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being a stepmom is not fun

rere's picture

I have been with my husband for 10 years. Most of his earnings have went to child support and I don't make a whole lot, so we have always lived just a hair over poverty. His kids live 6 hours away, so we could only afford to get them for 6 weeks during the summer. Every time they came, as soon as the work day was over, every minute was spent having fun. In turn, I had never really gotten to truly know them. The oldest two were always well mannered and behaved, but the youngest was always pretty wild. The excuse was he has ADHD, so you have to be understanding. I tried to never make a big deal out of it. Well, about 3 years ago my husband became disabled, leaving us in poverty. Needless to say, we went 2years without seeing his kids, until he was finally granted disability, after obtaining a lawyer, thats another story. When we did get to get them last summer, the youngest was extremely out of control. I thought I would not survive the 6 weeks. I tried to not say much, when I did, i was blown off. Then in October his mom called and said she was bringing him here and he could raise him. What was I to say, I could in no way refuse to care for his child, after he has helped with mine the last 10 years. It has been even worse than I expected. She had neglected taking him to drs, dentist, etc., so we've had to tend to all that getting new glasses, pulling teeth that should have been gone years ago, and trying to straighten out his ADHD medicine that in no way worked. And we are still trying to find something to help. He has turned our world upside down. I don't want to resent him as i tell my children not to do, but it is so hard. He is 14 and acts as though he is an obnoxious 8. My kids never acted this way, which they didn't have ADHD, as i am told. But i believe most of the reason is because he has never been taught how to act. He is so rude and disrespectful, that i'm embarassed to be with him in public. He acts as though there is something more wrong with him; he is always laughing. a goofy, irritating laough, swinging his hands. And he acts like he has not got enough sense to do any manual labor, I think alot of it is acting so he won't have to do it, but in other ways, there is no way he could put up an act so long, because surely he can tell by now that he is going to half to do it regardless. And he tears up everything, alot i feel like on purpose. For instance, my son's DS, vacuumn, broom, things that others have that he is jealous of or things that are used for work. he has now been here almost 6 months and nothing is getting better. I don't know what to do, my kids hate him even though I have always told them hate is a strong work you reserve for very few people in your life, and I'm not far behind them.