappropriate it looked as she got older. SD16 and I still do not have a good relationship and I had tired to be nice in the beginning, giving her the benefit of the doubt at 10-11,12, but she started to manipulate me more and more and take advantage of my kindness, BM would get involved at times, telling DH things I was doing wrong, etc, so I stepped back and over the past 3 years, I rarely talk to SD16 when she comes to the house. I give her and DH time alone, which he doesn’t take advantage of it, as well as with SD15. SD16 makes me feel evil, like an evil stepmother, when I really am no longer involved in their life, I told DH anything involving them is between you and BM, do not involve me!

I feel the same way. I feel bad that I feel this way but I am done trying. I am also done fighting with my husband about the sk.

I understand you feelings. I love my SD however I do not like her much. She has moments when she is very nice and sweet, but in a moments notice she is nasty and manipulative. My DH always defends her, and I understand defending ones child, but sometimes you need to parent and do right by your child.. and the environment in my home is terrible. Everyone hates one another anymore. We just exist. Waiting for the custody time to be over or graduation day. It saddens me to think that my own children hate the situation so much that after they are gone and living life as an adult they will not come to see me because of the SD and DH.

I don't like my SS, either. I am entirely disengaged. I will not be rude to him (well...if he's rude, he gets it back), but I don't go out of my way for him, either. I don't ask about him, I don't mention him; if my husband says anything to me about SS, I simply say, "oh?" or "huh," and change the subject. I have no interest in trying to be a part of a kid's life who thinks about no one but himself. He's entitled, lazy, demanding, and rude. No thanks.

People on this board often wonder what happens to people who used to be on here. I stop by now and then, but being disengaged from a toxic relationship of any kind is extremely liberating. I don't feel the need to be here often. Things are so much better between my husband and I since I stopped caring about his kid. That's just the truth. In the beginning of our marriage, there was so much pressure (from me, from my husband, from the world) to make the three of us into our own little family. I tried. Boy, did I try. But the truth is, no one wanted my "help" in raising this kid. It's actually so much easier to adopt the attitude of "not my kid, not my problem..." than it is to put in so much effort to make things right and good. See, DH and BM think they've done a stellar job so far, so my input was never really needed.

SS is a sophomore. He's failing three classes, and he's absolutely not involved in anything other than video games. It's not hard to see where the problems are, from my standpoint. But HEY. They got this. And I sincerely don't care, other than I want him out of school when he's supposed to be so we don't have to pay another year. College will not be an issue for this one.

I don't like my ss17. He is lazy, flies into rages at his girlfriend and father. He does pot. He doesn't have a job. SO doesn't do anything about it. If he tries to punish him he calls his BM and then there is arguing about the ss. He lives with us full time. Whenever I say something about most anything it gets turned around to my parenting of my dd19. SO frustrating. Reading things on here is a big help