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Update on XW

Cookieboom's picture

Hello!! Hope everyone is doing well. I enjoy reading the posts and get valuable insight from each and every one of you. 


I have an update in regards to BF and his XW.  For those who haven't read my posts (She left BF for a married man in 2014, he never got divorced and left her for his wife in 2018). 


She tried to break us up…failed. She tried to get their son to demand “me or your GF”…failed.  She tried to get their son hate BF, and his behavior was terrible for a while…failed. 


Thanks to the therapist, BF started changing HIS behavior in dealing with his son’s behavior.  Son’s behavior at home improved and their relationship has gotten stronger. 


Once XW found out about this (Due to all the inquisitions) she has now unilaterally decided with their son that he will stay at her house all the time during his online virtual semester; using the excuses of how she doesn’t want the school-issued laptop breaking during transition of both homes, and that BF needs to “go back to work or they’ll fire you” (He is in IT and working remotely).  When BF told her no, she declared, “We’ll have a discussion later about your work schedule!”  and stormed off. 


She also has decided that she will take their son to all soccer activities.  She purposely is keeping all of the equipment “to air out.”


We have always had our date nights on Saturday after he drops off son.  BF got a kitten.  XW is picking son up at BF’s house (Instead of him dropping off) to “see the kitten.”  I know it is a ploy to break us up as she exhibited this behavior when BF was with his XGF, which caused a lot of problems and ultimately their break up.  He and I have discussed no reaction, just come get me when they leave…another fail.


BF has hired an attorney.  The attorney filed a motion to adopt the current custody to ensure continuity of contact an affidavit of irreparable harm (XW is pressuring the child to his detriment when he should not be involved).  I will keep you all posted!  Stay safe everyone!!

Cookieboom's picture

Spelling error: I meant to write attorney filed a motion to adopt the current custody to ensure continuity of contact AND AN  affidavit of irreparable harm (XW is pressuring the child to his detriment when he shoul

Cookieboom's picture

I forgot to say that while BF is home working, XW will have son at her house with a sitter.....HUH?????????????????????

JRI's picture

Watch your back, Cookie, it doesn't sound like she will stop at anything.  YES to getting a lawyer involved.  Good luck!

tog redux's picture

What is the current custody?  He definitely needs some kind of legal arrangement so she can't "decide" anything.

I hope he told her to drop SS off in the driveway and DO NOT try to come in to see the kitten.

Cookieboom's picture


There is no real custody.  There is one from years ago that she never followed as she always dumped their son on BF.  She was due to move out of state with the married man in March of 2019 and relinquished all parenting rights (Through email, told BF she didn’t want to get the courts involved).  I told him to get an emergency full custody order when she was gone, which he did not.  She came back the fall of 2019, wanting primary custody back and $15,000 in back child support.  BF obtained an attorney but she and her attorney have been trying to drag everything out (As BF found out he has been paying more CS than he is supposed to)...

Yes, she comes inside to see the kitten (Per son’s request).

tog redux's picture

Next time - no, she's not allowed inside. If you are feeling really charitable, SS can take the kitten outside to show her, but boundaries are a must with a BM like that. 

$10 says she buys him a cat, too, just to one-up you. 

Cookieboom's picture

Yes, I agree.  But it is his house.  I disengage, tell him what I would do and let it be. 

I never met his XW and met his child about 3-4x (Briefly) after she left with MM.  When she came back and began demanding primary custody we decided that It would not be wise if I was around the child.

She already has a cat and bought their son a fish.  Although she did “help” their son name the kitten.  Bad

tog redux's picture

His house, meaning you don't live there? Because if you do, you have every right to say she can't come in. 

This situation will not get better if your BF just lets her plow over all boundaries. 

Rags's picture

You and SO need to set the firm stipulation that BM never enters your home. Ever, for any reason.

Your SO is thick for not taking his opportunity to get custody when BM abandoned the Skid and left the State.

He needs to get a lawyer and get everything clearly defined in a CO so that he has something to roll up and beat the snot out of BM with anytime she steps out of line.

The two of you grow some balls and keep this toxic BM under control and away from your home. An X has zero business in your home. Whether the Skid wants them their or not.  

Cookieboom's picture

Yes, you are right, but we don’t live together… She WOULD never be allowed near my home!

“Your SO is thick for not taking his opportunity to get custody when BM abandoned the Skid and left the State”  Ya think??  I told him to do so when it happened.  I TOLD HIM TO DO THAT AND HE SAID, “Oh, she won’t do that!”  NOW  I keep telling him I TOLD YOU SO!!!!!