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Breaking point

Anonomommy's picture

It's been almost two months since SD17 moved in with us, husband and my two bio boys 10,13. Thankfully SD20 hasn't tried to live with us. I am trying to disengage from SD17 because her father takes bare responsibility for her and leaves everything up to me. I am sick of her sitting on her bum and not doing one thing in the house. I can't tell SD to pick up her dishes or put clothes away with out her blowing up and if I ask her father to tell her he gives in to her every whim and has actually done "chores" for her. She has always got something smart mouth to say. I have a feeling that she lies to us about the times she works and where she is going. I have told my husband this and he dismisses me like his precious daughter would never. For pity sake the girl lies about being pregnant bc she thought she would be able to move in with bf and his mom! My husband is turning a blind eye to her and it makes me sick! I don't know how much longer I can keep not saying anything to this girl. My husband takes her side no matter what. Isn't the wife supposed to come first? In some ways I almost feel as if SDs both try to assume the "wife"role (not sexually!) in decision making and trying to over ride authority. I have told my husband many times I want his daughter to go back to her BM. My husband refuses the idea bc SD doesn't want to face her BM after false accusations to CPS. I am forced to live hiding in my room and trying to ignore my SD and at the same time be a mom to my own children. I feel like my husband is trying to make me out to be mean and cold. I only want the best for my SD I know hiding her from her BM is not the answer. SD changed her phone number and refuses to speak to her mom. To be clear CPS knows no beating went on at the BM house or anywhere.

Grace Galloway's picture

until you and DH get on the same page and present yourselves as a united front to SD, your life will be choatic. DH appears to be avoiding any conflict with his daughter and its at your expense. Gotta get thru to DH somehow or else you will be the house natzi and the enemy. SD doesnt have to like you but she does need to check her attitude at the door and show respect and follow rules.

Orange County Ca's picture

Tell husband that you are on strike and are not doing anything except for yourself and your bio-kids. Not even a piece of toast for her in the morning. Not even his laundry. Tell him that she is to be out of the house by age 18 or graduation whichever comes later. The alternative to that is you're leaving until that goal is reached in which case you'll return.

CantKeepDoingThis's picture

Oooo...that gives me an idea! A strike...hmmm...wonder how long he will last without clean clothes!

SassyWinkyPoo's picture

Incidentally, I did exactly this with my husband and it worked. I was totally getting disrespected by him, and therefore my two SSs, whenever they would come over and I just couldn't take it anymore. So I took our son, went to my mom's and when he came home and didn't find me there with the laundry done, the garbage taken out, the house cleaned, and dinner for him and the boys, I said exactly that when I picked up the cell phone, i.e. "I don't need to keep my promises or perform my wifely duties while you and the boys do whatever you want. When you can keep your promises I'll bring our son back and keep up my end of the bargain but you'll have to start managing the house without me and paying all the bills without me too." It took him a week to get it right but I didn't go back for three weeks. He got the point.

Calypso1977's picture

eh, im not a fan of using sex as a weapon. but in part that's probably becuase i love sex way too much to go without it so i can "disclipline" my man.

most men i know will be punished enough foregoing clean clothes and home cooked meals. why take away a pleasure that also takes away my pleasure?