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Ex blackmailing son to play sports. What rights do I have as BM?

Finallyinlove's picture

My ex is a football wanna be and continues to try to live his life vicariously though my son. My son does not want to play football anymore (he's 12) but his father told him if he quits, he will never support him in any other sport again. My son has told me numerous times in tears that he doesn't want to disappoint his father. I'm not sure what to do. Any advise?

no fairytale's picture

I would make sure my son was not forced into a sport or activity he did not want to do. If your son wants to join another sport down the road just make sure you are there to support him Smile
Just my opinion

stuckinthemiddle's picture

if there is anything you can really do about that other than talking to your ex.

Do you disagree with him also playing this sport in addition to your son's wanting to quit or it solely your son's decision? Please don't mistake that question as questioning your interest in the sport. The reason I ask is b/c sometimes the parents discontent for activities plays a role in the child's decision to continue. If you don't like the sport he might also be inclined to not like it either to please each parent.

In our household we have a different situation with one parent intentionally sabotaging the kids involvement in activities we support. In our situation, it's BM who dislikes the activities we enroll the kids in and doesn't support the kids participation. The kids like these activities but she doesn't consistantly take them to practices/meeting b/c they 'don't feel like going that day'. I think her lack of support makes it hard for them to go.

I don't think that is the case with your situation. Do you communicate with your ex? Do you feel comfortable confronting him? I would, see what he says and if he is blackmailing your son, then tell him where you stand on this. If your ex is not going to support your son in other activities then, like us, your son will only have one household supporting activities that he enjoys. He will eventually see what parent is truly there for him. Unfortunately, his father is going to miss out on these activities for being so stubborn.

FallingfromGrace's picture

We pay for ALL activities and sports (including equipment, uniforms, etc). Well one of my SS was asked to play on a travel baseball team. Their BM told them that they had to pick: "either a weekend at the water park or playing travel baseball". So all of a sudden the SS is telling his Dad (my DH) that he doesnt want to play travel ball. Which was really odd since the boys LOVE baseball, come to find out...it was because BM was giving them a reason to NOT play. Very sad...

I told DH jokingly, "well I will take care of this - I will jsut tell them we will go Disney World if they DO play!"

"God grant me the serenity accept the things I cannot change; the strength to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

Orange County Ca's picture

Write a handwritten letter to your ex and explain all that you've said here. Tell him your are concerned about the boy's relationship with his father - you fear that soon he will be old enough to make a decision to stop visiting in order to get out of these forced acitivities. Then you're done with it.

Every child has imperfect parents and if your ex insists on makeing this mistake the most you can do is to sit down with him and explain how important it is to his father. Tell him to do the best he can in order to please his parent but if he ends up not doing well at it then he should not take it to heart.

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There's an exception to everything I say.