5 years worth of venting!!
If I would have know back then what I know now, I would have never dated a divorced man with older kids, what was I thinking!
Ever since I moved in 5 years ago with my 4 year old son, both my step sons refused to go stay at their mothers house who lives is less than a km down the road so we have them full time. Fast forward 5 years later and I've never once heard their father say the word no to " his boys" yet. He kisses their behinds like nothing I've ever seen before which is the most annoying thing in the world to live with and witness. His oldest son is 16 and he treats him like his wife. He bought him a 20000$ car for his sweet sixteen and has no rules, drives it when he wants all hours of the night. i just found out tonight he got them both a credit card! My husband lets them drink, and have parties whenever they want and I have no say. Even let his 14 year old sons girlfriend stay the night once. Parenting issues are always a huge fight between us. There's sleepovers here almost every night with at least 5 teenagers at a time, never anyone else's house because there's no rules here why would they want to go anywhere else. I get told off all the time and have literally never even asked them to bring a dish to the sink before. If I did they would freak out and their father will flip if I say one word to his babies. My husband is so obsessed with being cool and being their friend, that if they call me a name he will agree with them vs correct them it's so messed up. How did I end up in a house ruled by teenagers and all their friends and a husband that acts like one I will never know. Its going to be one long summer, dreading it!
Why are you staying and
Why are you staying and putting up with this? Have you no self respect? Also you can be held legally responsible if you let underage kids drink at your home and one of them ends up dead from drunk driving or alcohol poisoning
Because this all started
Because this all started happening recently now that his kids are teenagers and summer is here. And I'm not ok with it that's why I'm on this forum and on my last nerve. Was trying to hold out til his kids go back to private school in sept, but 3 weeks into summer and I'm going crazy already.
Don't blame you. The things
Don't blame you. The things you are describing are very disturbing as well as potentially dangerous and illegal not to mention very disrespectful to you.
...and, consider what you are
...and, consider what you are modeling for BS-9. 'Coolness' tanks morals, ethics & common sense.
Tell that to the judge when your son --- after watching months/years of this --- turns 16, drinks & drives, killing a family. For Pete's Sake.
It sounds as if this behavior by DH has been around for a long time. Perhaps years ago, you thought it was great to date the 'bad boy' or the sexy rule-breaker. Now it's not as charming. Immaturity can get on your last nerve after awhile. Realizing that you can go to jail if anyone in the pack at your house drinks/drives/kills an innocent and YOUR BS9 will be hanging in foster care. You should be very scared.
You know that it's not the stepkids. It's 100% your DH's responsibility and fault that your house looks like the movie "Animal House." (With your permission, of course.) It's not funny. It's not cute. It's not cool.
You may want to really reconsider what you are willing to tolerate and if you're willing to risk your own child. Good luck sorting this out.
Split your finances take your
Split your finances take your son and leave
Sounds like someone wants to
Sounds like someone wants to be the "cool dad" instead of really parenting. I'm not sure what you can do about it ... I doubt that he will change his ways. Being a "friend" is so much easier than actually being a parent.
If you are somehow able to separate yourself (This is not my circus, these are not my monkeys) then do that. I know that would be impossible for me to do, personally. You might be able to live through it til the kids are out of the house if you can just put blinders on.
Otherwise, I guess you'll have to 1. have a serious heart to heart with him about it... tell him it's a deal-breaker for you... and 2. if effort is not made to fix it, then move on. You might ask him to consider how he would feel if he were disrespected that way and you allowed it and even encouraged it.
Thanks guys for the replies
Thanks guys for the replies but leaving is easier said then done in my case, and unfortunately the grass won't be much greener on the other side. In my 20's I worked as a hairdresser but have been a stay at home mother for the last 9 years and everything I own including my phone and car is in his name. If it was just myself I would have packed my bags and left many times before but when there is kids involved it's not so easy to do. My son loves his step father like his own dad who is rarely in the picture, and loves his " brothers" and having me home to take him to all his after school sports, and living a lifestyle that he would only dream of I was on my own. If I ever left I know my son would want to stay here than leave with me.
My fiancé (not husband like I say) suggested counselling last week after a fight we had over kids but I declined. I would have been happy to go a year ago, but i can't imagine going and letting it all out to a counsellor and not have child services st my door like someone mentioned in their reply,
Just to clarify he's not the bad boy type far from it, I thought I was dating a mature business man before I moved in, but the older his kids get the younger he seems to regress in age when he's with his boys. He doesn't buy them alcohol that will be next, but when he finds beer cans or empty liquor bottles he won't say anything and zero consiquenses like always. I never know when they are drinking because his boys moved down to the basement which I pretend doesn't exist and refuse to clean, and everything that has to do with his kids is kept secret from me. The only way I ever find out anything is through the kids or their friends. We were more of a real family when I first moved in then we are now.
On the bright side, since he needs the best of the best for kis boys they attend private school and play "elite hockey" so they're hardly around much anymore. If I can get through this summer and turn a blind eye things will be good again in sept and they will be off to college soon. But does it ever get any better? Anyone in my type of situation that hung in for the long run?
I don't really know why we
I don't really know why we stay with these men. What's truly awful about this is your DH attitude. You are his wife and you have the right to speak your mind and complain and you're not a maid. What's wrong with him? Why can't he see this? I would try talking to him and if he refuses to listen then give him an ultimatum and leave if necessary. It's not just this summer, there are many more to come.
So, why exactly did you marry
So, why exactly did you marry this parental waste of skin?
and..... Why do you stay with this parental waste of skin?
and most importantly..... Why do you purposefully continue to expose your own child to this parental waste of skin and his shallow and polluted gene pool?
Just asking.
Take care of you and your child.
I just read some of your
I just read some of your follow up responses. This is only for the summer the back to boarding school for the hell spawn of the shallow and polluted gene pool.
So, you have a choice. Accept the status quo and bite your tongue, or set, communicate, and enforce standards of behavior for all kids in YOUR home regardless of kid biology. At this stage I would say that DH has no say or choice in the matter. He can either step up, parent, and discipline before you have to or he can STFU and have your back while you do it.
Since DH has no balls it looks like you are going to have to be the adult in this equation who grows a set and uses them with these toxic teens.