NEW to being a step parent help!!
Hello I'm new to being a stepparent. I love my fiancee very much and care about his 7 years old adhd son. My fiancee wants us to get married soon but I'm scared because he allows his son to sometimes run a muck. I also have an 12 year old son. My bio son has good behavior by the account of most people including my financee. He has manners, understands social norms, has self control. Where ever my bio son goes people comment he has manners and is polite and wants him to stay around. My soon to be SS is loud,rude, and has a lack of self control. Maybe partly do to the adhd. He comes over to our place and jumps on the chairs, drops food,toys, and leave the place in a totally mess. I know he's only 7 but because of the adhd I know it may only get worst. My 11 son can't stand him because he lies a lot and can't control himself. He throws himself into my son.
I don't hate the child (or love him) but the child has no behavior, manners, or self control. He spits people when he can't get his way or bits them. I am a pretty strict mom and told him (and my son too) that I run the shows in this house so he will do what he is told. I feel sort of bad but if I don't I can see it getting out of hand. At this point, I plan of limiting my interactions by planning events for my son to be out if the house when he is with us. As a mother, I feel bad about having to do that ...but the child needs consistent behavior checks. He has kicked me in the face twice and lies and say he is jump playing. Like I said, I care about the child. I like him but really not sure about getting married now because I am not sure what to do with an unruly child. His dad is supportive to me but lackadaisical in his parenting style. Please help to understand what if anything I can do better or should i remain hands off. Thanks