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Difficult doesn’t even describe it

FrustratedStepDad11's picture

I am new here and joined a place to vent since my wife (step son’s mom) doesn’t get it and defends him over me all the time. 

My stepson is 17 years old and we have had him about a year after he got kicked out of his aunt’s house for similar bad behavior. 

 

He has physically assaulted me twice and I let it go. He was arrested for domestic violence on his ex girlfriend and spent two months in juvenile hall. I have paid for all his domestic violence classes and do everything for him and he doesn’t seem to appreciate any of it. 

 

If if I say anything to him about the littlest things he flips out . He takes food that I specifically buy for myself and doesn’t apologize. He talks back and doesn’t follow the rules one bit. 

 

I just doht don’t know what to do. When I talk about his behavior with my wife she just takes his side and says I’m too hard on him. His behavior is hard on me and it’s gettinb too much. 

 

Any input would be appreciated. 

Winterglow's picture

Stop doing anything for him and call the police EVERY time he assaults anyone. And make sure he understands that as soon as he turns 18 he is OUT. 

Where is his father in all this? Why was he living with an aunt and not one of his parents?

tog redux's picture

Well, your wife already couldn't handle him (I assume), so he was living with his aunt. Then when he comes home and assaults you, she expects you to just deal with it ... and you do.

Have him arrested. Stop buying anything for him. Tell your wife to shove it when she defends the deliquent she created.

notasm3's picture

Sounds like your wife is as big an asshole as her son.  That’s your real problem. 

A decent partner does not mandate that you accept the unacceptable. 

Harry's picture

But this kid needs to be place in a hospital type setting for mental health.  To find out his problem.  Either son goes to hospital, or you leave.  No reason to be assaulted by him.  Next time let the police handle it.  Let wife know this is ending right now.  Next time police.  Hospital or your out.

There is no way this is going to end good.  With out someone in jail,  just make sure it’s not you.

butterflygirl03's picture

I joined today because I feel like I have no one else to talk to about these things. Being a stepparent is definitly the hardest thing I've ever done in my life (and I have had a pretty challenging life to say the least). I don't know how this works, but I could use a friend...I have two SD and a bio daughter. I actually have a decent relationship with my 15SD but my 18SD hates me and I can't seem to change her mind. I wish I could say I don't care,  but that's just  not true. Being a good parent and  being loved by my kids is what I aspire to most in life. It breaks my heart to have a child who hates me. I feel like a constant failure and I try to talk to DH about it but he never knows what to say. I love him but he has never been good at consoling me. So here I am...

Rags's picture

Next time he assaults you, beat his ass, call the police, have him frog marched out of your home and life in handcuffs and give his mother clarity that he is not welcome in your home and will be considered a home invader if he ever returns. Subject to the consequences of deadly force.

End of problem either way.

This is not rocket science. Your DW is an idiot waste of skin parent and her toxic violent criminal spawn is the result of her status as an abject parental failure.  What about this woman motivates you to retain her as your life partner?

Not much IMHO.