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Poll: How old was your oldest child when you Divorced and how old was your DH's oldest child when he divorced?

TheBrightSide's picture

I read a statistic, and I'm curious to see if its true.

Please just answer simply, the age of your oldest child when you divorced. That is, if any of you SMs have been divorced and have bio children.

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

Perfectson was 5 (had recently turned 5) when EH and I divorced. He is an only child.

Wicked.Step.Monster's picture

DH's son was 4 (I think) when he divorced BM #1 and oldest SD was 4 when divorced BM #2. Hmmmm.... 4 is the magic number there huh?! Never thought about it before.

Elizabeth's picture

SD was 2. I've never been married before.

An interesting statistic I heard is that parents are unhappiest in their relationship when there is a child in the house who is 14.

TheBrightSide's picture

I did mention 4 was the age (on a different post) rather than this one.

It is actually 5.5 years.

"overall average child age in 1994 of approximately 5.5 years"

onehappygirl's picture

My son was 11, my daughter 5. DH's son was 10, his daughter 6.

Love me or hate me, I'm still gonna shine!!!

melis070179's picture

My son was 2 and SS was 3.

"I child proofed my whole house, but they STILL get in!"

Sita Tara's picture

My sons were 5 and 2 when I divorced.

SD was 8/ nearly 9 when her parents divorced.

"Parental love is unconditional, relationships are reciprocal." ~Zen

belleboudeuse's picture

I don't have kids. His oldest was 10.


You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. - 2BLoved

Stepmom2Ched's picture

Let's oldest was 19.5 years old. My youngest just had her 17th birthday. Divorce was my ex's idea.

As far as hubby goes, he's been married before, (I am #5!) so I believe he divorced his first wife when their son was 8 or 9 y.o. He's now 29. His youngest son (for whom I am the SM) was 4 when BM decided to divorce...and SS turned 5 the same month their divorce was final.

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~

Angel72's picture

I've never
But my dh's son was 2 1/2 and his daughter was about 5 at the time
So what did the stats say?? now you got me curious.

TheBrightSide's picture

I think the statistic of the average age of the child is 5 years old seems to be a fair statement. I don't know what it means really. I had a conversation with my very good friend who was officially divorced last year (separated for about 3). She said that her and her husband were so close, "a team", then the kids came and everything changed for them. She was shocked at how "tired" she was after the first one, then the second one came, then her husband started to work late just to avoid going home, then when the baby was not quite one years old, he sat down at the kitchen table with her and said, I'm in love with someone else.

Thankfully, my friend, who absolutely inspires me, is fine. She's moved on and has become one of the strongest women I know. Her ex has married again (immediately after the divorce became final).

Her take on it was brutally honest to me...."they lost eachother" once the kids came. She was tired and resentful of doing everything and him doing litle. No more team.

Really, I don't know why I asked for your input on this poll, other than to see if there was any truth to this stat.

tulips's picture

My daughter was 2 when I separated from my ex-husband and nearly 3 when the divorce came through. My partner's children were 3 and 18mths when his wife left him.

Like your friend my ex-husband and I were a team but it all changed when I was pregnant, my attention was no longer on him as I was busy throwing up all day for the first 5 mths. He got worse after she was born and I don't think he liked not being the centre of my world anymore, although I tried. He completely withdrew from me and became very mean. I had to leave for my sanity, would rather be alone than be in a marriage being totally ignored. Not a healthy environment to raise a child in.

Stepmom2Ched's picture

That's actually not uncommon--the new father is jealous of the relationship a mother develops with her child/children while they carry and then have them.

~*~A Good Mommy will let the kids lick the beaters. A GREAT Mommy will turn the mixer off first!~*~

stepof 1nitemare's picture

My oldest son was 7... His daughter was 2

What was this statistic... I am curious

Raising kids is part joy and part guerilla warfare... Ed Asner

totallyexhausted's picture

his son was 3 when they separated. barely turned 4 (2days after)when it was final. mine were 1&2 when we split but we wern't married. his son was 5 my girls were 7&8 when we got hitched.... was that a part of the question??

Excuses are tools of the foolish. They build monuments to nothingness and those who are masters of them are seldom good at anything else.

jenjen's picture

Mine was 1 and Dh's were 3 and 5.

But I hear its a woman turning 29 that is is problem in a lot of cases regardless of the age of the children. Woman have this 29 thing, that they re-evaluate their life at that time and sometimes marriage just no longer fits into what they want, also sometimes unmarried women discover they want marriage and kids at that time. Hmmm....

I have personally seen this happen to numerous friends at that age.

DISbelief's picture

Mine was 3 his was 1


~You have to BE crazy to UNDERSTAND crazy!~ Wink

Sita Tara's picture

I find this post very sad now. My BD turned 4 the day before my STBX told me he had an affair and wants out of our marriage. Next month is our 5 year anniversary and I had planned a trip for us as his Christmas present.

I think the term "disillusion" is so appropriate for the alternative to full blown divorce, because that's exactly how I feel right now.

And scared that I will never be able to trust another man...or find one without kids and a ton of baggage.

TheBrightSide's picture

Sita...i'm sorry i ever posted this, I'm sorry that something I did made you sad.

I posted it because i was trying to reconcile in my mind the fact that I would never have my own children. I had two miscarriages and my DH didn't want to adopt. I was trying to convince myself that it was better if we didn't have children, i.e.: if we do, we'll be divorced. Well, this didn't take into account that he still had a child and that we've separated...two days ago. He wants out.

I feel your pain Sita. I'm going through it with you.

Sita Tara's picture

I'm so sorry to hear. I think this blended family stuff is so very impossible to survive and maintain your own sanity and a healthy marriage.

I know your pain too. The stories may be different, but as you said in the PM, the pain is absolutely the same.

Amazed's picture

ChooChoo was an infant when I left the ex.

SD was 6 when Dh and Frizz got divorced.

"Venting without the desire to look within and improve your situation is simply venting to hear yourself bitch."

..."I'm not mean, you're just a sissy."

"If they sold clues at Walmart,I'd be first in line to get one for DH" ~the lovely Jbee~