Life after Separation.
Hey everyone.
Just wanting to give you all an update.
I’ve been separated from exDH and SD13 for about a year now. And despite my complete fear, apprehension, sadness and anger at the time, I can tell you that a year later I absolutely DO NOT REGRET making that decision.
We signed separation agreement last year, immediately after separating. He kept the house, I bought another one not far away.
As of today, we are friends. He’s still pretty much my best friend. We have vacationed together, we’ve gone to movies and dinner. I’ve spent time with both him and SD13. We are friends. No overnights. And that’s just fine.
Here is what I’ve learned. While we were together, I was in a constant state of anxiety. Worried about every word and every action. Don’t want to upset SD right? Heaven forbid. I was the 3rd wheel in my own home. I really realized how much that anxiety I had AFTER I was on my own for awhile. I remember, it was about 7 months after the separation. I went to their house for dinner. By 8:00 I was anxious to leave. I thought to myself “Yes! I remember now what it was like living with them!!” And I drove home happy.
Was I really lonely at first. But I didn’t feel anxiety anymore. It was freeing. It really was. I’m still lonely at times, but its not constant at all. I have friends, hobbies and a very busy job. And my dog, that I still share with exDH.
I find that exDH and I enjoy our time together. I really like his company. We don’t fight anymore. I can spend time with SD13 (without exDH) and I enjoy her company.
What doesn’t work is the three of us spending time together. SD13 becomes rude to me and moody (not always…but usually). Sure. Maybe its because she’s a teenager, but you know what? She’s not MY teenager. Its not my problem. I don’t have live with a girl that treats me like shit when her dad is around. I don’t have to be her “entertainer” anymore. Which is essentially all I was.
Anyway. The purpose of this post is to let you know that there really is life after divorce or separation (if that’s what you’re considering). I was so scared at the time, but its really worked out for the best. I’m so much more content.
This sounds wonderful. You
This sounds wonderful. You deserve it. I am very happy for you and a little jealous.
Feel free to be jealous. I
Feel free to be jealous.
I was walking my dog the other day and discovered a very handsome neighbour up the street. And we introduced ourselves. I am TRULY not looking to be in another relationship, but it was nice to know i'm not "dead inside"....lol.
I have a really great job that pays really well, but for fun, I'm going to take an interior decorating certificate course.
I'm going on a beach vacation in a month with exDH...as friends. Just he and I. We went to NYC for an extended weekend and we had a blast together...as friends.
Tonight, I'm going to a movie with a woman I met post separation...(one of a few new friends I've met post separation).
I even started taking adoption classes because I'm considering adopting on my own. (okay..truth...that's still a very scary thought for me)...but you know what? At least its POSSIBLE now. It wasn't when i was married because DH didn't want more kids.
So...yeah. Life is really good.
The only thing I have to get over is the lonliness I feel a couple times during the weeknights when I don't have my dog. It lasts maybe 10 or 15 minutes.
(((HUGS)))
(((HUGS)))
I've many times given advise
I've many times given advise to people that they should not remarry while there are kids in the home, anybody's kids. Date, stay overnight while kid is visiting elsewhere, anything but live together until the kids are out of high school. Sounds like its working for you and maybe it will grow into something after the kid is gone.
Sounds like the girl has an
Sounds like the girl has an Electra complex gone wrong, and for some reason, a lot of dads don't pick up on this and get flirty sounding with their own daughter which confuses the little whacko even further.
Thank you for your post! You
Thank you for your post! You took your life back - in a way that is not hurtful to anyone, but assertive; what's more you remained friends with your ex and his DD - an almost unimaginable feat! I admire you.
Good luck with the next chapter of your life. I am sure it is going to be wonderful.
Good to hear that this can
Good to hear that this can work and work well. I'm in the process of moving away from SO and his two kids. Aside from the wear and tear on my own sanity I simply cannot subject my (our) son to this circus anymore. I wish I could help him through what's ahead (abusive BM, messed up kids) but I can't. Not leaving him, although I know us staying together through this is going to be pretty hard, just leaving the situation. Scared as hell, but I hope a year from now I can look back and say I did the right thing. Thank for your story.
Yes, I second ripleys post,
Yes, I second ripleys post, time to start meeting other men. That neighbor might be helpful for those nights you feel lonely, a girls gotta eat. Are you and DH definitely done ? Or is there a chance you may reconcile?
All I know is that I will not
All I know is that I will not live in the same house as exDH and SD13. Maybe one day, if we're still friends and SD is grown and married with a family of her own..perhaps exDH and I will retire together.
However, I'm not putting my life on hold for that possibility.
You know...i used to live my life thinking that having a husband and children was the golden ticket. That's the ideal scenario. My life will "start" when I get married.
What a crock of shit that is!!
Life starts TODAY.
I really regret thinking that for so long in my youth. That's the advice I would give the younger me. Life your life for today. Do things you enjoy. Being married isn't the end all, be all.
Also...get a dog. Dogs are fantastic!!!
Yeah agree with last
Yeah agree with last post...my experience is that someone will get hurt. When you act like friends, but both are 'dating', its just confusion.
I learned I will never be a part of my ex-fiance's life because her daughter will always be a part of hers in such a way that will never allow someone to fully experience adult love. Plus after many years, the SD learned she could always break us up.
Been doing this for the last 3 years and finally had to walk away when we tried to reconcile and she was still getting txt's from online men. Just not a great situation. In fact, therapist told me not healthy either.