Evil, disrespectful SD
I have a 14yr old SD. Her dad and I have been together for 3 years and have lived together for 2. We have her full time, bio-mom is not involved and recently has signed her parental rights away (per her own will). Bio-mom is a con-parotitis, hoarder, terrible hygiene and a master manipulator. Even thought bio-mom is not in SD life, she is slowly starting to act like her. We had to take her bed frame away because she had so much garbage and moldy food containers stashed under it. Now her mattress is on the floor, so that she can't do that. Well, she just took to doing it in our living room and would stuff things down the couch or under the blankets that are piled in a basket. Since we moved in together she has slowly been stealing my stuff, even my clothes (now mind you she is a large in juniors and I am a 3XL plus size lady, my clothes don't fit her!). We put a lock on our bedroom and on the cabinet I use in the bathroom. Found out she was picking bedroom lock and going in our room. Put a home security camera in there and one in our living room. She lies constantly, she honestly doesn't know right from wrong, she is entitled and doesn't understand why she is getting in trouble for a bad decision. We have to limit her TV time, because sadly she really thinks everything on TV is real and that is how life really is. She has terrible hygiene, refused to wear deodorant and just keeps adding more perfume to herself while at school. She makes fun of her dad because he started going back to church and she laughs at him because he believes in god. Now I don't care what she believes in herself, but as long as she is under our roof, she will at least respect our beliefs and rules. I could go on and on, but he biggest problem is that she has a victim mentality from her bio-mom being abusive and she is very disrespectful. I know a lot of this is normal teenage stuff, but in her case I feel its exacerbated times 10!!! We have her in therapy but she plays the victim and makes herself sound like and angel. The therapist is also at his wits ends and tired of being played by her. Her dad and I want to add to our family and make a home for ourselves. SD just makes that very difficult by bringing in her anger, hate and selfishness. Any suggestions are very welcome, as we could certainly use them!
Ask there therapist if they
Ask there therapist if they can recommend someone else who might be able to help her better.
What is Dad doing at home as far as discipline or setting and enforcing rules?
I'd stop buying anything that is individually wrapped. I'd only allow food in the kitchen at the dinner table, and hold her to that. If she can't be trusted to be home alone, hire a sitter. Hand her the deodorant as you all are leaving and make her put it on.
The kid isn't evil. She's a product of abuse and abandonment by her mother. She's also likely the victim of mental illness. That isn't an excuse for her behavior, but the reason for it. If you know the reason, you are more likely to find a solution.
Counseling?
This sounds like a very dysfunctional person. Is counseling an option?
Counseling?
This sounds like a very dysfunctional person. Is counseling an option?
First off, what is "con
First off, what is "con-parotitis"?
Second, this isn't one bit of normal teenage stuff. This is a very disturbed kid, and one who is probably developing a personality disorder. Has she had some trauma? Does BM have diagnosed mental health issues? AND, she's been totally abandoned by her mother, which is traumatic in itself, even if BM was a train wreck.
Has she been evaluated by a psychiatrist? Therapy won't help a lot if she doesn't buy into it, but perhaps they could help you with parenting strategies?
Good luck, you have a long road ahead of you.
I call bulkshit that any of
I call bulkshit that any of this is "normal teenage stuff". Me nor my brother would ever have for a second behaved towards our mom and dad as your SD behaves toward her father. We were rapidness to respect our parents and to treat them with respect. I could not imagine suesking to my patents as your SD speaks. I could imagine speaking to Amy adult that way when I was your SD's age.
A hose down I the backyard with the garden hose and a bottle of Dawn would take care of the hygiene problem and living a life of abject misery would take care of the lippy bullshit.
My parents would have had that crap dealt with in half a second flat.
smh
Hose + Dawn in the backyard =
Hose + Dawn in the backyard = child abuse. It's 43 degrees in Utah right now. Maybe they should just humiliate her in the bathroom and spray her with the shower head and douse her in dish soap there. I'm sure that won't contribute in any way to her mental health issuees.
Not inTexas. It doesn't get
Not inTexas. It doesn't get that cold here.
Of course you don't hose a kid down in freezing temperatures. Dawn works on ducklings, it would be no less safe for stanky teens.
Why is it that crappy behavioral choices seem to be regularly classified as mental health issues. Excuse based parenting models don't work. Accountability based parenting modems have worked for centuries.
Well, because mental health
Well, because mental health issues cause behavioral issues? And nothing this girl is doing is normal? Meaning she's got mental health issues?
Why is that in your world abuse and humiliation are the only solutions, when mental health issues have been well-known for so long? You think abusing abused children and hosing them down using dish soap will create accountability.
You really missed your calling. You should have worked in a prison where you can beat and humiliate people and get paid for it.
How is this girl "evil?"
How is this girl "evil?" There is nothing in your post that suggests she is "evil" - there is lots thats says she is mentally ill. In your previous post you said she was physically, emotionally sexually abused by her BM. That explains why she behaves like she does.
What has your DH done over the past year to help her and her sister? Does her sister still live with your DH's ex?
She has issues
This not normal at all. My SD is like this she lies, steals, half cleans, and causes a lot of confusion. She at least take a bath, but that might iffy as well. Your SD might need some thearpy.
Empathy for SM
Personally, I feel for the stepmom. Having a 13yr old almost exactly like this, I empathize totally. The girl is already in therapy. Mine manipulates everyone. She will admit freely to enjoying it when people get hurt, and even last night, said,"I want to see more little kids get killed in horror movies",. "I wanna see little kids get murdered- that would be cool",. The girl is a sadistic sociopath, who I have caught torturing animals, stealing,(all my things have to be locked up), admittedly enjoys when people are in pain,(she will laugh heartily when she hurts someone), is a bully at school, and has a whole host of other sociopathic behavior. Mine manipulates her parents,(who are actually her,"best friends",- meaning they don't dicipline her for anything), has no responsibilities, is failing in school, and manipulates any and all therapists. Her teachers are well aware, as she has been expelled from 4 schools, suspended so much I cant even count the times, but without the parents being on board, nothing will change. I have tried in the past with her, but of course I was told I'm,"mean", and I ,"just dont like her",. Well, now I really DON'T like her and I have disengaged. I don't have anything to do with her. If she comes in the room, I leave. All her siblings are in jail/prison, which is where she will be eventually. All I can do has been done. I refuse to have my home be a constant battlefield. I promised to love my husband. Nothing says I have to love his kids. Sometimes the kid is just a bad kid, and after youve done everything you can, you must remove yourself from the situation or risk your own mental and emotional safety. Disengage as much as you can. Hopefully that will force Dad to be a parent. My skids from my first marriage and I still have great relationships. It's not all skids. At a certain point, after you've done everything you can, you just have to say,"Enough",. Some people are just born/raised bad people. #notsorry
Wow. Hopefully some time
Wow. Hopefully some time soon when she is hurting someone at school the victim will beat her ass to within a millimeter of he miserable evil life and drive home clarity that bullies bleed too.
Even mentally ill bullies need a beat down from an intended victim. From every victim actually. If that were the case, there would be no bullies mentally ill or not.
Im am sorry you have to live with this evil little shit in your life.
smh
I was a target of bullies as a preteen and into my early teens. Then I had the epiphany that gettin bullies hurts so if I was going to hurt, so would the bully. From that point onward being bullied was a once per school event rather than a several times per school year event. It took extensive dental and facial reconstruction of the bully who pushed me too far to end my being bullies career. At that time the victims who said enough and whupped ass in a bully realized no consequences for standing up for themselves. Unlike modern spineless society where a kid who protects themselves by whipping bully ass gets in not trouble than the bully. My SS won an award for not fighting back when a bully selected him for regular bullying. The bully kept it up into my kid finally decked him and knocked him out cold. When we were called in to meet with the Principle I made it clear that if there were any repricussions for my Skid knocking out the bully that legal action would be taken against the school and the bully's family for the repeated bullying that was in the student files. I then brought my son into the room and informed him that if he ever had to defend himself against a bully again they he would not be in trouble.
There were no more awards for not fighting back.
Measured violence is the only proven universal solution to a bully problem. As proven by the entire course of human history.