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HELL NO!!!!!!!!

Peaceheart's picture

Not going to bother with a whole bunch of background, survice to say that we have all heard the advice....when you marry a man with children, they all come as a package.

We had 17 year old SD living with us for three years full time.
The rules were she had to go to school. Stop lying. Stop stealing from me. Stop using her bedroom as a personal garbage pit. Stop bad monthing and making up stuff about me.

She just did not come home one day 10 months ago. Guess the rules were too much for her. I have to admitt that her being gone was a huge weight off of my shoulders and the last 10 months have been the best times in all of the last 12 years.

Sd has been living with her sister and it seems that she could not follow the rules there either. Hmmm no great surprise.
Last night hubby asked me what I would say if SD wanted to come home.....

I have never had the guts before to tell him the truth about how I feel. Unfortunately I did not just say it. I have a major melt down and screamed it and screamed it and screamed it. I am NOT proud of my behaviour.

Having said how I REALLY feel and that is HELL NO, I DO NOT WANT HER BACK, I feel really really bad. How could I possible live with myself now? How can I expect this relationship to continue. If he told me that my son was not welcome, I would run his asse off!

Said it but it does not make me feel good.

Just needed to share. Thank you for listening

LizzieA's picture

Obviously you can't stand the thought of her moving back in to the point where it causes a meltdown. That's a pretty strong message from yourself and for your own sanity, you need to listen to it.

LizzieA's picture

Obviously you can't stand the thought of her moving back in to the point where it causes a meltdown. That's a pretty strong message from yourself and for your own sanity, you need to listen to it.

HJean197's picture

I know how u feel dear. My 15 year step daughter is pregnant and I am also not wanting to deal with it to the point I'm ready to leave husband, sometimes when u marry people with kids u don't realize that it could be so hard. I am 28 and should in no way be raising grandchildren. I know this sounds selfish but life is short and u should let go of things that make u unhappy, because like me u can't change how u feel about her even if makes u look bad to others ( who usually are people who don't have a clue what u deal with) Good luck.

Peaceheart's picture

Sueu2, Thank you for your reply.What you have said does make perfect sense and you articulate exactly my feelings.
My son is not a trouble maker and I am not being bias. He is also 17 years old. Two months ago he was drafted to play for a hockey team 1,000 miles from home. His plan is to be able to get a full ride scoulorship through his hockey. I know that I have been very blessed with my son but if HE HAD the same behaviour problems that SD has, I WOULD be dealing with it.

GoodbyeNormaJean's picture

Feel bad for the way you expressed it if you want, but don't ever feel bad for feeling the way you feel. He asked you how you would feel if she wanted to come home. You told him that it would upset you. What's the problem? It's not like you hate her for no reason. She's gross.

Peaceheart's picture

DH was shocked with my meltdown but said that he did ask me and I did tell him how I felt. That he also did not want his daughter living with us but was worried about her neither-the -less. Which is understandable.

pullmyhairout's picture

I'd feel bad about the yelling but not about your feelings! I agree with the others your SD has made her bed and now must lie in it. She is not a young child she is almost a grown woman. And as for your own son, does he have the same behaviour problems or does he show respect for your DH. If he shows respect and follows the rules then why would your husband want him out and really if your son was 17 and doing the same things that your SD is doing you don't think you would be doing something about it? Of course you would, you would lay the law down! Mothers are so much better at doing that, your DH prob feels some sort of quilt towards your SD and this is why they let them get away with everything.

Peaceheart's picture

Pullmyhairout, my son and DH have a good relationship. On Fathers day my son wrote DH a lovely letter, thanking him for all that DH has done for him. Telling him how he (son) loves and respects DH for who he is.