Anyone out there that can relate ::(
I have been reading all the posts here and I have to say im so thankful to have found this site. I was starting to think I was the only one dealing with a selfish, greddy, lying , using 16 year old step daughter.
Im ringing in the new year all by myself this year.Hubby is sleeping and step witch is lying again about staying over some friends house.
It might be an omen of the new year to come all by myself. That is how I feel in this relationship im a room mate, a unpaid cook , unpaid maid, and a hand maiden to his princess.
Everything in our life revolves around her to the point he is starting to not even be appealing to me anymore.
she doesnt even know how to wash a dish, she doesnt do laundry, she doesnt cook any of her meals, and he caters to her bringing her food and even picking up her dirty plates when shes done eating.
all day long i hear i want this dad and i want that dad. if shes told no she just keeps right on to the point where shes making me sick to just listen to her. All i see is a self absorbed little bitch that is a user. He doesnt even think of me anymore. Since she has been here everything is all about her. I cant even remember when he made me special or important, feels like he wants me to live my life playing second fiddle to his snotty kid 
My birthday was last month and my sisters were having a birthday supper for me. He asked her if she wanted to go you know what she asked. What are they having for food there? ..I was 15 minutes late for my own party because sd daughter couldnt get her make up and hair right so we had to wait.
I get there she doesnt even sing happy birthday to me just texts on her phone. she never said happy birthday to me at all.
hubby stops at the grocery store and leaves us in the car to pick up a few odds and ends. After being ignored for a week by her she finally talks to me.she looks at me and says ,,, honest to god,, my birthday is next month and i want to go to a hotel with five of my friends and go shopping all day at the mall.Dad and mom said they couldnt afford it im just letting you know i really really want this for my birthday. ugh ,,, i had all i could do not to lose it with her.
I dont bother telling him anymore anything she does. when make up is gone from my room , stuff stole out of my dresser i was hiding from her, money missing from my purse, food hide in my room missing ,,, etc etc ,,he makes excuses for her and we end up in a hugh fight ,, i see the grin on her face when we are fighting ,,,id like to slap it off her ugh
By the way he bough me a gift basket for my birthday, Went to use it a few days later. sd had already opened it and used the soap, body lotion , and body scrub. she left it used in the bathroom half gone.
I noticed she is being very nice to me today, Im sure, its because she is sucking up and believes I will be paying for her birthday trip. oh and shes been telling me she seen a nice dress and how much it is and where to buy it. I have no children but my neices are all over me with hugs and kisses, my birthay and christmas they buy me little things. I dont know how much longer i can go before I lose it with his little demon.
can anyone give me some advice how to not kill her or him. Thanks for reading this 
Frankly, given that she seems
Frankly, given that she seems to only ask you for stuff when you're alone, why don't you use the opportunity to say what you really want to say. Don't get angry, just do it matter-of-factly "I will not be getting you that dress because I have absolutely no desire to." Then deny it if confronted
Your word against hers - who cares what your DH thinks, you'll have had the satisfaction of getting something off your chest.
About the gift set, I'd demand she replace it. Every singel item in it because it was NOT hers to take. Stick up for your belongings or start locking them away.
Good luck.
Why deny saying it to the
Why deny saying it to the teen if she rats OP out to Daddy?
Own it. OP is under no obligation to purchase/give anything to teen. No even if the teen was actually nice and appreciative of the gesture. And to be told exactly what the teen expects you to race out and 'gift' her with? Nope. Just say 'not happening' and own it. What's Daddy gonna do? Demand OP go buy it and stop being mean to his baby girl? Bleh.
OP, I'm wondering if you are one of the SMs who started out trying too hard.Giving and buying and doing for the girl hoping she'd 'like' you and you were attempting to be the best Sm ever type. So many woman go into this attempting to win the kid over only to quickly learn the skid is going to take advantage of it,use them, treat them as solely a wallet et et.... and once reality sets the SM rapidly builds resentment.
OP, stop doing anything for this teen. You are not her maid, cook and servant. If that's what you're doing for the teen, stop it. By age ten this kid should have been expected to make simple self lunch, taught how to do laundry of her own, clean her own messes, sit at the dinner table and if not make conversation , at least eat quietly will the adults do.This teen is sixteen. Why in the world is her father delivering her a plate and retrieving it? The teen sounds every much the product of what her parent/s have allowed and trained her to be.
Unfortunately the OP's Dh is as poorly behaved as his spilt daughter is. If OP has previously spoken up about the teen helping the teen's self to OP's personal belongings and the teen is sneaking into the OP's bedroom and looking for the items (which have been hidden), this is as much on Dad as it is the teen. If nothing else, a lock on the closet and/or bedroom door. Treat a thief like a thief.
OP, you are being very
OP, you are being very passive here. I was pretty disengaged and did not parent my SS, but if he had gone into a gift basket I got, you can be sure I'd have said something to him. Or if he told me his lavish plans for his birthday after totally not acknowledging his father's, I'd have addressed that. And if he treated me like dirt, I would not have done anything nice for him ever.
If your DH wants to raise a narcissistic princess, that's his business, but you don't have to take her abuse. Though I personally couldn't stay with a man who allowed his child to behave that way.
Yes! ^^^
Yes! ^^^
Stand up for yourself! Under no circumstances would I just allow this to just happen without speaking up- especially opening the gift basket and using it. Nope nope nope. Of course she's going to continue to do it, no one says boo to her. This is not the kind of thing your DH needs to address, especially when he ISN'T addressing it. Take back your power stepbystep! You have every right to tell this girl this is unacceptable. This is YOUR home.
I agree with Tog that I would have a hard time staying with someone who allowed this. It's not a good look on any man.
Thank you for all your advice
Thank you for all your advice. I think you all are right. I remember when she lost her make up because it was under all her stuff on the floor. she told hubby she noticed "her " stuff was missing, hubby told her the same thing he tells me. i have to catch her doing it before i say anything just like i have to catch you doing it before i say anything, i serious laugh in his face and we fough for a few days. oh course , days later when he washed her clothes he found it under them all. again thank you for all the great advice. disengagment train is starting today
By the way i was once ofr
By the way i was once ofr those step mothers but ' NOT ANYMORE" ,,, DONE ,,,DONE ,,DONE...
Locks. Storage bins on which
Locks. Storage bins on which you can put a lock.
Stop doing anything for them.
If you have something to do don't involve them.
Disengage completely. Be firm but polite about what you will not do.
I got a big
I got a big old fashioned foot locker with a numerical code padlock when my skids were in the teenage sticky-fingered stage and my purse started getting light. The last straw was a piece of gold jewelry going missing. All of my jewelry went into the locker along with some items that were of special sentimental significance to me and every night when I got home my purse went directly into it. Not even DH had the combination.
He was pretty pissed about it. He continued to leave his wallet out, basically to make a point, and had cash and credit cards stolen on a regular basis by the skids and their friends. He did not stop it until the credit card company told him that they would no longer consider his fraudulent use claims unless he was willing to prosecute.
Then disengage. If someone is willing to steal from you they do not and will not care about you in the slightest. Do nothing even the tiniest bit nice for her anymore. If she asks why, tell her that you don't do nice things for people who steal from you. Your home is not a commune and your possessions are not common property.
Wow! "Denial" is not just a
Wow! "Denial" is not just a river in Egypt! It must have been fairly amusing to watch him continue to defend his kids while his money and credit cards went missing on the regular.
Ths funniest thing was
The funniest thing was his outrage at the credit card company when they told him they would not cover the fraudulent use. Apparently they had the nerve to suggest that he was responsible for the charges because he failed to safeguard his card after multiple thefts. They were telling him he had to choose between showing his children that they were not trusted and paying for trusting them! Well, no sh*t Sherlock!!! Why should the credit card company eat the cost for your failed trust exercise with your brats? Like they have not dealt with this same issue hindreds of times before? You are not the only stupidly willfully blind parent out there, DH!
OMG. I just can't wrap my
OMG. I just can't wrap my head around that level of self-deception. How did he explain his cards continually going missing? His kids must have ZERO respect for him.
He came up
He came up with all sorts of justifications. Left it at a restaurant/store, dropped it when at gas pump, not the skids but their friends so not their fault, he said he would buy an item for them and they must have misunderstood and thought they could just take the card and order it. That the thefts were an "inside job" was pretty obvious because all of the charges were to local businesses or online purchases delivered to local addresses. Some to their friends houses and some just right to BM's. That blew my mind.
But things are much better. SS pushed too far and got cut off completely for almost 2 years. Having that shock and struggle was the best thing for him. He is now a hard working person who is respectful, sober, and makes an effort to include his father and me in his life. He will openly admit that he needed to get his a$$ kicked and he would not be here today without it.
He is moving in that direction with his daughter and she is aware of it. She is almost daring him at this point. She saw what happened with her brother but I think she believes she is immune. The edge for her father is too far but once it is crossed he actually is surprisingly resolute. Making the decision with his son was a wobbly time but once it was made there was no going back.
Completely remove yourself!
Completely remove yourself! Ghost the SD and your DH if he refuses to put you first. 2019 needs to be the year of you!
As for stealing from you (who cares what she steals from your DH - if he refuses to discipline her that's on him bc you no longer care!)...every time you are missing something simply go to your DH and say 'I am missing blah blah blah and I need to replace it. I will need your credit card' then take it and walk out to the store. When you get back make a big deal about your DH being OH SO NICE and treating you to your missing items! Make sure your SD is in the room to watch.
Rule #1 - do not engage. Don't speak to SD except for a common hello and goodbye. Do nor fund anything. No cooking cleaning washing driving nothing. Let good old Dad do it all. And most of all NEVER wait around. If you are to be somewhere go. Take your place back at the top!
susanm - Im so sorry you
susanm - Im so sorry you had to go threw all that ,,ugh ,,
,,,For some reason its like these kids are on a power struggle with us. Sometimes , i feel like they are pissing in the corners marking their territory, Sounds strange but, its how it seems ... :(... ,,,
Thank you all for helping me see that I dont owe this kid anything just because Im with her father, i do realize he will continue to deny, make excuses for her , and let her rule the roost. I also will be thinking of this as what other people have wrote here " this will have to be my hill to die on" he has four months to decide to "de thorn" her or im gone, i will disengage the entire time , as well. In that time I will plan my exit plan.
I been thinking and dreaming of the time before i meet him. I had my own place , wasnt a maid or a hand maiden to a king and a princess, never had to worry about leaving my belongings out , I didnt have to lug my purse from room to room, lock up all things near and dear to me, hide my cell phone for someone couldnt go in and read my text messages or turn my wi fi off , i need to be that person again because my self confidence has taken a beaten ..
Ugh...
He decides to let Sd have a birthday sleep over last night with four of her friends. He buys a Hugh amount of pizza , decorations, chips, pop, candy, and a very expensive cake. All night out in the living room screaming and music. I did not have much sleep. My entire house is road off ..cake on the floor ...pizza all over the floor ...glasses ...pop spilled ..chips..chip bags all over...ugh..he has gone out grocery shopping and I'm hiding in the bedroom watching tv. They are all out in the living room and it looks like her and her bitch sqad aren't living anytime soon.tell me again how to not get upset and how to disengage ): ugh